Neurosis to make my day productive/meaningful

[Max_V]

Lately I’ve been feeling this neurosis coming up inside of me that I always have to be doing something meaningful or that has great impact. 

At the end of the day there is always that subtle evaluation if I did good enough. If I did not waste day of my life. Every day gone by without working as hard as I can on myself or a project feels like a failure. It feels like I have to make every day count because I will only have 70/80 years more to live and then it’s over. I want to die fulfilled and happy.

How do I release this neurotic belief? 

[Shroomdoctor]

@Max_V I have the same issue. But lately I come more and more to the realization that I can only live a happy and productive life if I am at the same time happy. And that means not beating yourself up and going more with the flow, not pushing yourself beyond your limits, because that leads to failure. 

For example, I have quite a few issues I want to work on at the moment: My current new job, Reading and Learning about Self Actualization, making Music, Meditation and getting into Pickup being on the top of that priorities list. But I also realized that I simply cannot do all of that at once well without going overboard. So for now, I've got my meditation Habit, and i will heavily concentrate on my new job and music. I will start studying psychology around September, which means there will be another big change and obstacle/opportunity waiting. 

So when I have time and energy to read a book, I will do it. If not, i will not force myself, because that will only bring me and my work down. Also I have postponed the pickup thing to when things are more stable. And I feel okay about that, because even if I only have like 50 years left to live, I know I can accomplish lots and lots if I keep going, but I want to enjoy he process. And if, at the moment, playing an hour of video games still brings me joy and I don't do it all day, not doing any self actualization work, I will let myself do it. If I one day realize that its a massive waste of time and I have other things I want to do, I am okay and happy with that too.

That is how i try to approach this issue atm.

 

[Faceless]

This reminds me of the rather common reaction to fear. What I should be according to my self image and ideas that that image holds as significant. Also it seems opposite of the way one would feel knowing there time is limited. I would think that this realization of the limitation of time would make you want to just enjoy life without any conflict. To just enjoy not necessaraliy having got do something at all. Just simply being. Action in a spontaneous way would still be applicable in this state being. 

When I read about this attempt to cram as much as you can in your limited time frame of life what comes to my mind is immortality. 

1# Inquire into immortality. What is it? Why do we/you strive for it? If you think you do of course.   

2# What is death and it’s meaning. Look at death as in the death of the “you” psychologically. Ask your self when I die what does the majority of my fear come from? Is it my physical death? Fear of the unknown after death? Fear of the known coming to an end “the me and all its content being memories, achievements, relationships, material assets” ending? 

These are questions that I instantly thought of when I read your post. I don’t know if these questions will help you in this case but I do think they should be approached either way. 

 

To live now demands the the art of dying. Psychologically of course lol 

Edited December 15, 2017 by Faceless

[Max_V]

@Faceless Very significant points. 

I will go and inquire into my fear of death

Thank you!

[Faceless]

Thank you for being interested in yourself. 

Thank insight and perception through the art of inquiry. 

We are responsible for one another??

[YaNanNallari]

This is sort of the end goal answer as I see it. Watch Leo's full circle video if you haven't. Next go full circle on this. There's always something to do. See, always something to do and always ways to do better. On the other hand failure is subjective and there's nothing we absolutely have to do. You don't really even know what's going to end up being good for you beforehand.

If you worry too much, you'll end up more and more miserable. Then you might be doing your job in an ok manner, but you'll never reach anything great. Instead you want to just focus on what you're doing and have some more positive ways of thinking. "If you're tired of starting over, stop giving up". But also question who is to blame if things go wrong. Love yourself. 

When you see that you don't absolutely have to do anything, you can still find joy, curiosity and love left. Now you may ask, if nothing matters, why do anything? But that is just more worrying. It is not going far enough on the end of nothing matters in this circle. Now obviously it is hard and takes a lot of commitment and maybe understanding of your mind to be able to be positively motivated to do things, and you will have plenty of disturbing doubts you can thankfully let be and go. You will have to find a way to reach understanding of these topics, meditate and eventually get to a slowly more and more positive motivation.

Overall to help with this I'd recommend gaining more understanding from books and Leo's videos, because battling this issue alone against your mind is very difficult.

[Faceless]

You are your own book. 

Dont ever accept an authority when it comes to your inward journey. People may point you in a direction but don’t rely on them. 

Be your own light? 

 

This is responsiblity 

Edited December 16, 2017 by Faceless

[Sir Raz]

On 15.12.2017 at 5:03 PM, Shroomdoctor said:

I can only live a happy and productive life if I am at the same happy.

Yoooooo!!!? I REALLY FORGOT THAT!! Thanks for this ^^ ... having the same issue here.