My life with women

[Ross]

I finally decided to be honest about this and I have decided to say that I just suck with women. In my last two years of school I was bullied and never talked to or even texted to a single girl  due to my anxiety. Then when I hit college I really tried to come out of my shell but it failed badly I just get abnormally anxious around them and it’s so painful to socialise. I am now currently doing 3rd year Engineering which means I am always going to be studying and never going out and I hate it. I really want to get  over this problem and I don’t know how. How do my friends get all the attention and pussy and I barely get any. I feel like I’ll be a loser forever.

[Shroomdoctor]

@Ross I recommend to study James Marshall  I know the feels. though. But you have to consider: you can learn anything if you put your mind to it. 

[Spiral]

I got laid my first few times was via online "dating" websites. Sure it took a few months and for me and it was like 100% luck the first time. Some horny girl wanted some d and I guess I was good enough.

Edited December 15, 2017 by Spiral

[Matteo]

Hi @Ross. If you get anxious around girls, you may have a belief that says that something bad is going to happen to you if they rejects you. You may not think so, but your body behaves accordingly to that belief; you get the feeling of anxiety as if you are going to be in physical danger. Eventually, if you get rejected enough times and nothing bad happens to you, your body will register that and anxiety will be significantly diminished.

Also, there might be a self-esteem issue. You may believe that your friends are winners and you are a looser compared to them. When you choose to believe that, you see yourself that way. Then, you behave like someone who sees himself as a looser, and girls probably don't like that.

You are not a looser, unless you believe so. You are capable of interacting with girl and having success, if you don't let your beliefs limit you and consciously change the way you see yourself.

If you measure yourself and other people by how successful with women they are, and you hold that discrimination too seriously and tightly, you are fighting yourself, because you don't allow yourself to make mistakes because they are too dangerous for your self image. You need those mistakes to learn how to interact in a respectful and enjoyable way.

I used to be very focused on having success with women. As soon as I got some, I realized how much being good with women proves nothing. It only counts if you think "you have to be good with women", and it doesn't if you don't. You don't have interact with them, but you can do that if you want, if you enjoy it.

Good luck!

[smd]

@Ross When you enter the workforce, you'll STILL not have any time to get pussy!  You'll probably end up in a sweat shop, busting your ass 50-60 hours a week & doing weekend work as well.  Next thing you know 10 years have passed & you won't have figured this problem out.

So you might as well try to start dating. Anybody. Even the ugly girls.  You don't have any ugly girls coming on to you at all?  There's usually a few that will initiate action.

Have you tried setting up a Tender account?  You just need to get on the date & improvise on the fly.  Don't read anything & just learn as you go.  Make the mistakes, fail & try again.  Check out the books when you have the spare time (which you currently don't).  I think if you read too many books on the subject as a beginner, you'll suffer from paralysis of analysis.  

It's better in hindsight after you've experienced failure.  The main issue for dating is neediness.  Just don't be needy & the rest should follow suit.  If you don't know what needy is, google it.  It's funny because I didn't even know what the hell "needy" was until 6 years ago.  And it turns out to be one of the ugliest words when my friend told me I was being needy when I told him about a gal I was chasing.  I had to go look it up & find out what a curse needy behavior is.

Any gal that you can talk to anywhere, if she's friendly, ask for her phone number.  It really is as simple as that.

[YaNanNallari]

You can try socializing later. Work on yourself and you'll automatically become pretty good at it. Anyway for now you can focus on just observing conversations and seeing what they're about. Don't take them so seriously, it is more intuitive than you think. You can always read books about it, maybe from Leo's booklist.

By the way, do you really even want girls that much? Or is it something your friends just really like, but you seem to lack the motivation for it. Maybe that isn't the way destined for you, pick up is considered a bit superficial anyway.

As a quicker thing lastly, what do you get anxious about? You'll notice the answers being thoughts and a feeling. They are ideas you've learned and emotions you've learned to react to in certain ways. Now do ideas reflect what's actually true? Well, obviously not and most of our fears won't come true anyway. And even if things go wrong, that might not be so bad either. You might learn a lesson or two. Try to enjoy yourself a bit with socializing. Like just chill man, even if you can't chill, at least enjoy a bit. The things blocking you from those are just ideas not to be taken too seriously.

[aurum]

@Ross

You've got a long road ahead of you man. But it seems like you're open to changing, so I'll leave this here:

 

General gist is this is gonna take a lot of work. You're going to have to find ways to practice socializing, improve your inner confidence and much more. But it can be done.

