My First Experience of LSD. November 27th 2017

[nexusoflife]

This is my recount of my first experience with LSD. I would like to begin by saying that I felt a level of stress in my life before I took this substance. I felt that all of society was constantly conspiring against my growth and development as a human being heading towards self-actualization. I awoke before 7 a.m. in the morning and I retrieved my LSD. For this trip I would not have a trip sitter available so I was on my own, however I have done high dose psychedelics from a nondual perspective in the past and thus I felt confident in my set and setting. I had four LSD tabs. I tested the tabs the day before using the Erlich testing reagent and they all registered as authentic Lysergic acid diethylamide. I cleared my room of anything that could potentially be damaged or that I might accidentally hurt myself with. I listened to Gregorian chants for about five minutes and began to meditate. I turned off all technology around me. After this I looked at the tabs of LSD and said, “I will go wherever you take me with grace”. I then placed the four tabs underneath my tongue and meditated at the edge of my bed. After what felt like 20 to 30 minutes the tabs dissolved and I swallowed them.                                                                                                                   

Shortly after this I felt the first effects begin to take place. It felt as if all of the nerves just beneath my skin were warmed up by the substance. My mind while in a calm and meditative state became hyperaware of my surroundings. The mind asked questions such as will I be safe without a trip sitter? I slowly began to pass out as the LSD entered my serotonergic system. The LSD assured me that I would be safe. Then I saw a fractal energetic alien looking figure that said, “Ok, let’s get this started.” Next the ego structure melted. My body began to move in the bilateral yoga positions that Martin Ball talks about. My body contorted into positions which normally I couldn’t do. I had experienced this strange phenomenon before with psilocybin mushrooms. On the level of sensory perception I experienced something extremely strange. It was as if my senses began to meld into each other. No longer could I distinctly hear, see, smell, taste, or feel anything independently of each other. I smelled sensations, and heard colors, as insane as that sounds. My entire body was almost vibrating from the amount of nervous system stimulation that it was receiving.  Notably, for what seemed like quite a while, my hands began to move in very odd ways and  preformed a very strange type of sign language which was completely out of my control. It was as if the LSD had possessed my body and was trying to see how it could guide me similar to my psilocybin trip. Throughout most of the trip the mind was constantly making comparisons and drawing parallels my prior mushroom trip. However unlike psilocybin the lysergic acid diethylamide was much more lenient as a substance as the curious ego structure was not ever abruptly silenced. The nature of this substance in my opinion was a bit more lucid and exploratory than other psychedelics that I had experienced.      

After this my body passed out for a second time. My ego structure was further dissolved and my consciousness/awareness was sent to a place far outside of space and time. It was at this point that I was shown the infinity of existence. I am completely lacking in the vocabulary necessary to convey exactly what I experienced but I will do my best.  My consciousness/awareness came to a place where it was shown the World of Form from an objective viewpoint. All of creation was seen as an Absolute Infinity in every way. I saw the infinite ever changing fractal nature of existence. My awareness was transported to other places across the world of form as well.  I was shown what I can only describe as organic computers. These spiritual machines several millions of orders of magnitude more powerful than even the most advanced human quantum computers today. I also saw what I would call energetic crystal architecture. I distinctly remember a palace of sorts it looked like a cathedral and Hindu temple made of pure crystalline light. It was beyond beautiful. It was in complete harmony with the ecology of its setting.                                                                                                                                                                                    

Fractals were everywhere and in everything. During this experience the ego wished to revisit the Akashic Records that it had seen before from the psilocybin; however the LSD conveyed that it’s all an Absolute Infinity, even the Akashic Records containing all of the knowledge in the multiverse are only an infinitesimally small part of the Absolute Infinity of existence.  At this point the experience became chaotic as I lived the lives of countless organisms. The stories of entire lives were experienced in immeasurably short lengths of time.  The mind was racing at the sheer amount of stimulation from the experience. Then the most amazing part of the experience occurred. I will do my best to describe this using the limits of language I was shown existence from outside of existence. I saw the totality of the infinity of existence as incomprehensibly beautiful and profoundly complex infinite fractals. Each fractal was an infinite layer of novelty. I began to hear this extremely strange yet beautiful “cosmic music”, the music of infinity. This music still played until I went to sleep that night. I learned that reality is infinite to such a degree that it cannot be anything else.                                                                                                                 

