I’m a Victim to Myself

[kieranperez]

Alright. Often times we tend to talk about how what makes a Victim is that they believe that outer circumstances are holding them back... BUT... What I’m noticing for me is that I just downright feel like I’m a Victim to myself. I feel like I’m a victim in that I am my only obstacle however, I the obstacle still feel like this is insurmountable. I simply feel stuck because I can’t conquer myself. I feel like such a slave to my own unconsciousness, negative habits, my inability to take action, my consistent negative thoughts, etc. I just feel like I’m a victim to my own sense of self.. I really don’t know what and I’m just driving myself insane. I feel so fucking stuck in my head and in my own way. I still have a meditation habit too...  

[jjer94]

Have you ever tried yoga before?

If you start a daily yoga habit alongside your meditation, within a month you will feel viscerally different, guaranteed. You may find that the "trapped" mentality loses its hold when you learn to re-connect with the body and start releasing all of the unconscious stuck tensions. 

Sometimes, actively seeking verbal advice/validation from others is a defense mechanism and only digs you deeper into despair. Your body knows better. Coming from someone who made fun of yoga until two months ago, it's definitely worth a try!

I understand it's a struggle, but I wish you all the best.

[Echoes]

@kieranperez On what parameters do you conclude that you haven't conquered yourself? Negative habits, inability to take action seem to point towards the conclusion that you are not satisfied with your current circumstance. Otherwise, what is a positive habit? What is the action going to get you? 

In some ways the description of suffering IS the suffering. For example, the sentence "being a slave to my own unconsciousness" generates mental imagery and feelings of weakness, powerlessness, victimhood. Which then makes you act in certain ways that confirm your story. Be careful what stories you tell yourself. The metaphors used to describe suffering often are the suffering.

Ask yourself: What do I want in life? In this way you can identify the specific beliefs you have that hold you back from the things you want.

If you dont know what you want, you keep stumbling in the dark forever. Analyzing yourself, "healing" yourself, purifying yourself endlessly. Finding one thing after another to infinity. It's necessary to a certain amount, but you have to know what you want ultimately. Otherwise it becomes a trap: "If I have fully healed and conquered myself, I go out to the world and get what I want and be content and happy ever after" 

[haai14]

@jjer94 can you recomend any yoga videos

 

 

[jjer94]

@haai14 I'm currently using these beginner hatha yoga courses: https://www.udemy.com/seane-corn/learn/v4/overview https://www.udemy.com/mystic-flow-by-seane-corn/learn/v4/overview She is wonderful.

udemy goes on sale a lot, so be sure to wait before you buy full price.

[haai14]

@jjer94 thank you

[jjer94]

54 minutes ago, Okaythen said:

The way you put it, exemplifies the subtle self-defeating process of asking for help, with the hidden intention of proving to yourself of just how helpless you are, even after receiving those help.

You said it better than I did! 

• "I need help in order to accomplish _______ because I want ________ and feel capable of getting it" 

Versus

• "I need help in order to fix _______ because I don't know what I want, I don't feel capable of making my own decisions, and I would rather be rescued and/or told what to do"

[Random User]

@Okaythen @jjer94  

Cheers guys I didn't look at it like that before. I'm always feeling sorry for myself to try and get someone to come and save me it's so clear now! No wonder I just get worse and worse. 

[kieranperez]

@jjer94 Hold on I'm really confused... Why is yoga related to this? That seems like a totally different tangent from my topic. I'm curious as to why you bring that up.

[jjer94]

@kieranperez It seems like a tangent, but it really isn't. 

If you believe that mind, body, and spirit are intimately connected (they are), then you sure as heck can manipulate your thoughts by manipulating your body. The easiest example is to compare how you feel before and after physical exercise.

But hatha yoga is different because it's integral - including body, mind, and spirit:

• Body: The poses strengthen your muscles and bring you back into your body. More importantly, they help release unconciously held tensions in your body that are associated with different emotions...that are associated with different limiting beliefs in your mind. 
• Mind: The practice is meditative, requiring you to focus on your breath. Hatha yoga uses a special breathing technique that helps bring prana to all areas of the body. After a practice, you will feel it flowing through all of your limbs. I call it "happy energy" because of how good it feels.
• Spirit: You set a prayer/intention before every practice, which actively changes your outlook on and off the mat.

