During my trip in India last year I had the realization that the intellect is incapable of certainty.
Its job seems to be to browse the past, but it doesn't possess the capacity for certainty.

As I let go of beliefs, faith, religion and hopes I arrive at a very bizarre place, a place of complete uncertainty.
All kinds of fears that I suppressed through wishful thinking and hopes begin to resurface here.
It's not nice. In this situation one quickly becomes aware of the reason why everyone clings to their beliefs so hard. So now what? I am here completely clueless. Logic is no longer helpful for I have realized that even logic is based on beliefs.
Some beliefs on which logic is based on are: "cause precedes effect", "empirical data is meaningful", "insights are meaningful", "reality obeys logic", "logic accurately describes reality", etc...

One of my first spiritual inspirations was a guy called Jed McKenna. He started his journey based on the assumption that there's truth and that truth is the simplest thing possible. In other words he believed that if something could not be further simplified then it's fundamental...
Although I have listened to all of his audio books multiple times, he never really explained how he confirmed that there's truth.
Anyone with enough imagination can come up with a version of the universe where reductionism is futile.
Example:


I've heard people say - "Well if there's no truth then the truth is that there's no truth.". Wrong.
If there's no truth, then there's no truth. It's easy to see why you can't generate certainty via mental gymnastics
and that any statement can be questioned as long as you have sufficient imagination.

Probably that's why Carneades exclaimed "Nothing can be known not even this."
This is a very interesting statement as it's not simply the nihilistic "Nothing can be known".
First it tells us that nothing can be known and then it takes away that as well. What's left is not a statement
but a very peculiar state of mind - a type of emptiness. The thought process collapses for a moment...

It is my understanding that zen koans such as "what is the sound of one hand clapping?" were designed
to help us collapse all logic and mental gymnastics and focus our awareness on this emptiness.

The heart sutra states - "...no ignorance, and no termination of ignorance..., no attainment, and no non-attainment..."
At this point the logical mind is like "wtf, pick one...", but my understanding is that the logical mind is missing the point.
The point is again to become aware of this empty place which isn't something and isn't nothing either, for nothing is also a concept.

Although this is quite profound it doesn't answer any questions and it doesn't solve a lot of suffering.
It didn't produce any samadhis for me (maybe I don't spend enough time meditating on this emptiness) and it didn't make me realize that form is emptiness and emptiness is also form either.

You see philosophy for me is part of the problem for as Richard Feynman stated "To answer any WHY question, one must begin with an assumption" - otherwise there's no basis to start from. But do you really want to start from a belief like Jed McKenna? Do you really want to assume? I certainly don't.
And to be honest these assumptions seem equally worthless to me as religion or any other belief system.

Here's what I intuit (I could be wrong): You don't surrender to understand, because if you have an expectation you can't surrender. If you are hoping to get something out of your surrender you don't really surrender. The desire to surrender arises out of the realization that the senses cannot grasp reality. In other words instead of asking why should I surrender, it's better to ask, why should I not surrender. Most people feel that by surrendering they will be trading one real thing for another. That there's some sort of sacrifice or loss involved. Is that really the case? Here's another good one:
"Without the past, there would be nothing to think about, let alone someone to think it." - From the TV show Sens8
The Zen Masters call this journey The Gateless Gate, because what you are surrendering never really existed in the first place. From Ego's point of view there is a journey to wake up. From the point of view of someone who is awake there is no journey, because you were just dreaming.

So why am I writing all of this? Because I desperately want to go further. I have been stuck here for a while... So where's Trinity? How do I get out of here? What's next?
Did you enjoy this humble revelation of mine? I am looking forward to your comments.