How should I go about tackling my internet addiction?

[lmfao]

Hi guys, I'm a 17 year old male who uses the internet problematically. I will talk a bit about myself so you get a picture of what kind of person I am.

Information about me as a whole

To say a bit about me, I'm an INTP who enjoys maths and physics a lot. I have depression of some form, and I have had emotional breakdowns where I punch mattresses out of frustration when I'm alone. During two occasions, which both occurred about two months ago, I started hyperventilating and was crying uncontrollably. I've been on medication for three weeks now which has helped me remain stable, and without it I would be even more lethargic,pessimistic and nihilistic then I currently am.

I don't fit in at school much. I don't get bullied, but I feel like a misfit in what I deem to be a shallow,fake environment. I'm a very disorganized and lazy person, but I still perform well academically since I focus on understanding things through first principles, rather than directing my focus towards regurgitating facts in the exact manner a teacher or textbook tells you to (although in exams you must write down the answer the examiners expect of you). I hate the fact that teachers wont go through the reasoning that led to a conclusion and then expect you to mindlessly memorize the conclusion. I have a genuine passion for maths and physics, and I try to understand how complex formulas are derived from the most elementary of mathematical principles, to the best of my ability. I'm good at maths and science but I am very far from being a genius.  Although I have 6-7 friends I hang out a lot with, I only really feel close to 2 of them, as they are the only people who like discussing abstract ideas with me. People can perceive me as being stuck up and arrogant when I use abstract terms in casual conversation, but that is not my intention, and so I feel misunderstood to a degree. Even when it comes to the friends I do have, some of them are dickish and get on my nerves sometimes, and it's a love-hate relationship with one or two of them. I don't have that much in common with them, and I stick around with them simply because they are better company than my alternative option of hanging around boisterous extroverts who operate on a very different level than me.  

Since I have a bad sleeping pattern (due to internet use), I'm usually very fatigued and exhausted after school and I scarcely do anything productive outside of school, which makes school take up a large portion of my external world. Time flies when I'm relaxing in the evening, but dilates for me in the anxiety inducing environment for me that is school. I have a problem with social anxiety, I try to avoid crowded areas, as I feel like everyone is judging me negatively.

Internet addiction

I have a low-self esteem. I am not very physically attractive and I hate the sound of my voice. I am shy around girls, and I think the cause of this is my religious upbringing which demonized sexuality and how I should view the opposite gender (right now I am an agnostic atheist). I am a very neurotic individual who ruminates a lot. I hate myself for all of my deficiencies. I feel depressed.

I watch a lot of anime and tv shows on the internet as a form of escapism, and it wastes ridiculous amounts of time for me.  To some extent I envy characters like Walter White or Frank Underwood, as they pursue with relentless determination what they want and don't give a shit about what other people think, and I sometimes think to myself that I wouldn't mind living a criminal life which is similar to them. It is a dark thought that occurs to me when I'm feeling frustrated with everything.  I use my phone constantly to check social media notifications ( although I barely get any). I waste huge amounts of time on youtube, watching videos with clips of my favourite shows (death note,code geass, dragon ball and etc) or watching videos on politics and philosophy (sam harris, sargon of akkad, jordon peterson and etc) and I also listen to lots of music evoke my suppressed emotions. I have a severe porn addiction, and I've been watching porn since I was 12 years old. The pornographic material I consume has gradually become more and more hardcore,novel, and shocking since consumption of pornography has led to a significantly numbed pleasure response from masturbation. My addiction has only been getting worse over time, despite the fact that I've been struggling to quit porn for over 3 years, where I've wrestled with myself a lot.

I am currently in my second week of Christmas Holidays, so I haven't been to school for over a week. I laze around in my house constantly, using youtube and websites to watch a lot of videos of anime,tv shows and youtubers. I should be studying for some exams coming up (luckily they are only practice exams), but instead I fuck around with my life. I've watched almost all of Leo's videos over the span of the last 8 months, but very little has changed for me (which is my fault). I am going to bed at 6am every day, and have fucked up my sleeping pattern.

