This is MY JOURNAL OF MY EPIc LIFE

[BobbyLowell]

Hi, this is my journal and it's going to show you how freaking epic I am and always have been. 

I started self actual using last year in may. In may, I was completely alone at school, I kept trying to string together the "right words" in every conversation I had to try to be liked. I did this for a whole year, not even knowing that I could just say what naturally came to my head and that would be the best thing to say. The most real and authentic and natural thing. I was a junior in high school last year. The thing is SHIT went doWN my sophomore year in high school. But my problems are small don't freaking get me wrong. I thought I had a "hard shell that was hard to penetrate and that others had to go through this wall to get to the real me. I felt stuck, I couldn't be me, I jet expressing myself wrongly. I had three close friends my sophomore year, one that was with me my junior yr through what went wrong, another that kind of was. I was bullied my sophomore year. Two girls looked at me like I was absolutely nothing every day for like three months. They would leave me alone for like 40 mins at my lunch table one would scream code red when I sat down who used to be my close friend. When ever I said something, it was ignored. I said it louder, I needed to be recognized for existing but I was not acknowledged no matter what. But this is was when I got my own sense of self worth. This is when a voice in my head started screaming, signaling that this was wrong and that I deserved better. That I was lovable no matter what. That I had worth. That I deserved to be appreciated. That I deserve nothing but amazing things no matter what I ever did or acted like. From this moment on, I would know my worth no matter what. No matter what, nobody could ever take my worth away from me. No matter how many times somebody knocked me down, I would keep getting back up and up and up and up no matter what happened. I would persist through any difficultyz it was this time that I realized my INFINITE INBER STRENGTH. No one at school liked me. Almost everything I got was negative cues but I stood my ground. I didn't judge those who hurt me as unlovabl or think of them as any less than I was because of what they did. I did my best to not let whatever pain I was in into me, some got in, but I dug my fucking way out of it. I was falling asleep all the time, I had no energy, I couldn't run because of medical issues which was my way of dealing with stress. I probably talked to people a total of 20 mins max a day I was medically diagnosed with provably stress I couldn't walk 5 ft without falling.My junior year I was so fucking lonely and empty and bleh and I started to solidly love myself. Like this was when I started to be able to say I loved myself and truly meant it. Even if I loved myself before I didn't take it seriously. June I found one if Leo's videos by accident then I sttted to not care what others though of me, started to live more authentically and that brought me to the happy person confident positive person I am today