advice on social interactions

[rogi 97]

So its been about 10 days since ive decided to work on my social skills, and so far its pretty good, but there is just one thing thats been in the field and it has caught my attention. The thing is, i can make conversation pretty well but it doesnt make me feel good like people say it does. However, the oposite holds true for when im on events and hoidays like the new years, where im under the effects of alcohool which makes me get a hell of a kick out of conversation. So, my question is, how do i get a ''kick'' out of conversation when im sober? is it something that i just have to push through and keep working on? or is there just something wrong with my brain?

[Cjaryo]

When you're intoxicated, the ego or at least part of it isn't so restrictive about what you do and say, so you seem more natural and say what you want to. Try to talk more about the deep and real topics that you enjoy when you are sober, and you'll get better at it with experience.

[rogi 97]

1 hour ago, Cjaryo said:

When you're intoxicated, the ego or at least part of it isn't so restrictive about what you do and say, so you seem more natural and say what you want to. Try to talk more about the deep and real topics that you enjoy when you are sober, and you'll get better at it with experience.

thats.. what seems to be the question at hand, because generally the topic or things that i talk about with people here doesnt differ much at all, since no one around me is into self development, spirituality, and other interests i have (aparently where i live its a tad unusual) when intoxicated, the content doesnt change, we just play around, and talk about their interests which is usually what some people label low conciousness stuff, but i know better than to judge, anyway, i digress, the point is the topics dont change but my level of enthusiasm changes a whole lot and overall dopamine levels skyrocket. so i feel its better for me and the person im with if im transmiting a better energy to consequently uplift myself and every around.

so i was wondering if anyone around would have some good advice when it comes to this.

Edited December 31, 2017 by rogi 97
adding

[Cjaryo]

@rogi 97 Then it seems like your problem might be just overthinking when you're sober, which I believe comes from anxiety and stress, so find a way to let go, and maybe lower your standards until you get comfortable.

[aurum]

@rogi 97

I used to drink pretty heavily so I know exactly where this is coming from.

The whole appeal of alcohol is that it can shut off feeling constrained by your ego and any resistance you might be holding.

That's why your conversations seem better. You're just letting go.

15 hours ago, rogi 97 said:

So, my question is, how do i get a ''kick'' out of conversation when im sober?

You have to learn how to let go naturally.

People get hooked on alcohol because they think it's their only option to get out of their ego for a minute. They don't know any other way that could actually be healthy, and so they falsely assume alcohol is their savior.

So how do you do it naturally?

Meditation, yoga or any sort of energetic healing work would be good places to start. You need to quiet the monkey mind.

[nikolay]

Think about adding more authenticity to your conversations. Notice that when you are drunk you are being totally authentic! A thought comes up and you immediately blurt it out. Try to do the same when sober. This means that if you want to change the topic to a more interesting, funny or deep one you simply do it. If you want to throw a ridiculous joke or statement, simply do it. Improvement will come with time and practice (a couple of months or years)

I also committed to working on my social skills and it's been 3 months since. One thing that I noticed is that the level of enthusiasm I can get from a conversation depends om my mood. Sometimes I don't really want to talk with people but the fact that I've committed to socialization makes me feel obligated to do so and in those situations I don't really get quality conversations.

So my advice is to become mindful of when you really want to communicate with people and when you are simply doing it because of the goal you've set to yourself about improving your social skills. And when you notice you really want to connect with people, go for it, speak to them, challenge them, joke around with them, become the leader of the conversation, talk about sex, drugs, relationships, enlightenment, money... whatever you find interesting!

I hope this helps

Edited December 31, 2017 by nikolay

[rogi 97]

Thanks everyone

ill take your advice to heart and implement

Some I am already implementing on a day to day basis while others hadnt come to mind and upon closer reflection really might help.

Thnx