Obsession With Beauty

[LolaRoge]

To make your hair look perfect you should look for new hairstyles everytime, I think.

It's more interesting and also easier with  http://therighthairstyles.com

[Kelley White]

On 2/25/2016 at 8:43 AM, Natura Sonoris said:

Now for starters, the real problem here is that all the tips and tricks that people tell you wont work for you because you are not aware how your mind is fucking you. If you can trust me i can help you get rid off it in long term. This wont happen over night, over 1 month or even 1 year, but when you start doing and as time passes by, you will see more and more things bubble up. When you reach 1 year point, you will know most common traps and pitfalls how your mind is constructed to trick you and pull you into bullshit. In order for you to be able to resonate with something else than yourself, i will share you my story. The reason why i do it is because i am aware how you mind will behave upfront when it starts talking to itself. It will keep you trapped because you are not aware how currently in control of everything you do with you having little chance to break it thru its web of bullshit.

@Natura Sonoris I just found this to be so truthful. 

On 2/24/2016 at 9:29 AM, