The Paradox of Ending My Moralizing

[kieranperez]

Okay so I'm really working on ending this habit of moralizing and am certainly going a lot of awareness as to when I'm "should-ing" myself. I keep @Leo Gura's insight on ending this paradigm of should-statements in mind but this goes into my dilemma regarding motivation: 

For example, I haven't been disciplined with my training as a runner. I'm trying so hard to commit myself to training for Nationals for track in June and all this stuff but my motivation for running has been all over the place lately. If I had to be honest, my motivation is coming from this unhealthy should paradigm. However, I love my running though and I do want to become the best athlete I can be as a result of committing to mastery in my running. Nothing feels more right when I'm training and racing. At the same time though, my motivation is clearly improperly grounded as I can't even go a whole week of training without sabotaging myself and then moralizing myself more where I say to myself like 'I need to get fucking serious man! Let's go! Sometimes you just gotta do it even when you necessarily don't want to!' Which I do see as something that can be seen as neurotic but also true.

Another example is working on turning my financial situation around. I'm just not putting in any work towards advancing myself in my work (which is at a very mediocre level) to earn more money (which is not what ultimately motivates me. However, not having any certainly should get you motivated). It's like, unless I don't beat myself to get started on work, man, I won't do a damn fuckin' thing. Even when I don't do anything though, I still guilt myself to start getting things going and not be a fuckin' waste product. 

Again, this was touched on in Leo's video on how to stop moralizing but I'm still unclear as to how this get's dropped and get's replaced with healthy motivation (preferably ASAP so I can get shit done). It's as if I'm either sabotaging the things I actually need and want to get done because I'm just not grounded by positive motivation or I'm guilting myself and beating myself when I follow my desire of not doing anything. 

[Dan94]

@kieranperez I'm in a bit of the same situation after having completed the Life Purpose course. I have become more clear on some of the concepts I still yet have to dive more into such as intrinsic motivation and fear. My thing this month is to get through Robert Fritz' book "Path of least resistance." The book discusses visions and the structures your thoughts are operating from by not getting fixated on problem solving but instead directing your focus towards a compelling, creative paradigm. Sounds very powerful. I will let you know how it worked on me :).

And it's tricky as hell cause it's very, very easy to get so bloody resistant towards the thing that you like the most. And so you start second guessing your self even if you are on the right path. 

Else just read some booooks maaaan.

[Dan94]

And I hope it empowers you that virtually every body goes through the same struggle.

 

[Leo Gura]

1 hour ago, kieranperez said:

(preferably ASAP so I can get shit done).

Lol

See, that's the problem right there. The ego is manipulating to get its same old self-agenda through. But the point of evolving to healthier forms of motivation is that parts of the ego must die. The old self-agenda must die.

It's a tricky thing. You have to surrender your old ideas of what is right, good, and proper for your life. And that's a scary thing. You cannot do that if your #1 goal is getting shit done or maintaining the status quo. Your #1 goal should instead be: truth and authenticity.

You have to face the hard question of whether running is something you do at all. And why? Why do anything? Why not just eat ice cream all day?

Yes, you will definitely sacrifice results in the short term. That is the nature of all consciousness work. It is not about results. It is about truth and authenticity.

To put results above truth is to put the cart before the horse, and is what ultimately leads to all human problems.

It's hard to strike a balance between the two at first.

[Elisabeth]

Feel you. 

I could have written this, substitute physics for running. Well maybe I'm not as sure of my passion, and a step further where my productivity actually dropped. 

I'm starting to think I will have to quit eventually, but then I have no idea what else could I do for a living. 

I mean do I have to actually loose that job to realize it was important to me?

34 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

You have to face the hard question of whether running is something you do at all. And why? Why do anything? Why not just eat ice cream all day?

 

I'm not finding proper answers to that, except for the fear of pain. Ok, I do have a few hobbies, but the motivation is not that much deeper than eating ice cream - certainly not a motivation to actually produce something or help someone. 

Sigh. 

[kieranperez]

@Leo Gura what you just described had me laugh because that is exactly what I’ve been denying myself. I will have arguments of how I need to change NOW. I remember you mentioned about how all identity crises come from the ego detecting it’s own falsehood and when I heard that I immediately thought about all my self deceptions I’m pretty much apart of. How I decevive myself over things I think I want but don’t actually want but still pursue them anyways because it fits the identity I’ve constructed for myself.

[Leo Gura]

19 minutes ago, Elisabeth said:

I mean do I have to actually loose that job to realize it was important to me?

Maybe. You wouldn't be the first person. But also, not necessarily. You can just sit and contemplate and figure lot of shit out purely in your head.

It really helps to contemplate your own death. I have an episode by that very title. By contemplating your own death, you get clear about what you want out of life.

You're taking life totally for granted right now. If you became really conscious of what life is, you would have enough motivation for 50 lifetimes.

Soul-searching takes work. Because it is abstract work, people tend not to recognize it as work, and so never actually do it. And then they wonder why their life sucks. How many hundreds of hours have you spent soul-searching?

Take a week off and go spend it alone in a cabin in the woods thinking about your life. That's where real work happens.

[Leo Gura]

6 minutes ago, kieranperez said:

@Leo Gura what you just described had me laugh because that is exactly what I’ve been denying myself. I will have arguments of how I need to change NOW. I remember you mentioned about how all identity crises come from the ego detecting it’s own falsehood and when I heard that I immediately thought about all my self deceptions I’m pretty much apart of. How I decevive myself over things I think I want but don’t actually want but still pursue them anyways because it fits the identity I’ve constructed for myself.

Yes, this is a pervasive problem for mankind. Because very few people think about life from scratch for themselves. They just go along with the herd, which means you are indoctrinated by the lowest common denominator of your culture and era.

[Joseph Maynor]

When you become fully aware of your authentic choices in the moment and how those differ from cultural terms, then all your problems will melt away.

[Emptystickfigure]

Nothing wrong with morals and ethics. Don't label morals 'good', or 'bad'. If morals feels right and part of your essence, than there's nothing wrong with it!