Prior to the last few days, I went to the gym regularly for two weeks. After going to the gym, I felt energized and my mood was incredibly uplifted. I felt normal. However, whenever I took days off from the gym to rest, I would feel as my usual depressed self. For the last week I've kept a mindfulness mediation routine, where I've meditated for 20-30 mins a day. And although meditation feels great and sharpens my awareness temporarily, it has not been enough so far to snap me out of my trance of addiction. I had what you might call an "enlightenment experience" about 6 months ago, where I was hyper aware of the fact that all my thoughts and sensations were flowing through me, and were coming out of a void. It was a profound experience beyond words. Prior to the last week, I have only meditated a handful of times, and this experience was a complete shock to me. I felt extremely blissful, and the memory of that time has kept me attached to the idea of enlightenment.

My addiction is also getting in the way of me studying maths and physics, and I intend to study physics to as deep a level as possible in my lifetime. 

My question

So to overcome my internet addiction, should I go cold turkey? Is going cold turkey the best solution for me ( and perhaps my only option)? I've watched Leo's video on overcoming addiction. Will sitting in an empty room ( and constantly meditating) for at least a few hours every day be the solution? How long should I spend sitting in an empty room? And when I'm not meditating, I should just do anything but go on the internet (although I must use the internet for studying)? Perhaps this hardcore solution is the only chance for me, and will be extremely painful. Optimistically speaking however, harnessing my awareness will make resisting the internet more easy. Have you guys got any tips for how I should tackle my internet addiction? How should I go about implementing the advice Leo gives on overcoming addiction?

I have probably waffled a lot in what I've written here, so thank you for reading. To be frank, I've typed this post as a form of catharsis, as I feel quite lonely. Any answers are much appreciated. It's 6:30am for me right now, and I'm about to go to bed, so please forgive any grammatical mistakes I've made whilst being tired.

Edited December 26, 2017 by lmfao

[Guest Annetta]

I have an internet addiction as well.

I'm thinking of quitting cold turkey.  I guess I'll start right now and see where I get in a year.

And that's how it's done.

Bye! ❤?

[LaucherJunge]

@lmfao
Internet addiction is often disguise for another addiction or atleast connected to it. I would start with other addictions that might be related to it and deal with the internet addiction the very last. Like addictions to porn, video games, animes, whatever you have there, if you lose those things chances are getting off the internet will get 1000x easier. Especially porn addiction is very underrestimated, it is comparable to an addiction to hard drugs. You wouldn't do heroin, would you? So you should also not do porn, if you do. By the way it is the nr. 1 tool against social anxiety if you stop it.

Edited December 26, 2017 by LaucherJunge

[sgn]

13 hours ago, LaucherJunge said:

By the way it is the nr. 1 tool against social anxiety if you stop it.

That's a bold statement

Edited December 26, 2017 by sgn

[Nahm]

@lmfao write down your “why’s”. About what you want in your life, and hang it on the wall. Nice and big so you can’t miss it. Hang it where you’re normally online. It’ll remind you of your deeper self. It’ll make it so much easier. 

[Maria Nunes]

I have an internet addiction too, specially YouTube. Right now I only allow myself 1 hour per day of YouTube, from 8 to 9 pm. If I can't go at that time, well, there's no youtube that day. 

[Jonson]

On 12/26/2017 at 8:32 AM, lmfao said:

focus on understanding things through first principles, rather than directing my focus towards regurgitating facts in the exact manner a teacher or textbook tells you to (although in exams you must write down the answer the examiners expect of you). I hate the fact that teachers wont go through the reasoning that led to a conclusion and then expect you to mindlessly memorize the conclusion.

I also hate it :)) and then the ones who get rewarded are usually those who learn the formulas and just apply them in problem-solving , rather than understanding the mechanics, the logistics behind those formulas. This happens in every class , not just math : teachers telling "facts" based on their personal assumptions and based on their social conditioning . They also have this attitude of knowing it all .

 

On 12/26/2017 at 8:32 AM, lmfao said:

Although I have 6-7 friends I hang out a lot with, I only really feel close to 2 of them, as they are the only people who like discussing abstract ideas with me

This happens to me sometimes too and I'm just wondering , how are they not interested in important fields like philosophy ,meditation, psychology , success ... they're more interested in clothing , trends , instagram popularity - not like that's bad or something ... I also care about that stuff but it's far less important than anything above  - they kinda imagine that those things will make them happy  :))  but not all of them , i also have like 2 much more open-minded very cool friends. But that's not even so important , you can still appreciate them , they probably have many other positive aspects too, other than critical thinking  like sense of humor --  that's very important in my opinion . 

