My life in a broken world

[Hardkill]

So, I decided to write a personal diary of my own here, because I have absolutely no other place to vent my anger, fear, and other forms of "negative energy" without getting banned or alienating others. I don't expect anyone here to respond to me here, but I do ask that I don't get banned from here for complaining and dumping countless amounts of negativity on here. I've already been banned from a number of other sites for doing that and have been warned by some instagram users and people on multiple skype chatrooms that they will ban me if they see another word of whining or some other form of negativity from me. Also, my parents are tired of hearing me complain and it's not like I can have an unlimited amount of therapy sessions from my psychiatrist or psychology. Hotlines, aren't available either. I don't know where else to go. 

This world fucked up in so many ways and I am doing everything I can to live in it. 

[Key Elements]

@Hardkill

Hey, tell you something. You could take it or leave it; it doesn't matter. Deal? You could start off simple by taking a walk outside in the fresh air. But, keep this in mind: be very aware of your thoughts -- let them just pass by as if you're seeing a leaf being carried away by the wind. Do not catch hold of any thoughts -- nope, no thoughts, esp. negative ones.

The thing I'm trying to say here is, it's just you and yourself. You have to first learn to be by yourself. That's all. You and yourself -- in peace.

(You may develop an exercise routine for yourself after a while.)

Then, after doing this for a while, I want to say to slowly take steps toward your life purpose. Why do I say this? Because without getting to know yourself, step by step, you will not be able to seek help. How can someone else help you if you don't know yourself? 

For example, an university counsellor may ask you a simple question, "Are you more interested in arts or the sciences?" If you cannot answer his questions, he cannot help you choose a major. This is just one example.

***

Secondly, I'll make it even simpler. If you can sit in your room by yourself, without over thinking or have any distractions, great. In this case, just take small steps into your life purpose. It's a lifetime / lifelong journey that will help you discover and develop yourself in your major / personal areas. If you try to skip steps, it won't work. You got to get your basics handled first.

***

We like to eventually hear your other interests, or how you discovered them on your journey. Why? This is what this forum is about, right? It's to go further and further along the journey, and if you share something along this process, we all (or at least some of us) will learn from it.

***

Yes, life is demanding like you say -- very challenging. But, f***** up, I'm not sure if I agree. Life is testing us and demanding us to be at our full potential. It requires you to come up with around a handful of interests and then find a way to make at least one or two of them into something that you enjoy doing and eventually becoming a life purpose and beyond. Then life gets easier, but it's up to you to find a way.

Good luck. 

[Hardkill]

Well, it's another week of torture in this god forsaken miserable world that we live in. Recently, I've thought about what I want to REALLY DO for a living and I can't decide what kind of career I want to have for the rest of my life. I actually envy people who already know what they want to do for a living and know that they will love it. 

[Salcedoop]

Is it really that bad? Do tell. ... 

[Hardkill]

Today was another day of feeling so down and frustrated. No one at my gym have offered to hangout with me. No matter where I go, I can never find new people to meet up with on a regular basis. Society is really fucked up. I am starting to hate alpha males. I am so incredibly jealous of them. It seems that no matter what I do or how hard I try I may never be able to solve this area of my life. Yes I know that when it comes to dating, sex, romance, and friendships there are no guarantees that I will ever get good with women or with people in general; however, alpha males are able to guaranteed themselves that they can get any kind of girl they want and as many cool friends as they want.

It's fucked up, especially considering the fact that I've worked so god damn hard on this and the most popular guys out there have always had it easy!!! Not to mention that I was promised by my psychologists, social workers, and a number of coaches that I will get good at all of this. What a load of fucking horse shit this world has turned out to be! "You're doing great, Ross. You're getting better at this. You'll find someone. All you need one is one...blah blah blah blah blah blah." I've worked obsessively for countless trying to figure out what I need to change and I still CANNOT figure it out! Everything anyone here can suggest I've tried. You name it. This method, that method, taking a break from all of this for several months to a year, etc. etc.

I am getting so tired of all of this! THIS ISN'T SUPPOSED TO BE HAPPENING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

[Azote]

I wonder what is your definition of "trying a method". Writing a diary is a method, yet you have only 3 entries in it.

And I believe you didn't try listing the techniques you tried, as several people here asked, so  - not "everything" yet. I might have just not notice this list, though. Is there one? 

[Hardkill]

17 hours ago, Azote said:

I wonder what is your definition of "trying a method". Writing a diary is a method, yet you have only 3 entries in it.

And I believe you didn't try listing the techniques you tried, as several people here asked, so  - not "everything" yet. I might have just not notice this list, though. Is there one? 

I've tried dating methods from Corey Wayne, Hayley Quinn, Kezia Noble, Gunwitch, Gambler's Stealth Attraction, Chief's seductive Introvert, etc. 

[Hardkill]

So, it's been a long time since I've written stuff down here on my own personal journal. This week I was able to experience a moment of pride and satisfaction of accomplishment for just two day. However, the day after it happens I lose that feeling and go back to my regular self. I was proud of being able to run 10 miles non-stop outside including running for 3 laps around a football field with 2 hills for each lap. I completed the 10 miles in 1 hour 19 min. and 29 sec. at a pace of about 7 min. 56 sec. per mile. That feeling last happened a few days ago. I wish I had that feeling back again. Fuck.

[Salcedoop]

@Hardkill  you  come off as very whiny dude. I'm gonna assume what you need is tough love, as you seem like the perfectionist type and tell you we girls aren't into whiny

Leo ha a video on the topic of how to get girls, and other topics that may help get you to a better place. There are also a ton of books and other very useful youtube channels that give out great advice for perfectionism, anxiety and other issues of the sort, check them out. 

Have a nice one dark Hardkill emo-dude!