Am I going in the wrong direction with Self Inquiry?

[Matteo]

Hello, happy holidays to everyone.

At the end of my last self inquiry session, I wrote down this:

 

"All senses appear as a modulation or coloration of the same attribute-less field. This field is made visible by the senses, they are the field itself. Sensory perceptions are not fundamental to me, because they change and disappear without afflicting the capacity of this space to make itself visible by appearing as sensory perceptions. Is not possible to have an object in this field called "the perceiver", because that would be on the same plane of existence of things that are perceived, and what is perceived cannot be perceiving by definition. There is no evidence for a brain hallucinating the content of consciousness, because it is a metaphysical assumption that has no ground other than itself. Even if it was possible to see not the "hallucinated brain", but the "hallucinating brain", what would be hallucinating that brain then? It would be brains all the way up, which is nothing more than an assumption. "

 

This is were I got after almost two years of self inquiry, but it doesn't feel satisfying at all. It feels more like mental masturbation, and I'm afraid that I'm going in the wrong direction.

Do you have any suggestion? Thank you.

[Pallero]

Did you actually see/realize that or are you just theorizing? You have to really see it, not just understand it intellectually with your mind (=mental masturbation). 

[Dodo]

9 hours ago, Matteo said:

Hello, happy holidays to everyone.

At the end of my last self inquiry session, I wrote down this:

 

"All senses appear as a modulation or coloration of the same attribute-less field. This field is made visible by the senses, they are the field itself. Sensory perceptions are not fundamental to me, because they change and disappear without afflicting the capacity of this space to make itself visible by appearing as sensory perceptions. Is not possible to have an object in this field called "the perceiver", because that would be on the same plane of existence of things that are perceived, and what is perceived cannot be perceiving by definition. There is no evidence for a brain hallucinating the content of consciousness, because it is a metaphysical assumption that has no ground other than itself. Even if it was possible to see not the "hallucinated brain", but the "hallucinating brain", what would be hallucinating that brain then? It would be brains all the way up, which is nothing more than an assumption. "

 

This is were I got after almost two years of self inquiry, but it doesn't feel satisfying at all. It feels more like mental masturbation, and I'm afraid that I'm going in the wrong direction.

Do you have any suggestion? Thank you.

Interesting. There seems to be something here that is blocking your realisation.  There seems to be a belief that awareness (the attributeless impersonal no-self) cannot know itself by being itself in it's purest.

That it can only do it through appearing as sense perceptions (stuff) first. This is because you're indeed looking in the wrong direction.  This is still content in the formless.

That field of impersonal aware blankness is infinitely greater than the bodymind - the believed doer of the inquiry, so it can't be understood by mind, which you Still seem to be trying to do. 

Surrender, acceptance, practice. See everything as it is in your next meditation.  Don't refer to past - this means that all you should be left with is the image of blackness, the sounds present, the feelings present and the sense of I am. Now defocus froma any of these objects and just Be the space for them. Allow the awakening. Feel yourself as That vastness. 

If the mind is looking it will look like nothingness, so only the objects will be seen. Mind needs to land on objects to know itself,  unlike awareness. 

 

Edited December 27, 2017 by Dodo

[molosku]

Look up my post on self-inquiry, its my first or second. Maybe it will help also check out gangaji, she might have something to remind you of.

[Extreme Z7]

I don't recommend theorizing when it comes to self-inquiry. I've pretty much abandoned, for the most part, on focusing on Leo's lessons for self-inquiry because they feel like too much unnecessary mental effort.

Now I just self-inquire by just BEing or trying to BE at least. I try to just sit and notice all the ego-illusions for what they are until I break through to a state of higher awareness. Today, I had a pretty strong self-inquiry session and I felt like I died a little bit. But I'm still far from enlightenment.

Edited December 27, 2017 by Extreme Z7

[Telepresent]

You're trying to define. Which is understandable - that's what I've spent most of my time doing until very recently, when I twigged that that was all I was doing. I snapped through it when I went for the big one: I tried to define NOTHING. Blew the whole thing wide open

[jse]

12 hours ago, Matteo said:

This is were I got after almost two years of self inquiry, but it doesn't feel satisfying at all. It feels more like mental masturbation, and I'm afraid that I'm going in the wrong direction.

People who have practiced self-inquiry for decades eventually come to the same conclusion, if they are honest.

Self-inquiry and other observation practices are often used to reinforce the sense of a separate autonomous entity.  The spiritual practices themselves are hijacked by the thought process, and this strengthens the illusion of a (non-existent) ego.

Edited December 27, 2017 by jse

[DoubleYou]

7 minutes ago, Telepresent said:

You're trying to define. Which is understandable - that's what I've spent most of my time doing until very recently, when I twigged that that was all I was doing. I snapped through it when I went for the big one: I tried to define NOTHING. Blew the whole thing wide open

Yes, that always works for me too. You litteraly experience the limits of the mind in front of your eyes. And then naturally, you let go of it.

[Afonso]

Sit down, feel where Me is and hold on to that sense. That's all you have to do really! It's so simple that it sparks resistance.

REALLY, just stay still and sense I, Me, I am. Stay with that.

NOW REALLY, IT'S JUST THAT SIMPLE!

REAAAAALLY! 

[Nahm]

@Matteo great work! Psychedelics, or a few more years. Study qm’s too. 

[Nahm]

@Afonso why the psychedelics then? ? ?????????

[Afonso]

@Nahm I didn't say it was easy to have a breakthrough, but the practice is pretty simple!

[Matteo]

5 hours ago, Nahm said:

@Matteo great work! Psychedelics, or a few more years. Study qm’s too. 

Thank you. What is qm?

[Nahm]

@Matteo sorry - quantum mechanics. 

[Nahm]

@Afonso funny how life is that way.