What Would You Do If Someone Spit In Your Face? Practice Compassion Or Beat The *ck Out Of Them?

[asgard94]

I have asked this question to so called "Enlightened" people numerous times. I got answers such as "I will be compassionate and walk away, chanting 'gate gate paragate parasamgate bodhi svaha' ". But does anyone ever think about the psychological consequences of such events? Does it occur to you that maybe such an approach to life will allow people to walk over you and will leave you with countless psychological traumas? Even if you try to act from the perspective of your 'higher self', this still does not change the fact that a psychological damage has been done to you. You may keep denying that, but every neurologist/psychologist can confirm that the damage is being done. Suppressing your anger at such times is not healthy for your psychological health. So I say we should kick some teeth in, if someone spits in your face. Besides, if you let someone do this to you and walk away, how will you ever have any confidence in other aspects of your life? How will you ever be confident in relationships? What do you think about it? and also please write down, what would you do in such a case.

[FindingPeace]

1 hour ago, asgard94 said:

this still does not change the fact that a psychological damage has been done to you.

What kind of psychological damage?

1 hour ago, asgard94 said:

Suppressing your anger at such times is not healthy

The question to ask here is not about suppressing anger but why you need to be angry in the first place?

So someone insults me, weather it's verbally or by spitting at me. That's slightly different to someone hitting or injuring me. In fact in the latter I would try to remove myself from the situation as quickly as possible. But as for insults.. so what? I guess it depends if it's someone you will see again or not. Whether they are a factor in your daily life.

In any case I wouldn't be retaliating with physical violence. That makes you no better than them. If you feel the need to be angry and defensive then they've obviously touched something sensitive within you. There is something within you, something you believe, that they have drawn attention to.

There's a good saying "Nobody can make you feel bad without your permission". If you were a secure, self-assure person then noone can offend you. You wouldn't be getting angry and defensive. Beating the shit out of people because they offend you is a red flag that some inner work needs doing.

 

1 hour ago, asgard94 said:

maybe such an approach to life will allow people to walk over you

People will only walk over you if you let them. People saying and doing things isn't the same as walking over you. Walking over you is when you allow someone to influence your own behavious, decisions or beliefs. In fact by reacting to someone's insult you are already pandering to them, allowing them to influence your behaviour. They are already walking over you. You are letting them perturb you.

You don't have to react to people. You don't have to entertain them either - you can walk away and have nothing further to do with them. It's your choice really. Do you want to feel all angry and agressive or would you rather just turn away and get on with your life? Noone's making you engage with it.

By reacting to someone's insult they already own you. Be the bigger person and show greater self-control.

1 hour ago, asgard94 said:

How will you ever be confident in relationships? 

This issue has nothing really to do with confidence. In fact a greater confidence will come from being less reactive and having more self-control. In terms of relationships - that's what boundaries are for. And boundaries aren't about fighting back when someone crosses one. They are about making it clear what is and isn't acceptable to you and applying a non-offensive consequence - like leaving the room, or saying no.

Interesting question though.

[asgard94]

4 minutes ago, FindingPeace said:

What kind of psychological damage?

The question to ask here is not about suppressing anger but why you need to be angry in the first place?

So someone insults me, weather it's verbally or by spitting at me. That's slightly different to someone hitting or injuring me. In fact in the latter I would try to remove myself from the situation as quickly as possible. But as for insults.. so what? I guess it depends if it's someone you will see again or not. Whether they are a factor in your daily life.

In any case I wouldn't be retaliating with physical violence. That makes you no better than them. If you feel the need to be angry and defensive then they've obviously touched something sensitive within you. There is something within you, something you believe, that they have drawn attention to.

There's a good saying "Nobody can make you feel bad without your permission". If you were a secure, self-assure person then noone can offend you. You wouldn't be getting angry and defensive. Beating the shit out of people because they offend you is a red flag that some inner work needs doing.

 

People will only walk over you if you let them. People saying and doing things isn't the same as walking over you. Walking over you is when you allow someone to influence your own behavious, decisions or beliefs. In fact by reacting to someone's insult you are already pandering to them, allowing them to influence your behaviour. They are already walking over you. You are letting them perturb you.

