"love" Hurts ?

[Ayla]

I'll try to demonstrate here a deep dynamic taking place in our relationships. 

Start simple: 

*Children are programmed to only see love. Everything they see around until concepts are formed, is viewed as love. 

Example of a (not so uncommon) family:

Behaviors: 

• father yelling 
• father violent
• father abusive
• father cheating

• mother only giving attention when child is being "bad" or sick
• mother blaming child 
• mother taking her anger on child
• mother being helpless, angry and sick 

Adam LOVES Eve.

Let us replace LOVE with the letter X

Adam X Eve

For Adam, X was seen as a combination of above behaviors. So when Adam sees a nice sweet girl, he rejects her. His own experience of X does not fit those criteria. When Adam's energy detects an angry violent helpless girl, he is aroused! AH that feels like love!!!  

Same for Eve. Seeing an abusive drunken lazy lad feels like love to her, because this is all she associates with X. 

Think of Adam and Eve as tiny children in an adult body. See them wearing small 1-2-3-4-5 years old T-shirts that represent energetic blockages that do not fit their being any longer, and they hurt! 

What is YOUR definition of love?  

 

[Rosie]

i don't think that problems in family have nothing to do with love. I think you can purely love someone and still abuse them emotionally as you did not learn how to do it right. It's like just because a kid did not learn yet how to read and write doesn't mean that the kid would be stupid. For me love is that unconditional feeling when you only want to protect and care for an another person. This is caused by hormones of course and it can be partly taken away for short or long periods when the hormone is replaced by other stronger feelings and behaviours. This doesn't rectify the abuse ....

[Rosie]

also I don't think love is what hurting. The abuse what hurts after. Who do you abuse the most, the people are closest to you...simply because they are there.

[Keyblade Viking]

To copy paste myself from that other thread about unconditional love:
(PS. If anyone is curious I can go in to some detail about what Adam and Eve actually represent and their story)

"Like and Love is not the same and Love is not what people think it is.

Love is Truth and it pretty much have to be unconditional for it to be real, it can only be experienced when you move passed the ego and open up to the full infinity of who you are  

Now is someone is just straight out "evil" or whatever you'll see the condition they're in and you still love them but unconditional love does not mean (at all) unconditional fluff, anything but in fact. 
"If you love something set it free" right? you'll want to help in whatever way you can to break down their ego regardless of what people around you think of you for it.

If you love your body you will take care of it, exercise (to break the body down), feed it well and rest it (to build it back up even stronger but also healthier), it is the same when you love everyone else, you don't want to go easy on them if you know it ain't gonna do them well in the end, beating someone down can actually be the same as stopping someone from committing suicide as you bring them closer to their true self and real life.

A relationship in this case would be something you have with someone you fit well together etc but what you really 'love' above all else is the spirit itself (which in a way is everything lol) and this person that you spend so much time with you would't love any more than anyone else (or it'd be conditional love) but you love yourself enough to be with the one who make you the most happy and fulfilled."

Edited February 26, 2016 by Keyblade Viking

[Keyblade Viking]

I forgot about the question in the title there, no Love don't hurt until after you've rejected it, it's the lack of love that hurt.

Trying to get it back will also hurt because you have to go through all the bullshit you have created for yourself to get there.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w7c-XY695hk
That video is so fucking awesome, look at poor Mathews face from 9 minutes and onward (or better yet, watch the entire thing), now there's some real fucking humbling

Other than that Lust can hurt and it can hurt to see everyone hate themselves and suffer when you know how easily they could just throw all that ego bullshit away, that's true so in a way love can hurt.
You can also learn to laugh at it though because you know they will reach the promised land in due time

[FindingPeace]

This is a huge topic I've spent the last year or so contemplating. I don't have time to go into it all right now.

In short, if it hurts, it isn't love. Love isn't a feeling, it's an attitude towards someone or something.

The problem is that what people think of as love, isn't. And society and the media don't help with this one. Most people confuse love with 'like alot'. But more than that, the 'normal' kind of love is actually more of a 'selfish' love. You love something or someone because they serve your agenda in some way. They make you feel good, feel secure, feel loved, validated, approved of, give you attention, give you shelter....the list goes on.

Of course the moment that person fails to meet you need or expectation then the love 'hurts' - because you are not getting what you want.

Real, true love, is about acceptance. It is accepting someone for exactly who and what they are without judgment and criticism. It is caring what is best for them even if that comes at an expense to you. This is the exact opposite to 'normal' love. Normally, if someone's happiness came at your expense you would call them selfish. When in fact you are being selfish for not letting them be what they need to be.

