A Trip Through Insanity (My Meditation Journey)

[onacloudynight]

Lately, I have been more interested in meditating and deepening my understanding of reality, so I have decided to start a journal about my journey of raising my consciousness.

Since I have the time and freedom, I've decided to start it off with a 7 day meditation challenge. Starting tomorrow, I will be meditating 3 hours everyday for 7 days. I plan to stick with it till the end and might continue past the 7 days if possible. This will not be a formal retreat, as I will still be reading and carrying on a relatively normal day, but I will try to maintain silence throughout the day and limit some of my activities. I'm looking forward to gain insights into myself and reality, which I will be sharing here.

Catch ya tomorrow!

Edited December 10, 2017 by onacloudynight

[onacloudynight]

My schedule for this week:

2x50min of Mindfulness Meditation

3x20min of Concentration

1x20min of Walking Meditation.

[onacloudynight]

Day 1: Complete

Today was pretty smooth sailing. A lot of stuff happened today. For one, during one my meditation sessions, I had an overwhelming feeling of sexual energy come over me. By focusing on this energy, I was able to increase it until it felt like I was having a Full body orgasm, which was pretty pleasant. Who needs women if you can give yourself an orgasm with your mind. Only joking....

I am started to feel invincible. Most things simply can't touch me, there are a couple of weak points here and there, but as I start to meditate more, these weak points are gradually fading away.

I feel like I am gaining so much more awareness. It just baffles my mind that so much more is even possible, when I already feel so much bliss and peace throughout my day.

Looking forward to tomorrow!

 

[onacloudynight]

Day 2: Complete

Alright so today was a little bit tougher. I went through a lot of suffering today. I find that once I increase the time, I run into a lot more unpleasant sensations. The good news is that the more stuff I purge from my system, the more peaceful I become.

I also have been dealing with a lot of sexual energy, which is part of the dark side of meditation. I seem to be hyper horny, which is really distracting while you are meditating. Oh well all is good, everything passes. Everything is impermanent.

Let's see how tomorrow goes...

[onacloudynight]

Day 3: Complete

I feel really focused right now. I just finished a walking meditation session. During it, I was so focused on walking that I felt almost like a cat stalking its prey. Earlier today was filled with a lot of suffering. I almost thought I was going to give up. Good thing I am not a little bitch. You have to really see the benefits, if you are going to do lots of meditation like this. This stuff isn't easy. It literally feels like hell sometimes. It feels like torture. I had a thought that this is like someone getting a really hot piece of iron and singeing it on your skin. That is what it feels like sometimes. I am not giving up though! I refuse. There's nothing else more important than this. I don't care if I die in the process. I am finishing this!

Edited December 13, 2017 by onacloudynight

[onacloudynight]

Day 4: Complete

Today was filled with intense emotional purging. There was a period during the day where I was overwhelmed with intense sadness. I was crying a lot. It actually felt pretty good. It feels like I am getting closer to finally being able to fully feel genuine emotions again. It's hard to explain, but I am just more aware of my emotions. They feel more pure. I didn't realize it was possible to feel emotions like this. I like it. I am becoming more authentic and clean. Also, my awareness seems to be skyrocketing.

Right now I feel at peace. Earlier this week I felt this sort of manic high. Now I just feel really calm and peaceful. This is starting to feel like what meditation should be about. This is what monks must feel like, albeit probably to a deeper degree. This is crazy. I am just looking forward to see how deep this goes...

Edited December 14, 2017 by onacloudynight

[onacloudynight]

Day 5: Complete

Today was easier. I am starting to build momentum and seem to be getting into a flow. I really want to continue past the 7 days. Everything feels peaceful and really relaxing. My awareness is getting sharper; I love it. This feels quite fulfilling. I have no reason to quit now.

[onacloudynight]

Day 6: Complete

I am going through intense suffering. During my last sit, my whole body got very hot and started itching all over. If this stuff continues, I probably won't be able to continue past the 7 days. On the bright side though, I feel good now. It's starting to get predictable. Purging then peace, purging then peace. That's how it goes.

[onacloudynight]

Day 7: Complete

Alright the challenge has successfully been completed. My brain feels like Play-Doh. I learned that when you do a lot of meditation like this, you run into a shit ton of suffering. I feel like I successfully slapped my mind around, which should have solidified a bit more clarity and peace of mind.

Also, I am not going to be able to continue meditating 3 hours a day. I think 2 hours a day will be good for me to continue long-term, without the risk of me burning out.

As I meditate, I'll be updating this periodically if I run into anything interesting.

Hope everyone is doing amazing.

Peace!

Much Love!

Edited December 17, 2017 by onacloudynight