When your crush is your best-friend.

[Enachescu Dragos]

In a nutshell,I was bullied from first grade to tenth grade.In tenth grade I met this girl Oana.

I liked her secretly from the start, we were best friends for 3 years.After 3 years she broke up whit her boyfriend .I was already doyng actualization work.So I said to myself "Dragos bite te bullet and tell her you like her".I took her to the top of a hill at the sunset, end then I told her.She was mind-fucked ,she  didn't belive me in the first 5 min but after that she put her  hand to my heart and she told me .

Omg you arent lying(my heart I think was beating at 200 bpm).She told me to close my eyes ,she kissed me .After that 3 weeks I was in heaven.After 3 week we broke up ,she told me she had this guy in Normay  and she likes him more that anything.She told me Dragos I love you ,but just as a friend. I dont want to hurt your fellings even more.

Bam I was kaput and I had a history in marijuana abuse.I told to myself "Dont back slide". So I bought Leo's book list and I started readyng. 1 mounth after that I was in a bad mood and I had a fight whit my dad(not a real fight just bad words we said to each other) and I starded to use marijuana again.It was so bad almost 2 mounths every day.Now I have 10 days in rehab .The problem is I have this girl at college and  I like her even more than Oana and as in the past we are fucking best friends.I Dont know what to do guys.I notice that I fall in love just whit my best friends.I dont whant history to repeat again.What shoud I do?(Because I m scared af)

 

 

 

[ajasatya]

@Enachescu Dragos don't create an artificial context. instead, get closer and closer. build trust, then build intimacy. slowly.

you don't even have to say anything. there's no need for those romantic "i like you"/"i love you" moments. those are just fantasy.

a few seconds of silence and deep eye contact is way deeper than any amount of cheesy "i love you" stories.

[Enachescu Dragos]

Thanks for the advice,the thing is I dont know how to built intimacy .If is one thing I know about me is that I like to read books about personal development.I know that a book will not teach me how to built intimacy but I think it helps.I  know, I need a lot of practice.

Edited December 21, 2017 by Enachescu Dragos

[Sine]

Maybe you should take a break from relationships for a while - I had similar problems and thats what I did. After three months of more or less isolation (mentally speaking, since I go to the university almost everyday - but like, no parties, no sex, no starting of new friendships og love-relationships) but just tending to myself and contemplating about the loneliness. I know feel alot more capable of "going out there" and being in relations with other people. Like, a former friend of mine told me that she got used to the thought about her working with some "boring" job she didn't like - she told me she cried a lot, but then felt relief and acceptance. Then a few weeks later she came back to her original dream career but could pursue it with a lot more peace in mind, because she wasn't so afraid of failing - I really thought a lot about that and then I used her method with my relationship problem. I tried to really accept the fact that I would die alone with 7 cats ... I'm not done yet, with accepting it. But I think I won't be ready to commit myself to a serious life-partner, before I have accepted and have become okay and fine and maybe happy with the thought of myself to never marry/find the love of my life ect. Maybe you should move away/go on a longer trip for a while, so you won't see the person you like every day. And then jut like fucking meditate even if the meditation is jut you sitting there crying/thinking of her for 20 minutes - then it's just because you need that. And maybe listen to Matt Kahn or buy his book "Love everything that arises" - The title is cheesy, but I think he's a really good teacher for those of us who are struggling more with the emotions and the control of them. 

[Shin]

1 hour ago, Sine said:

Maybe you should take a break from relationships for a while - I had similar problems and thats what I did. After three months of more or less isolation (mentally speaking, since I go to the university almost everyday - but like, no parties, no sex, no starting of new friendships og love-relationships) but just tending to myself and contemplating about the loneliness. I know feel alot more capable of "going out there" and being in relations with other people. Like, a former friend of mine told me that she got used to the thought about her working with some "boring" job she didn't like - she told me she cried a lot, but then felt relief and acceptance. Then a few weeks later she came back to her original dream career but could pursue it with a lot more peace in mind, because she wasn't so afraid of failing - I really thought a lot about that and then I used her method with my relationship problem. I tried to really accept the fact that I would die alone with 7 cats ... I'm not done yet, with accepting it. But I think I won't be ready to commit myself to a serious life-partner, before I have accepted and have become okay and fine and maybe happy with the thought of myself to never marry/find the love of my life ect. Maybe you should move away/go on a longer trip for a while, so you won't see the person you like every day. And then jut like fucking meditate even if the meditation is jut you sitting there crying/thinking of her for 20 minutes - then it's just because you need that. And maybe listen to Matt Kahn or buy his book "Love everything that arises" - The title is cheesy, but I think he's a really good teacher for those of us who are struggling more with the emotions and the control of them. 