Real love is about accepting and appreciating the other person, without judgement or criticism. It is also accepting that maybe someone isn't good for you, without judgement or criticism. Afterall, just because we love someone doesn't mean we can accept them into our lives if they are not compatible with us. Doesn't mean we have to surrender or submit to them.

I don't think many people truly know how to experience real true love without it being tinted by the normal every-day selfish kind. If you introspect hard enough you will see how selfish yours and everyone else's 'love' really is - how it serves their own agenda and how the love gets withdrawn when it stops serving that agenda.

Leo has talked briefly about this in some of his videos.

 

[Ayla]

This Topic is in the relationships sub-forum for a reason, and none of you unfortunately understood its point  

It is meant to make you aware of people's behavior in relationships, and why they usually hurt. Oh well... maybe this is one step ahead lol  

[Rosie]

4 hours ago, Ayla said:

 

What is YOUR definition of love?  

 

I answered for this question.

[Keyblade Viking]

Just now, Ayla said:

This Topic is in the relationships sub-forum for a reason, and none of you unfortunately understood its point  

It is meant to make you aware of people's behavior in relationships, and why they usually hurt. Oh well... maybe this is one step ahead lol  

lol, oh well. I think it comes down to 2 main reason:

1 - People don't know how to communicate anymore and instead of talking TO each other they will talk AT each other and on top of that they often feel like they have so many secrets they can't admit to each other or sometimes even to themselves and these can be the silliest things.

For example a child might not be allowed to say that they simply don't want to do something or that they're scared or certain things or whatever (social anxiety for example) because they're afraid that their parents will judge them for it and they often times do just say stupid shit like "Get over it" or "You'll have to face it" and then they won't help you at all.
So that's one problem.

2 - The other problem I'm not sure if I'm allowed to talk about (lol) but it comes down to 1. respecting who we are, 2. being our best selves and 3. helping each other becoming our best selves.

The reason I'm saying I might not be allowed to talk about this is because I want to use the "Being a Man" and "Being a Woman" example.
In a relationship the Man has to be the man and the woman has to be the woman and if they both have (and I use this word lightly because there's probably nothing "wrong" about it) a dysfunctional brain so the man have a female brain kinda and so on they can change the role but both roles need to be filled.

These days the man in particular is not allowed to be the man and the woman take up both roles, it's not gonna work out, you need to repeat the inside on the outside, the left male brain and the right feminine brain, it's just how it works, it's how we're genetically designed.
The woman is not made to be the man and the man is not made to be the woman, feminism have caused such huge problems for both sexes.

So we often times don't respect that (probably because of mistake 1 - that we don't communicate anymore) and we teach our kids to be like the world we live in, preventing them from becoming their best selves and causing all kinds of problems and then we don't want to be what we're physically designed to be either.

This causes a huge mess.

[Elton]

@Ayla very interesting article ayla very very interesting...  Thanks for sharing... 

[step1]

4 hours ago, Rosie said:

i don't think that problems in family have nothing to do with love. I think you can purely love someone and still abuse them emotionally as you did not learn how to do it right. It's like just because a kid did not learn yet how to read and write doesn't mean that the kid would be stupid. For me love is that unconditional feeling when you only want to protect and care for an another person. This is caused by hormones of course and it can be partly taken away for short or long periods when the hormone is replaced by other stronger feelings and behaviours. This doesn't rectify the abuse ....

The dynamics of your family during childhood often have a huge impact on who you choose as a partner.  For instance, sometimes a girl who didn't have a good relationship with her father growing up will seek out a partner who also resembles a father figure to fulfil what was missing from her childhood.

However this probably isn't real love.  Like you say real love is unconditional.. 

 

Edited February 26, 2016 by step1

[FindingPeace]

4 minutes ago, step1 said:

sometimes a girl who didn't have a good relationship with her father growing up will seek out a partner who also resembles a father figure to fulfil what was missing from her childhood.

It also happens that people may choose partners that effectively re-create their childhood. So someone who grows up with dysfunctional or abusive parents or parent, may well end up with a partner equally as dysfunctional or abusive. Or even a role reversal to what the child experienced may occour.

[99th_monkey]

[kalter000]

Partners use each other to provide their egoic needs. They are lacking something in themselves, but little do they know they can't fulfill themselves with each other. This codependency is called love.

There are a lot of reasons for that, as cool guys ( and girls, ok ok ) stated above, it might be issues from parents, bad socialisation experience, other traumatic events. High level of consciousness is required to dig out this stuff and find root causes of suffering and codependency. But hey, who would waste their time on this silly stuff, huh?

[Guest]

Love doesn't hurt, ego and chimping does.