No one else exists, I’m alone, and it’s depressing.

[WaterfallMachine]

I rewatched Leo’s video on loneliness, and when I thought it was crazy before, it began to make sense. One of the things he mentions was the insight during the pursuit of enlightenment that you’re entirely alone in reality, literally. No one else exists, and everyone else is just my own self parroting back at me. I can’t say that I’ve completed and will maintain this insight, and it was several months ago that I first saw a glimpse of it, but I can tell I understand some . . . deeper level of it. 

I know I’m supposed to face it alone, and I will, but I don’t have the will to do it now. I know I’m supposed to keep going, and I will, but I just can’t do that now. I’ve been through a lot worst with self inquiry, so I know I’ll keep going.  

I’m more at peace than before. Less rushed towards wanting the next goal in life or less attached to the regrets of the past. Less arrogant of claming I know more than I think to myself and others. Less concerned with what others think. 

But really — I’m still depressed. Damn it — but just for a little, I want someone to read this and acknowledge what I’m going through for now. I loved being in solitude my whole life — but even this is too much.

[tatsumaru]

There's a difference between loneliness and aloneness. Loneliness implies lack. Aloneness implies acceptance.
Aloneness is not something specific to you. We are all born alone, all live alone and all die alone. So in a sense this brings us together, because we are all in this situation whether we get it or not.

We are not separate - consider a mother giving birth to another human being. For a while they are the same thing then it becomes another person. You are able to feel the hot water, smell the bacon, fondle your cat - you are not disconnected from the world. Why do you want to have more than one consciousnesses? Maybe you want to double the excitement?

I think being a little (but not a lot) depressed is helpful on the spiritual path. I used to be so depressed I cried every morning after waking up for just realizing I was still alive. Now that's gone. I am still slightly depressed but it's more like melancholy. I am definitely not perfect - I am neurotic, I am full of regrets, I am often sad, I am sometimes a little bit paranoid, but I have also learned not to take life too seriously. I may die tomorrow. I may not achieve enlightenment. But I can have my peace right now. Start with peace.

Have you watched Eckhart Tolle and Sadhguru's videos on YouTube? If not I highly recommend these guys. They will be the best friends you've had in a long time. You will forget about your depression before you know it.

 

[AleksM]

@WaterfallMachine

Infinity includes more infinity.

You are a creator. You are manifesting a version of me that is reflective and representative of your perspective in that moment but that does not mean I don't exist as an entity. I too stand alone as an individual part of consciousness but I am experiencing my own reality and you are experiencing your own reality, because we are creating our own reality.  We are creating reality and we are being created by reality trough observation.  

What separates me from you is the focus of observation.

Now, integrate.

 

 

 

[nightrider1435]

I feel you on this, I really do, but keep going forward. It's unconditional love, that's what it is. 

[Nahm]

@WaterfallMachine Man. Yeah. I know what you mean. I’m talking to myself, about how there is no other, and replying to myself about it, and we both know we’re talking to ourselves, while we continue to talk to each other as if we didn’t know what’s going on here. wtf really. But this whole thing, the whole universe, you did that. I did that. Dude who will find actualized.org tomorrow and read the words “self inquiry” for the first time, he did that too. You actually get to glimpse that you did that.   

Now we’re in it, just to be in it. We got to experience it in a ‘separated’ rollercoaster of highs & lows of ‘realness’, now we get to experience it like this with that. After this, just anything. Forever. Maybe we’ll know what we’re doing next and what we are, maybe we won’t. How fucking awesome is that?  There’s no actual birth, no actual death. No actual thing to worry about. Worry arises only relative to self identity as person, worry is self-ish, so it serves to remind you that you have momentarily forgotten what you are stating here today in this post. It’s getting caught up in the illusion, in our thinking, and not ‘reconnecting’ to that, which troubles arise from. Not the actual state of Alone.  The insight from the video is like seeing a naked woman in a playboy your first time. That is not the same as being Hugh Hefner. You can most definitly not worry one bit about that. ❤️

[Dodo]

3 hours ago, WaterfallMachine said:

I rewatched Leo’s video on loneliness, and when I thought it was crazy before, it began to make sense. One of the things he mentions was the insight during the pursuit of enlightenment that you’re entirely alone in reality, literally. No one else exists, and everyone else is just my own self parroting back at me. I can’t say that I’ve completed and will maintain this insight, and it was several months ago that I first saw a glimpse of it, but I can tell I understand some . . . deeper level of it. 