My awareness returned to my body but was different. At this point I was still tripping extremely heavily. My entire field of vision was almost completely immersed in intricate morphing fractals of beauty. The state of awareness of my mind was very different.  I began to gesture to smoke an imaginary blunt. Each time I took a hit from this nonexistent blunt my awareness became more and more aligned, aware and existential. Next, what happened was extremely beautiful. After about three hits from the imaginary blunt I began to speak in a voice that was not my own. It was as if the consciousness of the totality of existence began to speak through me. I had a dialogue with God. My mind would think thoughts and the body would reply verbally, channeling the message of this unity consciousness. I began to speak words that were not my own. It was as if the voice of God (being the infinity of existence) entered my entire being. God told me the following things using my body as a vector to relay.                                                                                                                                                                                  

“Reality is an absolute infinity.”                                                                                                                                                

“The way your species is living on this planet doesn’t make any sense. You’re causing so much suffering. This earth is all we’ve got. We don’t have any way of moving out and even if we did wed just severely damage another planet.”                                                                                                                                                 

“All of reality is infinite and everything is simply various forms which I use to experience existence and express myself and that’s really it, now you can do whatever you want with that.”                                               

“ It’s all an absolute infinity!”                                                                                                                                     

“Everything in all of the totality of existence is an absolute infinity in every way. “I really don’t know how I can make it any more apparent to you.”              

“It’s infinite to such a degree that its infinity to the infinite root of infinity.”                                                         

“As long as you know that it’s all one you’ll be ok.”                                                                                                 

“Everything is going to be alright.”

“You really don’t have anything to worry about young man. You’re on the right track. Stop rushing. That’s fear.”                                                                                           

“ Fear is illusory.”                                                                                                                                                                            

“Don’t hold yourself back. I don’t hang out with people that hold themselves back, man!”          

“Really after all we’ve been through, after all the species has been through, you’re really gonna hold yourself back?” At this point I started crying, the mind realized the huge amount of suffering that it has caused itself over the course of its 20 years of life.                                                                                                                     

“Enough with the excuses, no more excuses, stop holding yourself back.”                                  

“You’re writing a book. That’s good.”                                                                                                                                     

“ All life wants to express itself in every way possible. All lifeforms are expressions and express themselves as fully as they possibly can.”                                                                                                                                    

“If you’re going to do something, do it at your all because it’s an expression of life. Put all of your love, effort and energy into it. Anything less is not worthy of you or authentic of what you are capable of.”                                                                                                                                                                              

“Sometimes you’re not gonna have enough money but you’ll always make it through. You’re not gonna kill yourself that’s a no go.”                                                                                                                                                               

“If we mess up here on earth we are going to mess up there too.”                                                    

“You’re free to do what you want.”                                                                                                                        

I conveyed to God my fears and insecurities regarding being social and vulnerable with other people. I also explained how even though my views of sexuality are by no means conservative that I still have subconscious thoughts which label various parts of the human sexual experience as negative or ugly.  For this I felt ashamed of it. God replied “How’s that bad?! The intricacies of sexuality are just another part of the infinity of existence.”                                               

“You need to lighten up!”                                                                                                                                          

God also addressed my anxieties regarding sex both as it relates to me on an individual and how it relates to the collective.

“You need to have sex. Sex opens you up. It opens your heart.” After this was said, all of the small amount of negativity that I associated with being a virgin left me.

“Choose the way that equates to the most openness, love, life and full expression.” Love equates to openness. At this point my awareness was abruptly transported outside of physical existence again and I saw what I can only describe as an Infinite  energetic fractal torus of everything. It was as if God said, “look at that! That’s the perfection of everything flowing freely. This is what you are. You are an energetic free flowing being. You are infinity. You are a microcosm of the macrocosm. Whenever you dwell in fear or doubt you block this ever present flow of energy within yourself. You deny me. But most of all you deny yourself.” I was also told things about the power of the placebo effect. However I do not remember exactly what was said.

