Family issues: Sister

[OhHiMark]

Bit of a back story, My mother, sister and I had a hard time growing up. Lot's of arguments, fighting and sad times but in a way this made us closer. However my sister who is 33 has never been able to let go of the past, she blames mum for everything. She had a baby last year and moved in with mum even though she knew they can't live together, but in her words "I had no choice". Needless to say mum is forever on edge, my sister will literally have a nervous breakdown from a look to a word said out of place, this is mainly because it always leads to the same place "you raised me like this, it's all your fault".

An important thing to note here is my sister is a child psychologist, she basks in the fact that there's noway she can be wrong because, well, she's a child psychologist which basically makes any argument pointless. It's quite scary knowing that someone is helping a child who physically & mentally harms their own mother..

I was meant to go to their home for xmas today but my mum told me my sister has 'blown up' again, blaming her for everything, won't stay in the same room etc. But will happily use her car for work and her home to live in.

She's being seeing a therapist which obviously isn't working as my sister truly believes everything is everyone else's thought so I'm pretty sure the therapist has 'slightly' altered version of accounts.

Any attempt at speaking with her about these issues would erupt into an argument. also being a 33 year old therapist, she said to my mum today (on xmas) "Can you leave the room while my son opens he's presents, I don't like you." It's almost so absurd that you're lost for words.

Do people like this ever change? Is it made worse by their profession? 

Is there anything you can say or do with people like this or just sit their and take it? Because no matter what my mum say's my sister isn't happy.

Edited December 25, 2017 by OhHiMark

[BobbyLowell]

Yes. People like this do change. It might take a few years but you cannot give up on her. Remember that this is your sister and that we are talking about a child who is going to grow up. This is important. Stay on track. I had an uncle who had an accident . After his accident, he didn't listen to anyone, he was not making any sense, he was drinking and smoking so much. All his friends left, it affected his family life. But even though it took years, he is now making sense, stopped drinking and only smokes a little. We are all so freaking happy for him. It was only possible because of the people that believed in him even when he was acting crazy. Your sister is obviously overwhelmed and this is a big life change. I'm not sure about her abusing her mother that is not ok. So I didn't really consider that in. But good luck. I am rooting for everything to get better

[OhHiMark]

33 minutes ago, BobbyLowell said:

Yes. People like this do change. It might take a few years but you cannot give up on her. Remember that this is your sister and that we are talking about a child who is going to grow up. This is important. Stay on track. I had an uncle who had an accident . After his accident, he didn't listen to anyone, he was not making any sense, he was drinking and smoking so much. All his friends left, it affected his family life. But even though it took years, he is now making sense, stopped drinking and only smokes a little. We are all so freaking happy for him. It was only possible because of the people that believed in him even when he was acting crazy. Your sister is obviously overwhelmed and this is a big life change. I'm not sure about her abusing her mother that is not ok. So I didn't really consider that in. But good luck. I am rooting for everything to get better

Thank you and very motivating to hear about the uncle. The issue with my sister is that there was alway's an excuse, now it's the baby before it was our father before if was the stress of university. The good news is she is seeing a therapist but we just hope that she's telling them the truth otherwise what is the point.

She also said to our mother today "I'm going to ruin everything you've got" and yet come Monday, she'll need our mums car for work and her house to support her and her child.

I do hope she changes as my real concern is for my mums health but she's not planning on moving out anytime soon and I can only see it getting worse.

 

Edited December 25, 2017 by OhHiMark

[BobbyLowell]

@OhHiMark is she okay to nurture and love the child????

[Echoes]

@OhHiMark Your sister is obviously not taking responsibility for her life. Yes, the upbringing may not have been ideal, but everybody is just doing their best given their own programming and upbringing. No matter how bad it was, by blaming her mother she is giving away responsibility and power, taking the position of a victim. It is both damaging herself and her surroundings, and most likely will influence the child to be a similar way. Until someone wakes up out of this programming and takes ownership of his/her own life. 

It's probably not going to be easy for to admit to herself what damage she is causing by this, because the mind doesn't want to take responsibility and admit that there is nothing and nobody to blame other than itself. It's comfortable to blame outer things and other people and stay in the same patterns. It's emotionally painful to stop lying to oneself and to change. But when she sees this, things turn to the better. She needs a good therapist who is brutally honest with her. A bad therapist can actually perpetuate the problem by digging into the story of upbringing and parents forever and ever (Or do the personal development work herself, but doesn't seem that this is a viable option atm) 

maybe show her this video  

 

Edited December 26, 2017 by Echoes

[OhHiMark]

11 hours ago, Echoes said:

@OhHiMark Your sister is obviously not taking responsibility for her life. Yes, the upbringing may not have been ideal, but everybody is just doing their best given their own programming and upbringing. No matter how bad it was, by blaming her mother she is giving away responsibility and power, taking the position of a victim. It is both damaging herself and her surroundings, and most likely will influence the child to be a similar way. Until someone wakes up out of this programming and takes ownership of his/her own life. 

It's probably not going to be easy for to admit to herself what damage she is causing by this, because the mind doesn't want to take responsibility and admit that there is nothing and nobody to blame other than itself. It's comfortable to blame outer things and other people and stay in the same patterns. It's emotionally painful to stop lying to oneself and to change. But when she sees this, things turn to the better. She needs a good therapist who is brutally honest with her. A bad therapist can actually perpetuate the problem by digging into the story of upbringing and parents forever and ever (Or do the personal development work herself, but doesn't seem that this is a viable option atm) 

maybe show her this video  

 

Thanks so much, I don't just want to send it blindly so I may say that the guy in the video is a friend and it helped me once. Otherwise she'll just write it off! However I think there's something underlying with her as over the years I've sent books, quotes, motivational stuff to which she'll say "wow, I never thought of it like that" but she forgets it a minute later before she starts abusing her mum again.

Edited December 26, 2017 by OhHiMark

[OhHiMark]

12 hours ago, BobbyLowell said:

@OhHiMark is she okay to nurture and love the child????

She is but she's very manic which I'm sure the baby picks up on.

[BobbyLowell]

@OhHiMark that's sad. I hope everything turns out okay for the baby.