I know I’m supposed to face it alone, and I will, but I don’t have the will to do it now. I know I’m supposed to keep going, and I will, but I just can’t do that now. I’ve been through a lot worst with self inquiry, so I know I’ll keep going.  

I’m more at peace than before. Less rushed towards wanting the next goal in life or less attached to the regrets of the past. Less arrogant of claming I know more than I think to myself and others. Less concerned with what others think. 

But really — I’m still depressed. Damn it — but just for a little, I want someone to read this and acknowledge what I’m going through for now. I loved being in solitude my whole life — but even this is too much.

I don't know that no one else exists, it's just a theory for me. 

As far as I know from a human standpoint,  my reality is largly impacted by the other fields of consciousness on this planet. 

We may all be one in essence, but that essence is spread out over different vehicles which make it shine differently. That's beautiful If you ask me.

Tbh, I dont think it's right to say awareness is alone, because awareness has no personality. Personality is part if the vehicle it runs through and shapes like water shapes a stone.

[Nahm]

@Dodo Not personality alone, as in human emotion, or lonesome. I believe  @WaterfallMachine Is talking about ultimately alone, being the ‘illusionist’, if you will. 

[Dodo]

1 hour ago, Nahm said:

@Dodo Not personality alone, as in human emotion, or lonesome. I believe  @WaterfallMachine Is talking about ultimately alone, being the ‘illusionist’, if you will. 

Yes, but that's what I mean. 

In my understanding, the illusionist is impersonal awareness.  How can something impersonal be alone? Isn't the aloneness factor a dimension added by individuality? 

What I'm saying is there needs to be an "I" for loneliness and aloneness. Otherwise to whom are these attributes pointing to? There's no one there.

The illusionist is not an entity, as my investigation is leading me to believe.

 

To explain what I mean even simpler: 

Aloneness and Loneliness mean: I + no-one else.

If there is no "I", this is nonsensical.

Edited December 31, 2017 by Dodo

[Nexeternity]

Hey man!  Hope you feel better soon.

Life can suck sometimes.

Thanks for sharing your story with us.

 

[WaterfallMachine]

Thank you all of you for dropping by. Really. Thank you for those who provided some comfort and insights. From the first, I relaxed somewhat. From the second, I learned something that would help me.

I'm better, but still depressed at some level. I guess it's not just this specific insight but the grieving over how my own ego seems to be dying, and all the positive sounding traps and illusions from it. It felt like an addiction withdrawal to me, and when I googled the symptoms of drug withdrawal symptoms, it's . . . surprisingly similar. Odd to think of our addiction to our ego as practically like a drug addiction. 

I'll remember you guys when I get back to my practice. For now, I'll take it easy. 

Well, take care.

[snowleopard]

@WaterfallMachine  This depression may be to do with the loss of all those once-cherished egoic beliefs, but if the depression is prolonged then I'd suggest that it is a message that there is still some shadow stuff that is crying out to be investigated. You've probably already figured out that there is no causation 'out there.' It has to do with some subconscious identification with some core belief, and the only way to resolve that is through continued deep inquiry. It seems psychedelics, if used in the proper healing context, with experienced guidance, can greatly help with this . But with or without them, the message should not be ignored or repressed. Treat it more as an ally in the ongoing awakening.

[Nahm]

@WaterfallMachine I can’t wrap my head around how less ego brings any depression. I don’t think that’s where it’s ‘coming from’. 

