What's your #1 single biggest challenge with the opposite sex right now?

[abgespaced]

And your answer is?

[Girzo]

Lack of hot girls to approach and deficiency of female friends. Possible solutions of this situation in my case are:

• moving to a city,
• starting education at the university,
• attend local events, like "foreign language lovers" coffee meetings,
• changing a status from friend to boyfriend material with cool girls I already know,
• going to the clubs more often,
• spending more time outside the house,
• ask some girl on the internet to learn with me to the end of high school exams.

None of which seem really appealing at this moment. I hope it helps you at least a little bit.

[Spiral]

It's not really my biggest challenge per say, but i don't think my biggest challenge is the kind of rabbit hole you want to delve into. Also this is probably applicable to a lot of people

The challenge: Finding common ground, outside carnal pleasures.

I'll elaborate more, let's imagine a guy who is completely new in the dating scene, a guy who's only hobbies are video games that wants to find a girlfriend. He will struggle because he probably does not  have anything in common with girls, sure there are some gamer-girls but let's say that he does not have any around him. What should he do in this case, if his life is all about video games what can he talk about or do together to even get to the dating stage, or even worse on the date.   

He can learns pickup and use "practical tricks" to get the girl anyway, but that doesn't really solve the problem, because he still don't have anything in common and so it's unlikely to last. 

For me personally, most of my female relationships be it friendly or not, at some point boils down to carnal pleasures and if so it generally only last until we get bored or we find someone else.

So to wrap up, this is a problem for both genders, regardless of how good you are with the opposite gender.

 

 

Edited December 2, 2017 by Spiral

[Girzo]

@Spiral True, but it can be easily fixed. You just go out and have fun together. We are all humans and there's always a plenty of topics that almost everyone can relate, like taking a shit kind of jokes or age-related activities like studying at school or finding a job. Common hobbies are not a must-have in my opinion. I see a possibilty that I would become interested in what my hipothetical girlfriend is doing, just because it's she who is doing this. And I think this can work mutually.

But I totally feel you. I would actually like to have a girlfriend who is into spirituality, psychedelics, marketing and the same age as me - more than a casual girlfriend I just have fun with and as you say carnal pleasures.

[Shroomdoctor]

1 minute ago, Girzo said:

But I totally feel you. I would actually like to have a girlfriend who is into spirituality, psychedelics, marketing and the same age as me - more than a casual girlfriend I just have fun with and as you say carnal pleasures.

The Holy Grail.  

[Spiral]

@Girzo  Look i'm not saying it's impossible to spend to time together, I've had a couple girlfriends in the past and a have a few female friends right now. I mean a problem long term, it's fine the first few months, because you are getting to know each other, but you can't barely spend 10 hours talking about for instance "studying at school" or "finding a job" it feel even less relevant if you studying different things or already have a job. I mean do you really care about what specifically she did at work today?

Imagine you spend 9 hours a week together and how fast you'll exhaust topics like that.

And yes that kind of girl is great, but really rare

 

[Girzo]

@Spiral Yes, that's why I have added a part about inevitably becoming interested in each other's hobbies. Maybe I have phrased it badly in a previous post.

If you really care about a person you will eventually become interested in what she is interested in, and it works both ways. So as long as your hobbies are not totally lame and boring, and you are passionate about them, I think they don't have to be the same.

[Lorcan]

I have only made minor attempts at trying to get a girlfriend. Mainly it was to practice my talking with skills on women I am not to attracted to.

The population of my school is small. Around 350-500 students. Divided into 6 years groups categorized by age. I am in year 5. Year 4 is optional in my school.

There is not many pretty girls in my school. There is only 10 girls roughly I find aestically attractive.

The ideal girl for me is someone who is driven to be a revolutionary, to persue enlightening and rasing the consciousness of mankind. A girl who is playful, but driven.Shows intelligence, ability to grasp complex concepts such as what Leo discusses.A girl who is into actualizing and self improvement. 

These type of girls. From my perceptions. Do not exist in my school. (They might exist, but from what my senses have gathered from 3 and half year now attending the school, this is not the case.)

 

I want to ask out a girl a find particularly attractive. I have no no idea what these girls talk about. I will have to learn.

My friend advises me not to ask out girls during lunch break. My friend has shifted dozens of girls but has not yet had a girlfriend.

He says that if I want a girlfriend. If I ask a girl out during lunch break or school hours, I will make a fool of myself, and that I should ask girls out at house partys and outside of school hours.

I have two opportunitys to talk to the girl who is number one on my list during school hours. A small 5 minute window of time during maths class and at lunch (45 minutes)

What should I do? Just start talking? I feel like I would have better chances if I wait. As I improve myself (which I am). I will become more attractive, my body will look stronger, I will become more confident, and then, I am less likely to get rejected. (Although, it does not really matter)

 

 

 

 

 

[Lorcan]

In my country, at least , in my school. It is very much a whore culture. Very few actually become boyfriend/girlfriends with each other

My friend explained how the whole things works in my school, and it blew my mind how shallow it was.

Guys and girls meet up at house partys. Guys ask to kiss and grab the ass of girls they find attractive, the girls say yes. After the party, the guys and girls exchange snapchat. Text for 2 weeks, and then everyone is on to the next male or female.

Pure chimpery.

I am not expecting anything deep and meaningful.(If does get deep and meaningful, then thats a bonus, but very unlikely) I just need to practice my skills with talking to girls, and while I am at it. Why not try the ones who I find the best looking?(The most difficult to try get)

 

So. Seeing the circumstances of the type of culture I am.

I reckon being flirtiously agressive would be a good way to go.

What do you think? Should I start flirting with her from the first interaction?

I have asked a few girls at the request of my friends how good-looking I am from 1-10. They all said I am average looking. My friends so I am average looking. So I do not really have any trouble in the looks department. I have a british accent that stands out from everyone elses voices in the school (Irish accents). I create occasional humor among the class. A lot of people in my year know I want to be a revolutionary. I gave a speech about my life purpose in one of my free business classes when asked.

What should I do?

[Marinus]

My biggest challenge is understanding this girl I like. She rejected me and my theory is that she was afraid of losing me as a good friend (her friends are toxic and live in her home town far away from her). My confession was probably out of the blue, because I had trouble showing interest, because of my lack of experience with girls. She is also 2,5 years older and this could have been an issue, because she feels old around our peers at college. I discovered that she is very honest in what she says, so I saw a possibility to get together in the future. My struggle was neediness and obsession (thinking about her).

After I decide to be friends things changed. I focus on having fun and being funny for my own sake. I got very flirty which is natural to me if I don't want to impress girls. So last Friday I ended up at her place and we play wrestled for 4 HOURS, which was very hot. Even after this I still have doubts about her intentions and this is my biggest struggle. It's probably just all in my head and she probably like me, but my mind creates all these excuses which is kind of annoying.

Also my lack of experience makes it difficult to move it to the next level, but time will help me I guess.

[LaucherJunge]

Most girls that I have been into so far usually had weak boundries towards guys who are very offensive in flirting with them in front of everyone, which then always turns me off alot and makes me avoid them more and more.

[Lorcan]

1 hour ago, LaucherJunge said:

Most girls that I have been into so far usually had weak boundries towards guys who are very offensive in flirting with them in front of everyone, which then always turns me off alot and makes me avoid them more and more.

Elaborate on this.

What do you mean that most girls you have been into have weak boundries to guys who flirt agressively.

What boundry are you talking about? Does the girl get up-set? You says it turns YOU off? In what way do they react to your agressive flirting that it turns YOU off?

 

Edited December 3, 2017 by Lorcan

[LaucherJunge]

@Lorcan
I mean guys who for example just randomly touch girls all the time, come very close to them, simply are very offensively flirting. A girl with weak boundries will let those guys do that to her, even if she is not interested at all or thinks they are a jerk. I would expect her to keep the distance from such guys or kind of talk them down. I myself am not at all like that, for me it needs time to take steps towards her, I need a kind of build up. Now when during this build up of tension between us she lets someone come close to her like that without defending herself that is very unattractive for me and makes me avoid her.