I can almost guarantee that after doing daily hatha yoga for a month straight, you will look back on your post here and laugh with curiosity.

Edited December 20, 2017 by jjer94

[kieranperez]

My question still stands. Like, why Hatha Yoga? I’m a runner and have been for the last 10 years. I run between 50-90 miles per week (depends at what stage in training I’m at). I’ve been an athlete quite literally ALL my life. So the mind body connection isn’t foreign to me. Endurance Running is what we as a species what sets us apart from all other species from a basic survival and physiological standpoint. Granted, 99.9999999% of people don’t have a clue how to run properly.

So again, why is this specific type of yoga significant? I’ve been an athlete all my life and have had borderline spiritual experiences in my running alone. I train every day and strength train 3 times per week. I agree in the mind body connection. I’m just confused on why there’s so much emphasis on this type of yoga. 

[ajasatya]

@kieranperez yoga is not about being athletic.

yoga was designed to reach deep enough to release your blocked emotions. it's a healing tool.

you want explanations before you actually try it out. go and have your first hand experience.

[h inandout]

Hatha just means yoga of the body.  There is also Gnani (yoga of wisdom). And Bhakti (yoga of higher devotion).  And Raja (yoga of the mind).  Yoga helps you find spaciousness and joy and love and multidimensionality within your body.  It doesn't ask you to overcome all odds.  Yes, you can use it to challenge yourself, but that's not the point.  I run myself, and I can tell you that my conciousness becomes very inspired, but also very rigid in a forward pushing motion when I run, just like my very rigidly inflexible hips   When I do yoga, there are a variety of other mental states that arise.  When I'm on the floor, I can acknowledge and accept each rising emotion and thought, perhaps even sit with it for a moment, and then move on to the next assana, which will probably bring about a different sensation.  I prefer ecstatic dance yoga, personally, because it facilitates my embodiment of alternative states of mind much faster.

I suspect you literally ARE too hard on yourself.  Keep going!  The only way you are gonna reach that next level is by doing the work you know you need to do.  And  also maybe try some gentler meditation techniques to invite and receive some fresh perspective for the meantime.  Be your own mommy!  You are now old enough to embody both the sacred feminine and masculine.  Hold yourself sweetly, as you let go of your attachment to old patterns.  

I know this sounds crazy, but I was raised with and older brother, so I learned to be more masculine in my attitude towards myself, which I actually think is the source of many of my self-limiting beliefs.  It took a lot of suffering before I realized that underneath it all, this whole time, I've been telling myself that nobody loves me, which just isn't true, I've just been programed by a brother who was always rightfully annoyed with me.  I don't know your story, but there's mine.

[kieranperez]

2 hours ago, Okaythen said:

P.S. The way you describe your endurance running sessions, made me feel energetic just imagining it! I mean, it must've been a blast having those super long sessions, feeling like you can go on forever if you really want to! (aside from all the aching and sores, which at times are completely buried under the euphoria) I'm not that avid of a runner myself, but that feeling can be quite addicting, right? I mean in a good way of course. I just wanna say, thank you for sharing your experiences running, because I've started a cycling habit and I'm filled with determination from hearing your story!

Very happy to have read this  Yeah I’m talking from an athletic standpoint but what does that even mean really? That’s just a label in my mind. Running is the most physiological natural thing a human being can do. That’s just an evolutionary fact. I also live in probably the best place in the USA to be a runner (SF Bay Area, Marin County... look up pictures). @Okaythen I’m not gonna egg you on to get into because I think finding a sport that fits you is where the fun is. Which is part of why I’m asking about this whole Hatha Yoga thing. Sports, or whatever label you attach to it (i include yoga in it) can and does tend to draw a fuckin lot of ego out of a person. However, those who are mature see what’s truly deep about pushing yourself physically in whatever endeavor it may be. 