 

On 12/26/2017 at 8:32 AM, lmfao said:

I have a problem with social anxiety, I try to avoid crowded areas, as I feel like everyone is judging me negatively.

On 12/26/2017 at 8:32 AM, lmfao said:

I have a low-self esteem. I am not very physically attractive and I hate the sound of my voice. I am shy around girls, and I think the cause of this is my religious upbringing which demonized sexuality and how I should view the opposite gender (right now I am an agnostic atheist). I am a very neurotic individual who ruminates a lot. I hate myself for all of my deficiencies. I feel depressed.

This is bullshit ! I also used to think like this a lot and sometimes i still feel like this but then i realize that i'm just wasting time . I'm also 17 and I used to tell myself that too , i had like a depressed  faze when i was 15 cause my crush got a bf , i had this victim mindset ... since then ..i've talked to many amazing girls ,had a lot of fun ... i have grown a lot . I am so much better in social situations now - All it takes is just opening your mouth and saying what you want in the way that you want. Other people are not some kind of authority to decide if you're ok or not. They all have their own insecurities .  Girls don't care about how you look , they care about how you make them feel . Share your good vibe with them.  search for RSD on youtube and take action . 3 weeks ago i set the goal to kiss a girl , wrote it down ... a week later i kissed a good looking girl at a party - okay i drank alcohol ... but whatever i still completed my goal

On 12/26/2017 at 8:32 AM, lmfao said:

addiction

i'm also addicted to masturbation , i do it daily , but it's normal to have these urges , maybe stop watching porn . I also need to quit lol . I'll try nofap for a month in 2018 .

I also used to post long texts like this :))) not to long ago :)) telling my whole life story - all my problems :)) i think that you've got this ! 

MEDITATE  . I did it for 60 days this summer . i'll do it it everyday in 2018  it really helps even if it's frustrating or uncomfortable (really -it's not) sometimes it made me more disciplined . Get out of victim mindset .

I wish you luck  take 100% responsibility for your life and also chill out .  This is also me giving advice for myself  , cause i also need it a lot  :))) maybe more than you . have a nice day 

Fuck my grammar , from Europe .  I need to learn to express myself .

Edited December 28, 2017 by Jonson

[Danielle]

@lmfao The way I see it, your biggest problem isn't the internet, but escape of your problems with stimulation - that's where tv shows, video games and porn come in. I know how it is, I was just like you. You have to dig deep in yourself (maybe journal/introspect) to see what your real isssue is.  Is the fear of being misunderstood? Fear of not being good enough? All that stimulation is just a distraction so you can live through all those characters you watch. And end up hating yourself which leads to depression etc and then the cycle repeats itself. 

The way I dug myself out of this was:

1. Let all your emotions out, allow them to be there, stop repressing them.

2. Forgive yourself for all your flaws or as you put it, deficiencies.

3. Stop judging yourself so harshly, work on accepting yourself. You need a tooon of self love.

When you start loving ,or at least accepting yourself, you won't no longer need to escape anything. You are essentially running away from yourself while being online. Those are internal solutions.

 As for practical: 

 Try self love/ kindness meditation

Don't go online in the morning, at least until noon or set a couple of hours a day without any stimulation. Going cold turkey will be very hard, few people can actually make it work.

And most importantly, when you go back into the cycle of addiction ( you certainly will, don't worry about it ) remind yourself to have some trust in the process and mini growth you've had so far and how amazing it feels to grow just a tiny bit. Behaviors will autocorrect themselves when you gain awareness of how predictable and boring this cycle is and how much more fun is the growth thing which you've glimpsed, even if it was just for a second.

Good luck, I know you can do it! 

 

[jse]

All addictions (alcohol, drugs, sex, food, internet, etc) arise from a fundamental and desperate need to escape from "the ego", escape from ourselves.

The problem occurs when we try and escape from ourselves, as ourselves.  This is not possible.

[Cepzeu]

I can comment on social media and YouTube addiction. 

Recognise that those sites employ very powerful psychological models to keep you hooked. For example when you scroll through your Facebook feed, the thing keeping you hooked is the anticipation for good content not the content itself. Once you hold in your awareness that these companies is are trying to hook you to stay on the sites as long as possible. AND you become aware of it in the moment. Most desires to continue consuming the content ceases. 

This is how I got out of a really severe YouTube addiction. YouTube is a great source of info but the recommended dedicated videos are designed to keep you hooked