For the longest time now I've been thinking about starting a journal to document my SDS journey. Now I feel like I've gotten to the point where it's necessary to shed some light on all repetative circles one goes through during this whole purification thing.  Some basic info about me: 19 years old Student of English and sociology Been meditating for 1,5 year - SDS combined with self inquiry- minimum 40 min a day Along side meditation, also have a concentration and contemplation habit Never used a psychedelic Realizations I've had so far: I don't exist I'm not a human being  Space doesn't exist  External reality doesn't exist All suffering is a product of resistence Suffering is made up and illusory I am already dead Things I've noticed repeating througout my practice: Insomnia Bursts of anger existential crisis Crying non stop for days Sensitivity to everything Moments of deep gratitude Moments of awe and love Doubt in this whole thing Questioning everything I know, feeling confused and lost Moments of forgiveness Feeling blank and numb Feeling suicidal/ homicidal Massive mood swings Laughing at random moments Moments of bliss and peace Revisting past trauma Laying on the floor screaming Feeling exhausted for no apparent reason Feeling energetic- dancing around or jumping all over the place Feeling lonely Feeling misunderstood Feeling disconnected from everything Losing interest in things I used to love Feeling stuck Feeling hopeless Feeling nostalgic Feeling 'high on life' Feeling overwhelming compassion for people  Losing desire to find out the truth Being nihilistic Feeling motivated Feeling doubtful/ skeptical Feeling blessed Feeling cursed Feeling insane I will write insights whenever they come to me. Hopefully they will benefit all of you who are going through this pathless path