“What will it take for you to live the life that you know you can live?!”                                                                   

“You’re divine yet you live in shit hmm how’d that happen? (Referring to the human species)                   

“Because you doubted me. Because you live in fear. Because you believe in the illusion of separation. The illusion of duality.”                                                           

"There is only the infinite trans-temporal eternal pregnant present moment, of infinite possibility. What your species calls time, time does not exist.”                                                                                                                              

After this the dialogue ended. I went into a different trance like state where a menagerie of glossolalia came from me. I spoke in words which sounded very similar to Tibetan throat singing. It felt amazing. I passed out again shortly after this. My awareness was shown the intricacies of energy and food systems, being that they are systems of transactions and that life is about balance in every way. This also relates to life and death.                                                                                   

After some time my awareness returned to my body and the ego structure somewhat reformed. The strange sensations all over my body were so pervasive that I thought I had soiled myself however I did not. My body was covered in sweat. The come down portion of the experience began. It had been roughly seven hours since I had ingested the lysergic acid diethylamide.  I looked towards my bookshelf and was intensely drawn to The power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. As I looked through the pages of the book fractals still immersed my vision however I could still derive information from its pages. I felt so grateful as a looked at the book.  It then came to me that life is all about sex, ecology and spirituality. I put down The Power of Now and looked at my bookshelf again this time at the book Sex, Ecology, Spirituality by Ken Wilber. I went to get the book however I knew that If I picked it up it would have been too much of an emotional overload for me and I would have had a release or break of some sort. I spent a few minutes after this and explored the various books on my shelf.  Afterwards I sat for a bit and simply looked at the many fractals in my visual field. A voice came to me saying that, “Everything is divine.”                                                                    

“Existence is here for you. Now go experience it!”

I then turned on my phone and listened to the sounds of the Didgeridoo instrument and listened to ambient music. This added a level of intensity to the experience.  When I looked at the sheets on my bed I was what I can only describe as tribal art, in action. The hallucinations looked like the cave paintings in France had become fully animated on the sheets of my bed. I was very introspective; my mind was racing with thoughts however I paid them no attention. My hands were still moving in this strange sign language fashion. As time passed I walked around my home and I thought to myself, “this is the quintessential psychedelic experience, most of those pieces of psychedelic art that I’ve seen were inspired by this very experience.” I now understood why LSD played such a large part during the 1960s.                         

I began to look out of the window to my backyard. I watched the trees; grass and sky all begin to morph into several fractals. As I looked outside I saw a squirrel scurrying around in my backyard. As I looked at this squirrel it too began to morph into fractals. At this point I realized that I was not looking at a squirrel but at a reflection of myself and the infinity of existence. I felt a love that I cannot describe, for humans do not have the language for it. The feeling of Absolute Oneness and Absolute Infinity was so much that my mind could not take it anymore. I completely broke down and began to cry extremely emotionally. Tears flowed like waterfalls down my face and I couldn’t believe that this was real. That I was real, that life was a thing, that both you and I are absolutely ONE.                 

After this the mind began to calm. My brother returned home a bit after this and asked me if I was OK. When I explained what I had just experienced he knew that I needed some time to process the experience. As the LSD experience continued to come down I spoke to a few friends that came over. While they are recreational users they were supportive of what I experienced even though they did not understand. Fractals were still present roughly nine hours after I took the substance however it felt good to be able to converse about the experience. I went to the bathroom after this, and looking at myself I realized that my body and that the bodies of all living things are organic architecture.                                     

The effects continued to dissipate. I had a mild headache however it was nothing intense.  The rest of the day was spent in a state of happiness. I spoke to myself and danced around my room like a crazy person. The effects of the LSD finally wore off after over twelve hours in total. Even after the LSD effects dissipated, my physical body felt different and still feels different. My mind feels different as well. I am already in good physical shape however, I feel much lighter and more agile than I ever have. These are the main things that LSD taught me. Everything is Absolutely Infinite. I need to lighten up as a person and stop being so serious about self-actualization and enlightenment. In closing I would like to say that this experience helped me to work through some very personal stuff and I am grateful to have had this experience. I am a forever changed person.

This video gives a good representation of what my glossolalia was like.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HwANedEkqaY

While I can't convey what I experienced when I say absolute infinity this may help. Play and mute this video of fractals while listening to the song below.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w7-iyyR-iSg

In another tab play this song and skip to about 2:15, listen to it at 0.75 speed.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z685qqdv3zk

This is the best recreation that I can provide of the most intense and strange part of the experience.

Edited December 1, 2017 by nexusoflife

[Richard Alpert]

Nice one.

4 tabs? How many micrograms in one?

[Nahm]

@nexusoflife What a share! Thanks! ❤️? and....I wanna read that book when it’s done!

