How to make friends?

[Damir Elezi]

Hello you wonderful people out there, I hope you're having a great day. 

I'm sure there are tons of posts on here already talking about this topic, but I want to adress this again specifically for my case because I am a very selfish motherfucker

One thing I noticed lately is that I actually seem very lonely. I must have been lonely for years now, but I didn't quite notice it consciously. I was so involved in my own ambitions, dreams, plans, routines, duties, chores and thoughts in general that I took the general melancholy connected to being alone as proof that "I don't work enough!", felt bad about that and either threw myself into work, or, if I lacked motivation, numbed myself with porn and youtube videos (which is actually pretty much how I found Leo's channel to be honest - I guess good things can come out of that too) 
I have been home alone for the last 3 days with not a lot to do, didn't really talk to anyone and I felt like shit. Today, after meditating for a longer time than usual and practicing some mindfulness, I could manage to look at that pain objectively without reacting to it (just for some moments) and noticed that I deeply lack other people who I can connect to. I just met some friends I didn't see in a while and it literally feels like a PHYSICAL need has been fulfilled. I never felt like this, always considered myself an introvert. 

I feel that most of my friendships and relationships to other people are superficial and I don't really connect to people on a deeper level, which is why I am not really motivated to spend a lot of time with them. This is the case firstly because most of my friends don't really share my interests, secondly because I simply don't have that many people in my life. 

I want to find people who are passionate about stuff that I am passionate about, which is mainly Hip Hop music, Personal Development and Philosophy. Do you have any practical tips for me on how to find people like these? I mean should I actually go on the street and chat people up until there is a "match" or is there a better alternative? What do you think?

Thank you all in advance  

[smd]

@Damir Elezi

You sound like me..lol.

I think you're in an excellent position to find out what kind of personality you have. This link has a free exam plus a book you can buy to explain your personality type: https://www.16personalities.com

I'm going to be buying the book for my type when I go on vacation next week to work on myself.  I took the exam & found that my personality is comparable to that of a fucking hermit!  So I'm going to get the book to see if I can do anything about that.  I probably shouldn't have been surprised about it but I have relatives on both sides of my family that are hermits & I just never saw it that way, but that is exactly what it was.

Here's one tip I found for "fishing" for friends.  Take some book you are reading & carry it to whatever bar, restaurant or public place that you go to & carry it so that people can see it or read the cover.  I found once a bartender who saw me reading a Terrence McKenna book & after that, we could not stop talking about books we read.  We could've probably gone on for hours & hours talking about non-fiction & sci-fi/fantasy books.

Someone has mentioned Meetups online as well, but I've not yet tried it.  My day job is fucking tyrant these days & I feel I rarely get to do anything but work all the time, starting to give me PTSD.  We actually had some people quit outright without even giving a two week notice, as it has become so bad..but I digress...that's a story for another thread.

[YaNanNallari]

A lot of people want to find you as someone who shares similar ideas and can that way be attached to you I'd guess. Honestly you don't need many friends, just be yourself and improve your lovingness and awareness.

Edited December 9, 2017 by YaNanNallari

[Damir Elezi]

@smd Thank you for the great advice, I will definitely check this out! And being a hermit doesn't sound bad to me as long  as you're okay with it  your job situation sounds pretty bad, why don't you quit it as well and look for something that doesn't consume you as much? 

[Damir Elezi]

@Wasem I'm from Germany and even here I find it kinda hard, can't imagine how it is in a country like Iraq, with a lot of problems within society and a high degree of religious indoctrination. I'll try some stuff out. In the end, meeting other people with your level of consciousness and connecting with them is the purpose of forums like these right? 

[Damir Elezi]

@YaNanNallari How exactly do I improve my lovingness? I mean, will stuff like metta meditation actually help me make friends? You got some first hand experience with this? 

[YaNanNallari]

Yeah some kind of metta meditation definitely can help. I got my basis for it from Leo's power of self acceptance video and from there on learned to spread good feeling into my body. I also happened to unblock my heart chakra at least a bit which allows me to always tap into some sort of warmth, but this came a lot later. Nowadays it's totally natural for me to be quite loving with everyone and a lot of people seem to like some positivity for a change. Being non-judgemental and more open-minded overall helps, which can be improved through meditation and even having watched Leo's videos, just overall self-development. This is stuff you're going to learn anyway eventually, although not maybe exactly this way.

[Rinne]

@Damir Elezi Youll be great. You are great. 

[Damir Elezi]

@YaNanNallari Alright, then I'll see what's waiting for me on the path, thanks a lot

[Damir Elezi]

@Wasem May I ask how you found this channel and personal development in general? 

[Damir Elezi]

@Wasem Wow I honestly didn't think that any Iraqis cared about stuff like meditation, or even heard of that  guess I was pretty prejudiced there, thank you for broadening my horizon

[smd]

On 12/9/2017 at 2:43 PM, Damir Elezi said:

@smd Thank you for the great advice, I will definitely check this out! And being a hermit doesn't sound bad to me as long  as you're okay with it  your job situation sounds pretty bad, why don't you quit it as well and look for something that doesn't consume you as much? 

 

I'd change jobs if I thought the next job wouldn't be more of the same.  You're first year is always a horror wherever you end up working, is what I've discovered (I'm 2.5 years into it now).  I did have a slow-paced job before this one, but it was in downtown, a horrible 1.5 - 2 hours of daily roundtrip commuting.

Also, I think if I can survive the job for a couple more years, I might be able to retire or find a lower paying, slow or part-time job giving more time to myself.  Walk away from the rat race before I get too old.

So far, my job situation is what I have top priority to solve, but it really consume all my energy.  At the end of the day, I always feel my energy is drained.

The only issue I have right now is that I have to put in extra time just to keep up with the workflow.

[Damir Elezi]

@smd Hang in there buddy, I'm sure you can handle this. Doesn't mean you will, but you CAN, what happens in the end is up to you right? I know the whole money thing can be a tough situation sometimes