First Heart Break / Self Improvement

[Rossie]

My ex broke up with me about 3 weeks ago now, I think I was in shock for the first week as I didn't feel that it was real. It was only until Valentines day that it sunk in, because I'd already booked tickets to go somewhere with her and I didn't mind going. It was only then that it hit me, that week was the hardest week I've had.

She was my first love. I become needy, I asked for her back, I done everything wrong. This was my first breakup so it was a new experience for me. In the middle of this I watched many videos about breakups, and I found Leo's video as well. They helped me allot and have helped me to begin to understand what what was wrong with the relationship and what my part was in that.

At the end of that week I went home on Friday for the weekend, (I'm at university) and that was the last time I contacted my ex, I wanted to do no-contact as I needed some space to recover and I wanted to work on my issues. Issues to do with self esteem, communication and anger. I purchased Leo's reading list and now I'm reading The Way of The Superior Man and I have got Six Pillars of Self Esteem to read after. (I plan to expand and work on other areas as well!)

Being at home for the weekend helped me so much! Now I have these books to read in my spare time, and I'm already going to the gym. I'm really trying to focus on myself and becoming a better version of me.

But, (we all knew it was coming) I do want to get back with my ex, I know I've done all the wrong things after the breakup but I'm now trying to implement no contact to help me heal. Were both at the Uni and on the same course, luckily our lectures aren't at the same time though, but I did see her today. We talked briefly, I didn't want to make the conversation any longer than it had to be, but I was happy and friendly. Other than if we meet after a lecture, I wont talk to her. You cant ignore someone if there in front of you, that's just rude!  The only thing that worries me is that its her birthday in two weeks and I'm not sure what to do about it, I don't know if she will have a party and invite me ect. I don't want to be rude and ignore it, its not who I am. 

But I want to make it clear I'm not doing this for her or just to get her back. I'm doing this is for me, I want to become a better person. And I know this is a long journey, one that certainly wont take a couple of weeks. When I see her next, I hope she can tell that I'm not the same person that I was and maybe she will want to give it another go. But if she still wants to be friends, obviously I will be disappointed. But I'll be able to accept it and carry on my journey of self improvement and find someone else special. 

If you've read all of that, then I thank you for you patience! If you have any advice for me, I will be glad to hear it!

 

 

[Dhana Choko]

Thank you for telling your story. Heart breaks are always hard but especially the first one. Did your ex tell you why she wanted to break up?

[Guest]

You are doing the right thing by working on yourself for you, but you should not care what your ex thinks. If she never notices your change, it is completely irrelevant. I don't mean to sound cynical,but you should try to be as emotionally self-sufficient as possible. Relationships are about giving, and for long term success, the best way to be is to ultimately not need them. After all, you can never truly know another person or what is going to happen. Imagine getting cheated on after 30 years of what you thought was a good relationship--that stuff happens.

 

I know that might not sound pertinent to you,but the point is to be independent of external circumstances if you want true happiness. As for your engaging with your ex, try not to as much as possible. It really is not rude for you to cut her out of your life if you need time to lose your attachment to her. If you need to decline her invitation, explain to her that you need space from her to work things out on your own. The more contact you have, the harder it will be to truly get over her.