Can't seem to be myself

[AdamDiC]

Hi guys. I want to know how to be myself all the time. How to tend to my emotions. How to stop being so self-conscious and judgemental. I realized I am my worst enemy, change is terrifying for me and i fear it. 

I just watched How To Be a Man Part 2 and it really clicked with me. There have been moments in my life where i've felt amazing (tended to my feminine) and where all my relationships with people have gone effortlessly and smoothly.

But currently i am struggling, its been back and forth with this choking hyper self-consciousness of mine that creates so much fear that i always fall back into my "safe" little bubble of quietness and complacency. I just make excuses for my lack of courage like "Oh, It'll just go away with time and awareness"

It's scary tho. I've appeared a certain way to people for so long, and to just switch one day (be myself) is hard. I've been programmed to be something else. theres so much habit energy. Having been meditating for the past 8 months i can sense when it comes into me, the need to act for people, but it takes over me and i get lost in it.

For family, friends, and in relationships. Its there sometimes. and the thing is when im unconscious of this whole problem things run smoothly, but i dont want that, i want to be conscious of me breaking out of this mess. 

I know what I have to do. But I'm scared of the reality of it.

[WaterfallMachine]

Ah yes, it’s scary to be yourself. I’ve had problems with being open like that too, and the possibility and instances of rejection broke my heart many times.

To deal with fears, you need to take smaller steps. First, you need to achieve some acceptance towards yourself before looking for acceptance from others. You don’t need to do completely, as some stages of acceptance really require help from other people, but enough to ease you in to the process.

To accept, you need to be aware of your intentions, your thoughts, your emotions and what goals you really care most about in your life. Sometimes when you look for approval, you think you know what you want but you actually are mistaking other’s desires for yours. The next stage would be to have self compassion for yourself through things like self compassion meditation or exercises.

The next step is to find the easiest person or place to open up to. I think it’d be a good idea to research attachment theory if you haven’t so already for this. If you can trust just at least one person deeply — in real life or even online, then it’d be easier to trust people outside of those areas.

Take care.

 

Edited December 5, 2017 by WaterfallMachine

[Nahm]

@AdamDiC thinking engages the illusion, more thinking more worry. Meditation slows the thinking, consciousness shifts towards awareness. Identity shifts from human you, to the real you. If you want to be yourself all the time, it can only be the true self. Keep your meditation going daily. Whatever’s on your mind that’s blocking some of your ‘connection’ will surface. There must be something, maybe a pending outcome, that you’re overly concerned about, and holding onto a view that is not wanted.