Edited December 3, 2017 by LaucherJunge

[Hardkill]

Maybe it’s all a number’s game and status 

[Ayilton]

On 12/2/2017 at 1:32 PM, Spiral said:

It's not really my biggest challenge per say, but i don't think my biggest challenge is the kind of rabbit hole you want to delve into. Also this is probably applicable to a lot of people

The challenge: Finding common ground, outside carnal pleasures.

I'll elaborate more, let's imagine a guy who is completely new in the dating scene, a guy who's only hobbies are video games that wants to find a girlfriend. He will struggle because he probably does not  have anything in common with girls, sure there are some gamer-girls but let's say that he does not have any around him. What should he do in this case, if his life is all about video games what can he talk about or do together to even get to the dating stage, or even worse on the date.   

He can learns pickup and use "practical tricks" to get the girl anyway, but that doesn't really solve the problem, because he still don't have anything in common and so it's unlikely to last. 

For me personally, most of my female relationships be it friendly or not, at some point boils down to carnal pleasures and if so it generally only last until we get bored or we find someone else.

So to wrap up, this is a problem for both genders, regardless of how good you are with the opposite gender.

 

 

I like the point you made  ! But regardless you still have the responsibility to influence the girl and kinda make things work 

[Principium Nexus]

My #1 challenge is to fully comprehend as a man what a women needs. Being empatic and able to place you in their shoes will solve all problems. If you can think like them and show you that you can always provide what she needs then this is very attractive. 

As males we are born to be strong and independent, and learn to shield our emotions, often becomming foreign to them. This is also a problem because we get worse in reading subtle emotions of others.

These subtle emotions is where it is ALL at for women. The subtleness and intimacy is what they want, if a male is being numb or shielding all his emotions it is hard to make a connection.

If you learn how to feel, listen and place yourself in the opposite sex, all your relations will improve. Sex will improve, coherence, attraction and reliability.

Work on it!

[njuufa]

My #1 challenge with opposite sex is to express myself sexually - I'm lacking of it So well that I can use right amount on a right time and place for reaching her proper way. Most of woman don't even pay attention to it, so its not that important to them. But when I met woman who is mature, sent from heaven,  who will knock me down. They want it , they need it, as much as I do. But because of lack of awareness we sometimes miss this feature. I want to know all the features about myself and her. For more colorful relationships. Maybe someone has a book or few techniques to share, to help me improve and have even more amazing relationships.  

Thanks,

 

[Shin]

The fact that I don't know for sure what is my opposite sex ... 

[Spiral]

@Ayilton I should work on making the relationship work, yes but shouldn't try to change the other person. 

I can offer them advice and guidance when they want it, but I can't make them like things they don't. 

Say I really like tennis but she does not, I can force her to like it.

My ex for instance only liked  to go on walks and cuddle/ have sex, otherwise all her hobbies were the type you do alone or that I had no interest in like: French literature. She was great on paper otherwise kind, caring and so on. But I do want a little more the cuddles/sex and walks.

Edited December 8, 2017 by Spiral

[Lorcan]

3 hours ago, brovakhiin said:

@Lorcan What do you mean "whore-culture"? Sounds like you're slut-shaming and I would advise you to drop that paradigm asap, it's even more chimpish that the chimpery you're hating on. Thank god for girls who still have the balls to express their natural sexuality in today's beta, hollywood society.

You're not gonna find that deep meaningful connection, don't look. Instead, meet girls, improve your social skills, learn how to be a cool and fun guy even if the topic of conversation is superficial. Who cares.

And lastly, really doesn't matter what you talk about with girls. For girls, it's not about the content, or the logic, it's about the emotions. What you talk about doesn't matter, but are you taling about it with passion? Enthusiasm? Expressing and vibing? Spiking her emotions? That's where it's at.

 

There is no shame.

in short I meant: Everyone shags everyone in my school and relationships last for very short periods. Therefore trying to get a relationship that has more depth and will last a considerably longer duration is going to be considerably more difficult.

I do not have a problem with people expressing their libido.

Yes. I should not have called it "pure-chimpery" or refer to it as Chimpery. Sometimes I let my impulses get ahead of what I actually want to say. Which takes patience.

 

Edited December 10, 2017 by Lorcan