[nexusoflife]

@Richard Alpert Thanks for taking the time to read it all. Each tab had roughly 100 micrograms on it. So this profound experience was the result of a 400 microgram ingestion.

[Leo Gura]

@nexusoflife Good work! Welcome to reality

[Elephant]

2 hours ago, nexusoflife said:

@Richard Alpert  So this profound experience was the result of a 400 microgram ingestion.

Holy fuck, I took around 30ug the first time and I felt like a saint haha;) Have you done other psychedelics than LSD?

[nexusoflife]

@Elephant I have done other psychedelics.

I have  tripped from 1 gram of cannabis. 

 

I have also done 5 dried grams of mushrooms as well. 

 

 

Edited December 2, 2017 by nexusoflife

[nexusoflife]

@Leo Gura Thanks Leo. I would not have come this far in my journey of consciousness growth without your videos.

[nexusoflife]

@Nahm Thanks for reading it. It will be a while before i'm finished with the book. Currently around 300 pages into writing it so far, still much more to go. I feel like it's an integral part of my life purpose to spread information to people.

[nexusoflife]

@sweater Can you please elaborate on this? I'd like to know which part of my trip report caused you to come to this conclusion.

[Nahm]

@nexusoflife That’s great! 

[Martin123]

9 hours ago, nexusoflife said:

I smelled sensations, and heard colors, as insane as that sounds.

My friend told me about synesthesia on LSD, she has it but I thought she just meant intensified sensory experience. Now I get it!

 

holy shit man that was some tril you had! In the middle of it you totally scared my ego!

Wow...

[Space]

11 hours ago, nexusoflife said:

After about three hits from the imaginary blunt I began to speak in a voice that was not my own. It was as if the consciousness of the totality of existence began to speak through me. I had a dialogue with God. My mind would think thoughts and the body would reply verbally, channeling the message of this unity consciousness. I began to speak words that were not my own. It was as if the voice of God (being the infinity of existence) entered my entire being. God told me the following things using my body as a vector to relay.

 

Sounds very similar to the book I'm reading at the moment called 'Conversations With God' by Neale Walsch. 

[Richard Alpert]

10 hours ago, nexusoflife said:

@Richard Alpert Thanks for taking the time to read it all. Each tab had roughly 100 micrograms on it. So this profound experience was the result of a 400 microgram ingestion.

Hey, from the trip report, do you feel that god was speaking to you or intelligence was speaking through you?

From my personal experience i find it always the to be the latter, but i havent have full blown experience where i visit other places.

 

[Dodo]

@nexusoflife

If God's creation doubts God, who's to blame? 

God is really getting on my nerves, only talks to people who take drugs... Has no power over the Ego it seems... It seems the Ego is stronger if it can silence God and plunge God into non existence. 

What I want is for me to not exist, but God has created a reality where you never get what you want if it's positive, and always get what you want if it's negative. Funny.

Edited December 2, 2017 by Dodo

[nexusoflife]

@sweater There is no you to be enlightened. When it occurs you'll know, there wont be any doubt. I'm sorry that you had a negative experience with cannabis. Being that cannabis is a mild psychedelic it definitely has the potential to mess with your mind. If it helps at all i always do psychedelics from a nondual perspective and combine it with meditation. I have a trip report from my experience with cannabis, I hope that it may be able to help you.

 

[nexusoflife]

@Space Exactly! I have read the first book in the series and after the experience I thought to myself the very same thing. That presence is always with us. However it usually takes a deep meditative or psychedelic experience to open the gateway for a direct contact with the unity of existence.

[Viking]

17 hours ago, nexusoflife said:

This video gives a good representation of what my glossolalia was like.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HwANedEkqaY

 

 

17 hours ago, nexusoflife said:

In another tab play this song and skip to about 2:15, listen to it at 0.75 speed.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z685qqdv3zk

 

lmao they go so well with each other

[nexusoflife]

@Richard Alpert That's a good question. If you have ever read the book 'Conversations with God' by Neale Walsch? If so, that is what I felt happened. My own intelligence even if it was subconscious could not create the responses which came forth during this experience. All in all it was very strange. Perhaps it was a combination of both. 

[Nexeternity]

@nexusoflife  Thanks so much for doing your trips and sharing them, they are really inspiring.  Thanks for the Mongolian Overtone Singer share, fell in love with it.