Feeling that life is not for me

[iTommy]

Hey guys.

I've been feeling depressed for years now, and there is a big part of me that doesn't expect anything out of life anymore. This part has already completely given up on life. The first few years of trying to "fix" my mental state were hard but there was still a glimpse of authentically wanting to reach something in life, and/or atleast continue to fight the battle.

Yet, especially in the last two years this glimpse isn't really there anymore. 

There are moments in my life, where I find myself being a bit grateful for being able to still experience certain things, but those are very rare.

I always find myself being between giving up, and keeping on fighting. On one side my mind has already given up, it's saying like, "Well, life is not for me. Why bother playing the game of life which you mostly perceive as negative, frustrating, miserable, when you can quit?"

The other side is saying something like, "You have so much potential, although life to you currrently seems dull, frustrating etc. it's possible to turn this around. It's possible for you, to live a joyful and a fulfilling life. The only thing that keeps you from living one, is how you interpret the things you perceive. You don't see life currently as it is, you see it how the mind chooses to interpret it. With work, you can accomplish things that you didn't think were possible."

So... this kind of sucks being stuck in-between those two opposites.

Instead of choosing one to go with, there is always this inner conflict. Even though if I would choose the more positive option, the mind would still not really want to get better, because on some level it has given up completely, it feels/seems impossible to convince the mind otherwise.

 

I feel completely worn out and tired of life. There is zero motivation, and I'd rather just sleep all day long. I've been in therapy and I am on medication, yet they only scratch the surface of the deeper issues. I wouldn't even really mind if someone put a gun to my head, hell I'd probably just laugh. 

I feel trapped in deep neurotic patterns. Here, I am trying to be mindful, seeing feelings & thoughts for what they are etc., meditation/self-inquiry & contemplation helps me with that too, but really the mind is just tired. The only positive I can get out from this, is that I am able to surrender rather easily to some degree when it comes to doing self-inquiry/"ego-deaths" and whatnot, since "I" don't really mind dying. 

I am not really sure where to go from here. This part of feeling that life isn't for me is pretty static. It's like a wall and it seems that I don't have the equipment nor the strenght to break or climb it. I am trying to get into a clinic again, which might take two years to get in and do a bit of other therapy in the meantime. Yet... I don't really believe that it will change something. Sure, maybe I would experience a bit of motivation & drive here and there while being there, but then this would crumble down again and I am back at the start - that's atleast my assumption and the mindset I am bringing with me. This mindset is again, very static. I am open to whatever is there, but deep down as I already said, the mind has made its decision.

Any tips/pointers on how to deal with this?

[YaNanNallari]

Maybe study more stuff on personal development. Knowing what to do and how to can get you more inspired. And it can be a bit fun to learn as well. It's hard to figure that stuff out against only your mind.

You might get some relatively quick results by just trying to surrender for a bit. Like take time to sit/lay down and just try and give up. See what you're holding onto, and let it go. This may or may not work, but in your situation it helped me to give up some ideas of the old me and give compassion for the old me as well.

It's hard but I'd definitely say it's worth it. After years of depression I'm no longer that thanks to personal development. I think when thinking about why to do this, you can see how obviously your perspective and suffering is very subjective. Although you're not to blame, your mind has the potential to see things in a much better light. So what I sometimes thought was that my view that says everything sucks is not really the optimal and I'll just try to follow teachings of the wise gurus. Knowing that's it's all alright in the end. You won't do perfect, but if you keep at it you will be rewarded. With personal development being rewarded is no possibility, it's real. Enjoy the moment and not just wait for future of course.

[supremeyingyang]

17 hours ago, iTommy said:

Any tips/pointers on how to deal with this?

Yeah. Been in a comparable situation some years ago there I thought that I that lost my 'freshness'. What I did?

- Reframed (NLP)

- Sport

- Cut negative thoughts and people

- took extra B12 and Vitamin D and improved my diet with fresh vegetables

Do you know the Video of Leo about Depression? You have to get through you mental winter. I bet you can.

[Marks199]

Chess is a great mental game that makes you competitive with everything you would like it and try a bit of mindfulness http://www.onlinecollegecourses.com/2012/03/25/10-big-brain-benefits-of-playing-chess/

 

[Faceless]

Life “as it is of its self”and the center “the me” implies conflict.

Who are you?

What are you?

What is the continuity of the you? 

 

 

 

[Shin]

On 08/12/2017 at 10:20 PM, YaNanNallari said:

.

What's your current status ?

[Miguel Oliveira]

@supremeyingyang Hy, how do you reframed it?

[Shin]

20 minutes ago, Wasem said:

 

I mean you know what is wrong with your state of mind, I wish I can know what's wrong with mine  

 

Make a post, and try to explain it.

[supremeyingyang]

1 hour ago, Miguel Oliveira said:

@supremeyingyang Hy, how do you reframed it?

Good Question. The following technique is originally from a NLP Starter Book (any of them would be a good pick for you):

You can make the whole technique with pen and paper, that makes it easier to repeat it.

1. First you choose a situation there you feel depressed. Realize already that you give the situation its bad meaning. That means that you can give a good meaning as well. For example depressive thoughts because of rejection.
2. Next Step is to ask 'Why?', then you do that on the next level and so on until you can't do this any more. You go deeper and deeper until you are at the core.
Example: You got rejected by a girl. Why is that bad? Because now I can't 'have' her. Why is that bad? Because I wanted to fill my pain with a relationship and now I can't do this.
3. Third Step is to give it a new meaning. See yourself, how you walk, feel etc. You frame the rejection as a process of learning there mistakes are good. Or you say: Good that I don't started a relationship on that basis. Now I can work on it:)
4. Last Step is to visualize yourself in a situation, there you would normally feel depressed because of the rejection. For example if you see her again. You embrace the bad feeling and then change it to the  new meaning you made in step 3. Feel it. Give yourself about 3 Minutes for the last step and repeat it a. for every Situation there you get triggered b. one a regular basis.

 

41 minutes ago, Wasem said:

I mean you know what is wrong with your state of mind, I wish I can know what's wrong with mine

 

I obviously don't know you. But chances are, that you are going through a process of growth and nothing is wrong with you:)

Edited December 19, 2017 by supremeyingyang

[iTommy]

On 19.12.2017 at 10:24 PM, Wasem said:

I feel you brother,  and I am really very impressed about how you are able to describe your state of mind. I find that on its own as an achievement to be celebrated !

I just want to say that if this thread was started by me, I would like people to pass and drop a kind word, and here I am dropping a kind word for you. 

All I can say, with this impressive ability to analyze your state of mind, I do have faith that you are going to make it and get rid of this black cloud that is depression.

I mean you know what is wrong with your state of mind, I wish I can know what's wrong with mine  

Good luck

Thanks man, I hope you find your way

[Melwyn]

I think thats a good help and support if you sourround yourself with people who can understand you on an deeper level.

Never underestimate the power of compassion from others and much more important your own compassion for yourself!

Sending you good vibes

[Shin]

On 19/12/2017 at 11:20 PM, Wasem said:

Basically, I grew up in a conflicts zone, and I had to have this one-shot learning in life, or die. I find it impressive that I am still holding on, while being aware and in contact of the atrocities of war to a certain degree. I am sometimes even scared to dive in and try to find out what scars that had left in me. Thank goodness I am trying to use the knowledge that comes from Actualized.org in order to make this journey easier for me.

Make a thread about that, and go way deeper in your explanations, like 30 lines minimum.

[Nahm]

This life is for you. Living it through the past is not for you.