Feeling Held Back By Girlfriend

[xxBryantxx]

We've had plenty of problems in the past and there are certain times they keep sprouting up here and there. The main problem we're having now is financial. I feel like I'm always covering for her, cause in my opinion she doesn't have a good grasp on handling her money and makes unwise decisions that leaves her broke. Before moving in with her, I would always have money saved for emergencies and now I'm as broke as she is. I don't make a lot of money, but I knew how to utilize it to progress myself when I was single. I just can't seem to do that anymore. She's always in crisis and getting herself into trouble which I have to bail her out of. I hear it from her and other people that it's just how a relationship works. but I rarely need a bail out and if I do, is from helping her. She calls me selfish for bringing  up and expressing that I might want to leave cause I feel like I'm being held back. Any thoughts?

[aurum]

12 hours ago, xxBryantxx said:

I hear it from her and other people that it's just how a relationship works

That's a lie.

12 hours ago, xxBryantxx said:

She calls me selfish for bringing  up and expressing that I might want to leave cause I feel like I'm being held back

Of course she does, that's what is in her best interest. Would you want your supply of free money to run away?

I'd break it off asap. Find yourself a girl that is at least self-sufficient.

[YaNanNallari]

If you're going to keep up the relationship you seem to need her to improve her perspective on money. This is done by bigger picture understanding and fixing deeper issues. She probably won't do this if you just tell her to get over it, explain to her compassionately how she could think about it. Maybe encourage her to think about this herself or do research. Maybe watch Leo's video on masculine and feminine compassion?

She is calling you selfish because she's trying to manipulate reality in some way. Is she a bad person for it? No. This video's first half could give you one perspective to this, why or how she might be doing this. If you watch Leo's newest video, selflessness is explained there briefly as doing the thing that's good for most people, not just your partner, although you might help your partner over others if the standings are equal.

Honestly it sounds pretty bad and she has a lot of work to do which she most likely won't be willing to do. Or then she will claim that she will do it to keep you around, but won't actually commit to it due to her issues and lack of understanding. If this is the case you can help her of course if you choose to. 

[Spiral]

Breaking up is the way to go, not because she expects you to pay but because you have to, to begin with. People who's always getting in trouble is not worth the trouble.

Changing people is the absolute last option.

Edited December 10, 2017 by Spiral

[pluto]

The hardest thing in the world is waking up in the process of falling in love with another and realizing you must let go because at first you needed that experience to wake you up and now he next lesson is learning how to let go. The relationship makes it extremely difficult to grow, move forward and thrive in life because you have woken up but the other still needs deep work to do so and relationships only get in the way for the other to make progress because focus will be on the other and not themselves due to unconditional love.

Same thing happened with my Ex, she wasn't aware of how bad she was treating me as the closer i got the worse i was treated and felt pretty much left for dead so the only way i could love her was let her go and we later found out it was more with her unresolved issues with her family and father when she was younger she was mistakenly blamed me for.

If you love a flower you do not pick it, you water it every day and allow it to grow

Edited December 11, 2017 by pluto

[xxBryantxx]

17 hours ago, aurum said:

That's a lie.

Yeah, I figured as much. When I hear a lot of people say the same thing, it sometimes makes me question what I've learned in this path. She makes me feel like I'm the crazy heartless one. 

 

Edited December 11, 2017 by xxBryantxx

[Eva]

Had a similar situation with my ex-boyfriend. Now he's an ex. No other person is worth sacrificing myself. And no sane and/or worthy person would not ask me to do so.

EDIT: I have to add that the break-up felt awful and was horrible for the both of us. But totally worth it, unfortunately.

Edited December 11, 2017 by Eva