Furthering myself

[Krishna Siva]

Hey guys, I'm 17 years old and currently am an high school student.

I spent most of my life wastefully (knowing about it) and finally committed to improving myself.

My journal is gonna be an all-rounder, So I will be posting my thoughts and progress here. 

My goals are to become as unbiased as possible, and understand as much as possible about reality, and everything in it. That would require a lot of discipline though. So I could add discipline to the list too.

[Krishna Siva]

My goals right now, are:

• Building an consistent study habit
• Exercise regularly &
• Meditate daily for 20 minutes

Starting small is extremely important, since you don't want to push yourself too much, which might make homeostasis act on you, for you to backslide. 

My mental goal is to cast off my mental limitation that some things can be done and cannot be done (which affects my real world problem solving issues, and my problem solving in math and science).

I hope this works out well, and an Homeostasis including the above accomplished goals is established.

 

[Krishna Siva]

Woke up really early today, and felt energetic. I meditated for about 20 minutes, and that was really peaceful. 

I attended tuition, and studied a bit. But I mostly wasted a lot of time, which is kind of frustrating. But I hope everything's going to be better.

Plus, I've been noticing for a while that I have 2 faces; one that I put on in front of everyone, one that is extremely energetic, while the other which I hide from others, which is extremely thoughtful (at least when compared to the other). I don't know what is triggering this change. I have to get to the root of this.

 

[Krishna Siva]

I'm consistently meditating for the past 2 days. That's a good sign. 

One thing they I noticed today, is that eating junk food for dinner affects my morning energy. It make me really sluggish and sleepy. 

But still, I'm missing out on my other 2 habits. I know you have to start small, and keep the bar low, but I'm a little ambitious.

[Krishna Siva]

I came across stoicism, and it really fits me. It's quite simple and elegant.

I have been meditation consistently, but not so much. I've only been meditating for 15 minutes a day.

And at last, I can control my impulses a little more than usual. That's really good, at least for me.

[Krishna Siva]

Even though all the other habits are currently failing right now, I've stuck to my meditation habit, which is kind of nice.

Sometimes, I don't realize that I'm part of the mastery curve, and try to quit. But now, that feeling of failure has gone away. 

One more thing is that, If my perception isn't reliable, then how can I tell what I see is true? Then, how can I trust any kind of information in the outer world? Does the outer world even exist? If my perception isn't reality, then the outer world and me didn't exist. That's what I'm coming to ?

Yet another thing is that I've finally stated to use my commonplace book.

[Krishna Siva]

I haven't done much this week except for meditation, and studying.

My meditation habit took a dip, with only 10 mins per day, for 4 days. But as for studying, I could start it a little bit comfortably, and maintain momentum. 

I ran yet again into spiral dynamics. (The last time was 6-7 months ago) .

But now, I am able to realize how important this is, and how much insight this provides about my thought patterns. It also gives me a more clear picture of where I have to develop, which is kind of nice.

Edited January 9, 2018 by Krishna Siva