Gradually worsening kundalini-syndrome after vipassana-retreat

[Dimiel]

Hi guys, 

I went to my first 10 day vipassana retreat six months ago to jump-start my meditation practice. It was very intense but a positive experience for me. On the seventh day of the retreat I experienced something that I have later on come to understand probably was my first jhana; blisfull rapture and free flow of energy through out the body that lasted for about a minute or so. 

After this jhana-experience things started to get weird. I started to feel extreme pressure inside my skull and very sharp pains inside my torso. It literally feels like there is a long sharp object inside my body all the way from my head to lower back. I asked the teacher about it at the retreat and he said that this is normal and just a deep sankhara (some kind of energetic block). He told me to keep meditating equanimously and eventually this sankhara will dissolve. 

During the last 6 months after the retreat I have kept meditating on average 20-30min daily, however I have noticed the following tendency: the more I meditate the sharper this pain becomes and also I start experiencing other “symptoms”. These symptoms include dissosiation, feeling like everything is a dream, I feel like my body is vibrating, most of the time I feel too warm (even though I live in Finland where it is really cold at the moment). Also I feel like I have gotten stuck in my head very badly and just confused. The severity of these symptoms correlates with how much I meditate and based on my research sound like what they call kundalini-syndrome. 

I have found conflicting information about how to deal with kundalini-syndrome. Some say that it is better to take a break from spiritual practice and just focus on grounding etc while others say that you should just “push through”. I have tried both approaches and it just seems to be impossible to move on. 

So I wanted to ask if some of you guys have experienced something like this after a vipassana-retreat or otherwise? How have you been able to deal with it? 

Any tipps would be greatly appreciated. 

Thank you. 

[cirkussmile]

Hi,

Thank you for sharing and I feel you are very concerned about this matter.

I don't think a name is necessary and I don't think that trying to find a solution is what you need. When the body goes through something like this it can at first be very unreal and scary. You are going through some big change in how you see yourself. The more open you are that your body is going through this the easier it gets for you. After all... you are not the body and mind. The thoughts in the head are not your thoughts.

No doctor will find a solution to your problem and neither will a psychologist do. I think it's time to fully trust your experience and stay with it. Whatever you feel, just feel it. If you are worried then let it be like that. The more we try to find solutions the more lost we get and that's when we get wrinkles in the forehead. I have no idea who you are and what will work for you. The only thing I know is that it is alright, it will be alright and it has always been alright. 

Everything you experience is exactly that. Experiences. Remind yourself that you are not experience nor will you ever find who you are. You can only be who you are. Doing and trying to figure out things are bound to lead to more confusion.

Maybe try to meditate more but with ZERO expectation. Maybe pranayama. Maybe yoga. Maybe something. But do not stay where you are and try to think your way out of this. 

In a while, this will just be a vague memory. But now it is very real. Let go. Relax. Everything is alright. Don't give it too much attention if you don't have to. 

Much love

Edited December 28, 2017 by cirkussmile

[Dimiel]

@cirkussmile Thank you! Very uplifting thoughts! Probably I have been focusing too much on diagnosing and analyzing this “condition” which only has made it worse. 

Yeah I have been experimenting with different kinds of meditation techniques like pranayama. Also trying yoga is a good idea for sure.