If going out and socializing is too hard right now, you might have to take a step back and just work on you for a while.

Start a meditation habit. Study what women are attracted to. Get some exercise into your daily routine. And then build from there.

[Nahm]

@Ross choose your thoughts. Choose wanted. 

[smd]

@aurum There should also be a disclaimer that Owen is a weekend dad & is probably miserable most of the time...lol.  I can't imagine anyone suffering more than he is, but he uses smoke & mirrors to disguise it to look like the best life anyone can have.

[Nahm]

@K VIL you’re hilarious.

[aurum]

@smd

Is that actually what you believe?

Not being sarcastic.

[supremeyingyang]

On 12/15/2017 at 1:58 AM, Ross said:

I finally decided to be honest about this and I have decided to say that I just suck with women. In my last two years of school I was bullied and never talked to or even texted to a single girl  due to my anxiety. Then when I hit college I really tried to come out of my shell but it failed badly I just get abnormally anxious around them and it’s so painful to socialise. I am now currently doing 3rd year Engineering which means I am always going to be studying and never going out and I hate it. I really want to get  over this problem and I don’t know how. How do my friends get all the attention and pussy and I barely get any. I feel like I’ll be a loser forever.

I have literally TONS of Material that you can study on that topics, bcause that were sticking points of mine. Your first task, if you want to do something, is:

Create Free Time - and let it free for actualization (meditation, reading, socializing) - every day some hours. Don't panik you'll be more efficient in you job as well if you give yourself time to breath.

Then come back and I'll give you that list.

[Angelo John Gage]

You're supposed to get a kind-of anxiety when you are attracted or like a woman; that is an indication that you desire her. How would you know if you liked her or not, valued her or not, if you didn't get some kind of anxiety or emotional response form your body to let you know? It will never go away; nor is it supposed to, that is why you must act regardless of these emotions.

I doubt anyone who is about to skydive out of a plane has removed that feeling of anxiety before they do; the only difference between a novice and an experienced skydiver is that they simply embraced the emotion and know the "rush" will be positive. 

Embrace this "anxiety" you're feeling and know that it is simply an indicator that you are interested. At some level, you want to socialize, you value this idea and thus the fear of being rejected causes you to fell anxiety. 

A quick way to by-pass this is act immediately before your ego has the time to talk you out of it with fear-based thoughts. So feel the emotion, and act within three seconds. In other words, instead of sitting at the door of the plane talking to yourself about jumping... just fucking jump!

Know this: Rejection is not personal; and the more you get rejected, the better you will be at rebuttals, which are actually what get women and help you deal with challenges in life. You see, women test men; they must, the cannot just accept all approaches every day; they have to weed out those who do not know how to play the game and past their tests. 

So go practice; go jump out of your comfort zone a couple times; you will not die ( although the ego is trying to tell you that you will.) The worst that can happen is rejection, which should be seen as a lesson in how to sharpen your communication skills, come up with rebuttals, and adjust your strategies. 

You only believe you're a loser because you didn't get as much pussy as you want. This means that you measure a man's value on how much pussy he has gotten or not. I used to think the same when I started with women. I used to suck too; I learned and read anything I could get my hands on and applied it...then I got so much pussy until I realized that any dog could go out and have sex and such actions do not measure my value as a person or man for that matter. Because then you must ask yourself: How much pussy makes you a winner? 3 women, 30 women, 3000 women? Is the man whose been with 3000 women more of a winner than 30 women? Look at Charlie Sheen, a total disaster and mess, whose been apparently with 5000 women: do anyone of us here really think he's a winner? No. He's a fucking mess.

If I were you, I would practice just going up to a woman and saying "Hi" or "Hello, how's it going?" or something like that and walk away. The walking away part is to practice not being obsessed with every outcome and to give you the ability to terminate the interaction on your terms. Yes, its a way to avoid rejection, but that is not what you need to focus on right now because your problem is approaching in the first place. Do that a few times to get used to it. Do it to not just hot women, but women you dont' even find attractive. You'll notice you may not have any anxiety at all with women you don't have any attraction to. Talk to men in the same manner. 

Eventually, after you do this, someone will throw back " how are you doing" and maybe even spark a conversation. 

So your homework is go up to 10 strangers without any desire to get laid or anything, ask how they are doing or some other question, get your answer, and then walk away. That is your homework. Come back when you're done.

 

 

 

[smd]

@aurum I think so.  These women all leave him, don't they?  Although I haven't tracked his latest conquests or see if he ever settled down.  He needs tons of money to finance his female habits.