How to stop revenge-seeking behavior/thoughts?

[hinawashi]

OK, so this is one of the top items on my hit list of behavior and thoughts I need to eliminate from my life.

Every time I think that someone has wronged me, I always feel the need to plot my revenge against them. But then I realized that even if I'm in the right in the first place, if I actually carry through with my revenge, then I'd be committing the greater evil. So this has caused a lot of unnecessary pain and suffering in my life simply because this is such a big internal struggle that goes inside my mind all the time, and also because I have done some really nasty things in the past and now I look back at it, I'm not really the hero but a replacement villain who's even more evil than the villain I thought I was fighting.

So... Any tips on ending this cycle once and for all?

[cirkussmile]

Who says you are right in the first place? 

That's the only question I have for you so you can question more deeply.

The problem is never other people and it is never because of you. What's left is only compassion for others and yourself. 

Practice makes it more understandable. 

Much love

[Spiral]

Here one of my classic topics, good times. 

On 2016-12-06 at 9:09 PM, Spiral said:

How to implement this in your life
If you wish to attain this ability you need learn 3 things

1. Learn to recognize behavior/traits that indicate inner suffering, there are some obvious signs such as drugs, alcohol abuse and criminal activity. But there are also some less obvious signs like: Do they change a lot when they drink, do they play a lot of video games or have similar distractions. Do they have a very sex, sweets or some other pleasure seeking lifestyle. Are they fat, unattractive, lonely, heartbroken.... you name it, the list is endless

2. Learn to mirror the suffering to yours: Did you have a time where you suffered in your life? Did you remember treat people badly at the time and why?

Basically what you need to do is to understand that, they hurt people because they suffer and suffer even more because they hurt others i.e karma. As well as be able to empathize with it. (Empathy comes with age in case you are a teenager/kid and are currently lacking)

3. Allow yourself to forgive them without any conditions. You do not need them to ask for forgiveness or should remorse,  we are the same after all and they simply don't know it yet. If you want some "payback" know that what they did, will hurt them too in the long run.

 

Edited December 26, 2017 by Spiral

[SOUL]

I use some simple visualizations with much success.

A breathing one by breathing out the angst, you may need to visualize the details of the individual pain triggers or you may not and how specific or general is something you can explore and experiment with works for you then breath in a peace, contentment, acceptance and love in whatever visuals suit you.

Whenever these painful ideas and emotions show themselves give your hurt 'ego' this visualization 'hug' and it will dissipate in the immediate then cease to rise up in frequency and intensity as time passes. This is something you can do in the moment they arise or you can sit in contemplative meditation to work with it.

You may not even have to find out the who, what, why. how or source of the pain, for me just releasing it without identifying with it at all is some of the most effective ways to cease it but this is something you will have to examine to find what works for you.

Some use more complex introspection but I use a simple nurturing and comforting like it is a hurt child, it's very effective for me.

Edited December 25, 2017 by SOUL

[Nahm]

@hinawashi choose how you feel over being right.

[krish]

@hinawashi Remember this everytime you are trying to hurt others, you are investing your energy. The more you invest your energy, the more you get depleted. Treat your internal ENERGY like MONEY. You have only certain energy from morning to night and you have to use your energy wisely so that you are very active throughout the day till you hit the bed.  If you get such revengeful emotions, just acknowledge it and say to yourself gently in a calm way that "I am not going to waste my energy on this person/situation etc" and that's it you can let it go..Now that you have analyzed your behavior and asked this question here shows that you have taken the first step and the next step is just to be aware and let it go. It is very simple and you trust yourself you can do it and you will.

 

[hinawashi]

@Spiral That's some really good advice. I realized that I missed Leo's video on karma, so I went and watched it and it was exactly as you said.

Also, Compassion does come at a much later age. I'm not a teenager anymore, but it's this sudden transition that's making it hard for me right now.