Need Self-Improvement Guidance

[Coop]

Hello everyone, about 3 weeks ago i decided to begin changing my life, and i have made some good progress with the help of several resources, Actualized.org's content among the most helpful at that. But i have encountered some ?paradoxes? and obstacles that i feel i need some help clarifying, hopefully you have the time to provide an opinion. Thanks. 

Leo's video "You're not happy because you don't really want to be," provided me with the refreshing perspective that i already have everything i need to be happy (consciousness), and that externals will not provide the type of fulfillment i seek (by the way, i need to watch these videos more times so sorry if i mention something that isn't precisely what Leo meant to articulate). And so I've been recognizing lately that there's a lot of wisdom and truth to this, and a few days ago i was actually on a roll where i felt quite peaceful and in the moment at times, but then here comes the other aspect to my situation which has led to difficulties...

I currently have issues with various forms of anxieties, particularly of the social kind, and am still quite attached, identified with, and affected by persistent judgmental, comparative, self-demeaning, self-limiting thoughts, and so I've been trying to practice acceptance of and mindful detachment from these thoughts which HAS helped, but they've been hitting strongly recently in my attempts of facing my social fears. For example, I've recently gone to the mall and tried picking up women, primarily as a way of exposure therapy and as a social experiment that could help me desensitize from caring too much about what others think, rejection and "failure," i've tried to convince myself that it's not about actually getting approval from them, but my inability to follow through with this has been producing strong bodily sensations and thoughts that have felt utterly debilitating. The worst has come from going on dating websites to see if i can push myself to message someone there, but when i open these sites and see all these Women, and everything in between really, i immediately get the surge of sensations and thoughts that tell me "you can't do this," "you're not good enough, they're so much better than you," etc.

So this is my dilemma (or one of them): I want to feel more at peace and improve myself, and part of this has to do with letting go of self-destructive and lustful desires and being more simple and "minimalist" per say, but then the other part of me wants to also go out and face my fears, especially those having to do with Women, but the seemingly automatic thoughts and sensations i have with them are so strongly negative and lustful to be honest that it leaves me asking myself if i should forget about them too. I have become so strongly attached to the idea of bettering my self by facing my fears of being rejected to them, that i have neglected other avenues, so i'm left asking...

What do i do?, how do i face my fears? which fears do i face? What should i work on and how? 

Incredible how much of an impact my feel of lack and inferiority in relation to seemingly EVERYONE affects me. But i know i can get to where i want to be. Welp, thanks for reading, i'll just stop here for now lol. 

Edited December 6, 2017 by Coop

[Faceless]

Doesn’t mindful detachment imply mindlessness.. Maybe there is a time to be mindful and a time to be mindless. To have a full mind we become blinded by its content. To have less full mind is to see with greater clarity without barriers of its content obstructing our view and perception. 

Mindfulness in the realm of the egoic function “an ego tool” or “thought” 

Mindlessness implies freedom from the self or the absence of the center “ to not be blinded by the nature, structure, and substance of thought.

 

Anyhow this is how I view these words

 

 

Edited December 7, 2017 by Faceless

[Faceless]

Who or what is the entity that wants to improve?

 

 

[Coop]

What i meant to describe with "mindful detachment" is the process from which you receive a thought like "you're not good enough" and taking a step back and seeing it as "just" a thought like a cloud passing through the atmosphere, instead of taking the thought as reality and fighting, rationalizing, or trying to bury it. 

How do you practice "mindlessness?" 

I want to improve, who is that i? The person who is vessel to thoughts and sensations? 

[Faceless]

To me mindlessness comes about when you see and feel with your whole being the nature and structure of thought in your personal daily life. In that seeing/feeling the internal chatter “thought”or “mind” is not taken seriously, it is taken as internal noise. An inner commentary..Also once this process of inquiry becomes natural the compulsion of thought slows and may come to an end. Usually in smaller increments but usually in my experience grows to longer intervals. 

But don’t get caught in the trap of moving in a particular direction. Desire, gratification, chasing experiences will only cause further division and conflict. 

If we see that the mind is a problematic process and we are that mind “ego” then we see that problems come and go and that the center “becoming” is the root of this state of suffering. 

Just let the process be. Nothing else “you” can do. The process creates the you “duality” Knowing this you see the division is not actual. It’s a kind of symptom of thought. 

To live the mind must first learn the art of dying.

Anyway it’s an never ending learning until the day the body dies. 

 U see the significance of this? 

Edited December 6, 2017 by Faceless

[aurum]

@Coop

Do you meditate? if not, get on it. It will really help you with anxiety.

Sounds also like pickup could be a perfect way for you to push your comfort zone but also get some nice wins under your belt with women. I'd continue exploring that.