God damn, does your "enter" button is broken or what ? 

[Spiral]

I have a slightly similar problem, we do stuff sometimes on her terms. I would prefer more often but what can you do right.

Now as per how to get somewhere alcohol and movie nights have been the way most people deals with this problem, but if she was zero interest that probably wouldn't work either.

[aurum]

@Enachescu Dragos

You've got to make your intentions more clear from the start. It's good that you pushed through the fear and told her you liked her, but that's not a good strategy overall for how you want to approach your dating life.

Honestly it sounds like you may have to sort some stuff out yourself before you really start attempting to get better with women. If you don't meditate already, I'd start for about 5 minutes a day.

[LiakosN]

@ajasatya Man I love you! Your words resonate with my heart!

[Enachescu Dragos]

@Sine I really dind t have any serious relationship until now ,the problem is way deeper.

I bought Leo s ultimate life purpose course 1 year ago(I did almost 70 % of the course).The book list 4 mounths ago.Then 2 mounths ago I found out about enlightenment ,and this hit me hard like very hard.My dream was to be a movie director.Right now I study Cinematography,but when I found out about enlightenment my dream went to the  trash cam.It really fuked me over man.Right now I dont even now what I em because I wached all the videos leo put on about  enlightenment .I read books about enlightenment and my mind misinterpreted the information I think .2 days ago I was walking and I didnt know what is real or not.Because the truth of "enlightenment" means that you see that this thing you call you is fake and it does not exist.

I think I have a short circuit in my brain.This "enlightenment" stuff is hard wired in my brain right now .At it says "Nothing matters,all of this( my dream) is a distraction.And my motivation disappeared over night.I dont blame Leo,

if I had not bought the  course sure I was committing suicide until now.I dont know what to think guys, leo says in his videos about enlightenment that relationships are a distraction but Peter Ralston who is enlighted is married.And I stress this thing with relationships so much because tits the last thing that makes me fell alive and not to go crazy and kill miself.I really dont know what to do guys.If I went to the psychologist right now he will think that I em crazy.

 

[Sine]

16 hours ago, Enachescu Dragos said:

@Sine I really dind t have any serious relationship until now ,the problem is way deeper.

I bought Leo s ultimate life purpose course 1 year ago(I did almost 70 % of the course).The book list 4 mounths ago.Then 2 mounths ago I found out about enlightenment ,and this hit me hard like very hard.My dream was to be a movie director.Right now I study Cinematography,but when I found out about enlightenment my dream went to the  trash cam.It really fuked me over man.Right now I dont even now what I em because I wached all the videos leo put on about  enlightenment .I read books about enlightenment and my mind misinterpreted the information I think .2 days ago I was walking and I didnt know what is real or not.Because the truth of "enlightenment" means that you see that this thing you call you is fake and it does not exist.

I think I have a short circuit in my brain.This "enlightenment" stuff is hard wired in my brain right now .At it says "Nothing matters,all of this( my dream) is a distraction.And my motivation disappeared over night.I dont blame Leo,

if I had not bought the  course sure I was committing suicide until now.I dont know what to think guys, leo says in his videos about enlightenment that relationships are a distraction but Peter Ralston who is enlighted is married.And I stress this thing with relationships so much because tits the last thing that makes me fell alive and not to go crazy and kill miself.I really dont know what to do guys.If I went to the psychologist right now he will think that I em crazy.

 

Oh I see.. In some of his videos Leo talks about the different about just knowing and understanding what he tells us, and what you can read in books about enlightment and stuff - and then fully understanding it/experience which probably takes a long time..

Sometimes I can feel like i’m going insane and that experience/these thoughts you had while walking - I know that feeling so well. Thoughts like that really makes me scared/depressed or even once in a while krads me to suicidal thoughts. I think it has something to do with the brain trying to make reason of all these new understandings. But the thing is that ”god” isnt something you can figure out and understand. It is an experience.

Also the thing you talk about with you career. I can totally understand that. Some of my life goals also became meaningless when I started this and I started asking questions and Why do this even matter to me when everything is just.... But. That is also the amazing part. In someways life is a playground. Also. I don’t think a psychologist would think you are crazy. Sometimes you are lucky to find a good one and it can be an amazing tool in your way to develop yourself and find peace.

[Enachescu Dragos]

@SineThx for help man!