You don't have to react to people. You don't have to entertain them either - you can walk away and have nothing further to do with them. It's your choice really. Do you want to feel all angry and agressive or would you rather just turn away and get on with your life? Noone's making you engage with it.

By reacting to someone's insult they already own you. Be the bigger person and show greater self-control.

This issue has nothing really to do with confidence. In fact a greater confidence will come from being less reactive and having more self-control. In terms of relationships - that's what boundaries are for. And boundaries aren't about fighting back when someone crosses one. They are about making it clear what is and isn't acceptable to you and applying a non-offensive consequence - like leaving the room, or saying no.

Interesting question though.

Well put! Sounds good enough to me. As for the kind of psychological damage I talk about, it depends on the person itself, how this kind of thing affected him and how he feels about it. Of course, people who are truly confident, strong and self-disciplined will not fall into such a provocation and jump to violence, obviously. I guess it all depends on the persons perspective. I don't recommend turning to violence either. But hey, just a couple of teeth kicked in, wouldn't be so bad right?! Haha. It's about the energy you have, and how you prefer to distribute it throughout life. Personally I would respond with a slight face punch and a nice push, just to keep things under control. And I would do that not because I have issues within me, but simply because he asked for it! Though, i still believe that fundamentally, at a root-primitive psychological level it is impossible not to get angry about this. But if someone is truly capable of not getting angry or insulted, then I applaud to their self-control.

[Fishy]

Punch them out of compassion, and tell them to observe the feelings of anger rising mindfully and accept them

Straight learning.

[asgard94]

1 minute ago, Fishy said:

Punch them out of compassion, and tell them to observe the feelings of anger rising mindfully and accept them

Straight learning.

Way to go! Enlightenment in action. 

[Guest]

5 minutes ago, Fishy said:

Punch them out of compassion, and tell them to observe the feelings of anger rising mindfully and accept them

Straight learning.

Even the buddha killed a man to protect people. Don't think just because I'm enlightened you can do any shit to me you want. 

[Anicko]

You always choose your reaction- including whether you are 'psychologically damaged' by something. The more mindful and "enlightened" you become, the more you realize you decide how you react, respond and feel about everything. 

Choosing the example of being spit on is rather extreme. Most adults don't have that risk in their daily lives, so it's difficult to speculate without additional information. 

Unless I'm in dire physical harm, I'm not going to kick any teeth in. And if you are a decent human being, no one's going to look down on you for taking the high road. 

 

[Fishy]

12 minutes ago, The Alchemist said:

Even the buddha killed a man to protect people. Don't think just because I'm enlightened you can do any shit to me you want. 

Yes gotta protect sometimes  Didn't know buddha did.

[asgard94]

1 minute ago, Anicko said:

You always choose your reaction- including whether you are 'psychologically damaged' by something. The more mindful and "enlightened" you become, the more you realize you decide how you react, respond and feel about everything. 

Choosing the example of being spit on is rather extreme. Most adults don't have that risk in their daily lives, so it's difficult to speculate without additional information. 

Unless I'm in dire physical harm, I'm not going to kick any teeth in. And if you are a decent human being, no one's going to look down on you for taking the high road. 

 

Yes I understand I made up quite an extreme case here. And I absolutely agree. The more awareness you attain and the more you explore your consciousness/practice self-control, the more often you become able to choose between your reactions rather than blindly following the impulses. Good point there..

[Electron]

What is the interpretation of a guy spitting on his face to an enlightened guy? There isn't any. Its just stuff happening. The person that is spitting on him is him. 

[Catanio]

True nonviolence is actually a position of tremendous strength.  The easy thing is to answer violence with more violence.  It takes courage to turn the other cheek.  

[Fishy]

6 minutes ago, Catanio said:

True nonviolence is actually a position of tremendous strength.  The easy thing is to answer violence with more violence.  It takes courage to turn the other cheek.  

Well if you are really scared of people it don't take courage to turn the other cheek because then you would be afraid to hit back even if you wanted to. 

[asgard94]

5 minutes ago, Fishy said:

Well if you are really scared of people it don't take courage to turn the other cheek because then you would be afraid to hit back even if you wanted to. 

