Tips on how to build warm and positive friendships?

[BobbyLowell]

-Dos and donts

-how to find these people: a lot of people have a negative opinion of me, a lot of people see me as disinterested in people and hate me because I dont like to be around the negative forces but they dont know that

im a senior in high school

my friendships have a lot of bs (with a lot of ppl)in the past-do i work on fixing these which brings my confidence down or start again with new friendships although i do really like the connection with my old friends.

-how to stop getting low confidence like i dont deserve it when it starts going well

-i cuurectly do Nathaniel Brandens sentence completions, leos "I am completely independent of the positive or negative opinions of other people" affirmation and "I love being confident" affirmation

 

 

Thank you so much:) i have been strugglin

[BobbyLowell]

it does not seem possible or normal by any means for me to have a friend group or really good friends at school right now.

[Shin]

Start there:

https://lifehacker.com/how-to-move-past-the-superficial-and-build-deeper-frien-1685595122

https://tinybuddha.com/blog/7-ways-to-form-deep-meaningful-friendships/

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/wander-woman/201509/how-make-new-meaningful-friendship

 

[BobbyLowell]

thanks shin

[BobbyLowell]

ok i have read them. thanks

[Marinus]

@BobbyLowell In my experience openness, honesty and patience create result in a lot of trust and people open up very quickly. When you do this, you quickly notice which ones are trustworthy, at least I do.

Something to prevent is gossip or talking badly about others, in my cases the other people start with it and this way you notice their weak sides, which can be harmful, because people that gossip, probably gossip about you too. 

Even if you don't feel like you could be open, talk about things which won't harm you or make you feel vulnerable.

Eventually you'll find common ground or you won't. Th trick is being at the right place and time, staying at home for example wouldn't really help.

[Spiral]

@BobbyLowell For me the biggest positive changes in life, come when the people in my life changes completely. In other words you're kind of locked into a certain way until then, so learn new stuff and figure stuff out but you can't really embody it yet, because there is to much resistance, this is one of the reasons people say that you start to discover yourself in college(or at least after high school).

As per confidence you'll discover that achieving things big or small, will make you more confident. This could be as simple as staring new habits one at the time. As you get those down, you start to feel like you are worthy and able to get the good stuff in life. Start small, so that you know you can do it.

The thinks you can achieve in 6 months is rather amazing.

In high school, at least I was very limited in term of finding new people to hang out with, perhaps a new hobby or sport could do the trick?

[Matt8800]

I sense a negative view of most people.

The reason why many people love dogs is because dogs love people. Its the same with people. Individuals that have a natural love and empathy towards other people are usually very much liked by others. The world will reflect whatever you direct towards it.

1. I would recommend changing your nature using metta meditation (loving-kindness meditation). As someone that has a predisposition towards being anti-social, this has helped me change my attitude towards other people. 

2. Cut out people in your life that are negative. Gravitate towards people that are kind and positive. How could you continue having the same attitude towards others if you did this?

You get much farther in life being a likable person. Few people go out of their way to help someone that is unlikable.