@Dodo “The illusionist is not an entity, as my investigation is leading me to believe.”.   Please, don’t take this argumentatively, but I have had the completely opposite experience. As in, it’s conscious, self aware. Just sharing. 

[WaterfallMachine]

@snowleopard @Nahm

Well, I'm aware that there is some additional shadows inside me I need to work on.  I've been through more than 15 mental health treatments for years on my own, and got diagnosed with PTSD by a therapist recently. Apparently I've been denying the possibility of that diagnosis for a while.

And Nahm, when I mean less ego, I don't mean the state of less ego, I mean the emotions created to cling to the ego too much. It's "less" in a sense is that it's beginning to slip away somehow, but, it's not actually gone. Sorry if I created a misunderstanding here.

Edited December 31, 2017 by WaterfallMachine

[Nahm]

@WaterfallMachine gotcha. Overall progressing, just a temporary regress, or maybe impatience. - I’d look for what I know I want to stop doing or start doing, or both. The source is always offering that to us, the ‘work’ for us is listening. Good luck. Seems like you’re on top of it to me. Writing wanted things, perspectives, etc,  up on the wall is a focus game changer for me. Just a thought. ❤️

[zazed]

At least you know everyone is alone. Even the most social humans surrounded by people, are alone and isolated, interacting only with their own interpretation of others. In this way you are no different from anyone else in your aloneness.

Thinking is a dangerous thing, it is double edged sword. It can be helpful in understanding and solving problems. But it can also lead to unhelpful rumination, leading to depression. Don't over analyse such things, it doesn't mean much to realize that we are essentially alone. In fact, nothing essentially has changed in reality by understanding this truth. Reality doesn't change by gaining understanding of it, life as such goes on, it doesn't care what you think of it. 

The problem is not being alone, the problem is deciding that being alone is a problem. This decision you can make for yourself, and you can make it again and again.

https://goo.gl/images/NpHnKK

 

[Dodo]

1 hour ago, Nahm said:

@WaterfallMachine I can’t wrap my head around how less ego brings any depression. I don’t think that’s where it’s ‘coming from’. 

@Dodo “The illusionist is not an entity, as my investigation is leading me to believe.”.   Please, don’t take this argumentatively, but I have had the completely opposite experience. As in, it’s conscious, self aware. Just sharing. 

Are you saying God has an Ego?

I've had an experience of seeing an angel, but if it's past, i cannot be sure of their existence.  Also of matter for that matter.

How do you know that your experience /insperience from the past was absolute? 

Infinity never stops,in all directions. If God has an image of itself at one point,  no matter how grand it is, God is already missing infinitely much of itself, the infinity beyond the circle of present perception of God. 

The Human is God being aware of a limited part of itself, because that's the only way God can be aware of itself. 

In other words if infinity perceives infinity, who perceives the bigger infinity. And so on.. (yes you can say there is no bigger infinity,  but truth is infinity never stops growing. So at any point in time experiencing infinity will be an outdated version, because that very second God became infinitely more than what is perceived.)

Where am I going wrong, and don't say its just thinking, i spend enough time not thinking too, it's time for some balance. 

Im not arguing im sharing my point of view and reasoning for saying what im saying. 

 

 

Edited December 31, 2017 by Dodo

[Moreira]

You are not depressed, is your ego.

It's true that we are just one, but in this 3dimensional world we play a little part as single independent consciousness. It sounds sad that we are alone but when you play your character and know other characters duality looks so real that we forget the sadness.

[snowleopard]

It's another seeming paradox that any 'experience of infinitude' must be both an experience of aloneness and  all-oneness. But it does feel different from the sense of loneliness that arises within a segregated self apart from that infinitude, as Rupert speaks to here ...

 

Edited December 31, 2017 by snowleopard

[Nahm]

@Dodo I think you answered your question.  For myself, I make distinctions between my experience and my thoughts about what infinity is, and I find clarity in it. I’m not suggesting it’s a one size fits all, ‘right’ thing to do. 

[Nahm]

@see_on_see how can typing be done?