Endurance sports/events are amazing, especially competing (whether be against others or yourself), because it’s just you. Much like spirtitual work. Hell, look up Timothy Olson on YouTube as well as Kilian Jornet and Scott Jurek. What’s also great about endurance sports, especially running, is that it is such an amazing and healthy way to get you in touch with both yourself and simply with just Being.

[The black sheep]

@kieranperez

you are in war with the “Ego”, your ego just is too strong. You are currently in a mental prison with sand reaching up to your waist. there are two keys, one is in ego’s pocket and one is somewhere in that prison underneath the sand. You have to dig deeper, you are spiritual as I can read from your text. What I am about to say is only of use if you have been spiritual without obstacles and suddenly all this that you have been talking about, happened. If so, you’ve made a sudden turn somewhere and dropped your key. Try to recall where this movement happened. Where in your life did something happen which started this chainreaction of obstacles? If you can’t find the problem, you can’t find the answer. 

 

Here are a few things things that might be the case. DO NOT underestimate this.:

 • Food: do you eat healthy? 

 - If not, for gods sake start eating healthy, you have no idea what these hungry societies feed you to fill their plates. 

 • do you use drugs? 

 - If so, now I won’t say quit obviously because we all know that dark side or at least I do. Well, I’m not sure if I am allowed to say this on the forums but I will indirectly. Visit shaman(s) in Peru, and let them guide you through All your obstacles and problems even those that block you from being free which are long-forgotten.

 • who do you hang out with?

 - Negative people? There is your problem and difficult or not you have to be brave to choose the right environment. Even though you choose not to listen to them, there is a part of our brain that reflects our environment through ourselves. For example, when you’ve a new friend for a while and he has a word that he always uses and when he is or is not around, you notice yourself using that exact same word suddenly. 

”one bad apple spoils the whole barrel”

 • even though you meditate, do you have time alone? At home or do you visit a park sometimes? Or do you always have atleast one person around you at home? This might be your problem. It is so important to be alone sometimes. Especially in nature, go out on your bare feet and ground yourself.

“Don’t look at the park but SEE the park.” “Don’t focus on your breath but BE your breath”

• are you pursuing a succesful business life? Or just trying to earn a bit more? Are you in love with someone? Are you chasing something else aside your spiritual path?

-If this is the case, then I have to tell you something you don’t..., excuse me, your EGO doesn’t like. Listen carefully! You need to focus on your meditation first. Drop everything else just for now. Because in this state of mentality you are not strong enough to achieve multiple goals at once. First set your spiritual path as your main priority and fix everything about your self. Find the ego’s weak spot and break through it. When you have mastered your self and by yourself I mean mind, spirit, soul. Watch the watcher as “Eckhart Tolle” said. After this you can focus on the next big priority and so on. And I promise you that you WILL get better results. 

 

If you have money, travel to spiritual places or to places where guru’s are or atleast alot of people that are spiritual and are well acknowledged to serve you and believe me they would LOVE to help you, I do aswel due to the fact that im typing for a moment now. 

Now, I could go on for hours like this but I think I’ve made my point and if I haven’t I’d be glad to inform you more. Just ask me a specific question. I don’t promise the answer but I promise progress. 

By the way, by I, I mean the soul.

Universal Love and wish you the best with your Ego. 

[Phill]

On 12/19/2017 at 7:02 PM, jjer94 said:

Have you ever tried yoga before?

If you start a daily yoga habit alongside your meditation, within a month you will feel viscerally different, guaranteed. You may find that the "trapped" mentality loses its hold when you learn to re-connect with the body and start releasing all of the unconscious stuck tensions. 

Sometimes, actively seeking verbal advice/validation from others is a defense mechanism and only digs you deeper into despair. Your body knows better. Coming from someone who made fun of yoga until two months ago, it's definitely worth a try!

I understand it's a struggle, but I wish you all the best.

Hey @jjer94 can you elaborate this:

"Sometimes, actively seeking verbal advice/validation from others is a defense mechanism and only digs you deeper into despair." ?

Thank you!

[jjer94]

@Phill