This is a trap! There is no way to tell if your cheek is a sign of strength or weakness! Then perhaps, here comes a question... Does what others think of you stand above your own judgement and belief? So in other words.. Shall one remain true to his beliefs, or do what he thinks society thinks he should be doing! hm... 
Maybe next time I should ask "what would you do if someone shot you in the foot. Scream or laugh?! haha.. That case would be less complex maybe. 

Edited February 25, 2016 by asgard94

[Simon Zackrisson]

@asgard94 Interesting question. I've been putting myself in this questioning some time ago, but in a more legal way. Like, what is the legal view on initiating physical violence if someone should spit in your face?
Probably quite disconcerting .

However there is a lot of people who would consider this to be of no meaning, and pursue their feeling of self-defence and possibly hatred in any case. 

Perhaps you could put forward an legal argument that you felt such in danger, that you had to struck the first blow, that if someone already feel they can spit on you, they can certainly follow that up with mortal violence.

 

So, in a spiritual sense? 
Idk. Should you practice forgiving or start a fight.. 
Perhaps one way is, to let go of any adrenaline fueled hate that inspires you when someone spits at you, but still, if required for your ego's safety, cause them to become unconsciousness. 
I am a little bit tired of the overemphasis on forgiving. I think it's in our nature to have instinct of survival, and I think to consider measures of safety, is sane.

My current take.

Edited February 25, 2016 by Simon Zackrisson
Typo

[David1]

You react in this way because a spit in the face is culturally seen as very provocative act. In another culture, a spit in the face could be very friendly act. Or an invitation to dinner :). 

[asgard94]

2 minutes ago, David1 said:

You react in this way because a spit in the face is culturally seen as very provocative act. In another culture, a spit in the face could be very friendly act. Or an invitation to dinner :). 

Indeed. It depends on the program that runs in our heads. And one good use of self-actualization is that you become able to reprogram yourself, when ever necessary. You become an engineer of your own mind.

Edited February 25, 2016 by asgard94

[Ramu]

3 hours ago, asgard94 said:

I have asked this question to so called "Enlightened" people numerous times. I got answers such as "I will be compassionate and walk away, chanting 'gate gate paragate parasamgate bodhi svaha' ". But does anyone ever think about the psychological consequences of such events? Does it occur to you that maybe such an approach to life will allow people to walk over you and will leave you with countless psychological traumas? Even if you try to act from the perspective of your 'higher self', this still does not change the fact that a psychological damage has been done to you. You may keep denying that, but every neurologist/psychologist can confirm that the damage is being done. Suppressing your anger at such times is not healthy for your psychological health. So I say we should kick some teeth in, if someone spits in your face. Besides, if you let someone do this to you and walk away, how will you ever have any confidence in other aspects of your life? How will you ever be confident in relationships? What do you think about it? and also please write down, what would you do in such a case.

I would respond in a way in which the other would regret his decision to spit on me.  By the way, who ever said that an Awakened or Enlightened person wouldn't assert them self?

[Fishy]

20 minutes ago, asgard94 said:

This is a trap! There is no way to tell if your cheek is a sign of strength or weakness! Then perhaps, here comes a question... Does what others think of you stand above your own judgement and belief? So in other words.. Shall one remain true to his beliefs, or do what he thinks society thinks he should be doing! hm... 
Maybe next time I should ask "what would you do if someone shot you in the foot. Scream or laugh?! haha.. That case would be less complex maybe. 

If its motivated by fear that you don't react, and you stand there thinking all sort of evil stuff about the other person then I would say it's a weakness.

What others think about you should not stand above your own judgement and belief. 

If someone shoots you in the foot you pull the bullet out and say finders keepers  <- lol just kidding

[asgard94]

2 minutes ago, Fishy said:

If its motivated by fear that you don't react, and you stand there thinking all sort of evil stuff about the other person then I would say it's a weakness.

What others think about you should not stand above your own judgement and belief. 

If someone shoots you in the foot you pull the bullet out and say finders keepers  <- lol just kidding

Ahahah! Finders keepers it is...

[David1]

9 minutes ago, Fishy said:

If its motivated by fear that you don't react, and you stand there thinking all sort of evil stuff about the other person then I would say it's a weakness.

What if Mike Tyson spits you in the face?