I would really love to someone help with this part of my life

[Marks199]

Hi as someones of you know that I am 22 and I was just once with a prostitute because I was drunk and had some problems. And sometimes I wonder if it`s possible to have any experience with anyone having also this anxiety problem with which I live I know I have to stay strong in my life but I spent so much time curring myself from the problems of the past but I am worried that I am not experiencing a lot of relationships and Leo told we should be in a relationship well that it would be good. There are various sexual problems and problems with beliefs. For example, since he said that because I live with my mother I can't have a girl because of my comfort zone. Also since I live isolated when I go out I feel strange I feel people maybe hate me but its different in fact they always become happy when they see me. And sometimes I think its the anxiety that brings visions of me being afraid that someone could touch me because I am always afraid that maybe I could leave a bad experience to the person with which I would lay down and also that someone could humiliate me because of the things  that I`ve passed when I was younger. I would really like to feel what is love and what is to love someone and to be loved but maybe I will never have one should I then start to stop believing in love. And when someone asks me if I had a girl I am afraid of saying no that`s why I am so scared of people as well. You wouldn`t believe it I am really as far as I can see girl stare at me as I am the most beautiful guy they have ever seen really but I am so afraid don`t know so many demons problems and now sex really should I stop searching love??? I even speak 5 languages(Portuguese, Spanish, Croatian, German, English and a bit of Russian) I love to study and work on myself but just don`t know really don`t know should I stop having any hope??? I wash my mouth perfectly but then I ask myself is this worth just really don´t know. As far as you can see I think a lot but don´t know what to really choose.

[Nahm]

@Marks199 choose meditation, twice a day, 30 minutes.   Everything else can wait. None of this is urgent, though I understand it feels like it is. It’s not. Relax. A lot of people spend a lifetime searching for love, never discovering they are it. Your energy has served you well, 5 languages- that’s impressive! Imagine if you hone and harness that energy, with meditation, and begin to imagine the life you want. The past is gone. Gone. Don’t resurrect it anymore. 

❤️

 

[Marks199]

I meditate 22 minutes every day by breathing fastly because otherwise, the ego will get in and it's painful. And I like to meditate like that I feel much more sensitive. I know love is in me but it is hard to develop it, after so much humiliation. I do meditation, visualization, and Indian concentration method, love to play chess as well. Thank you for the support, Nahm.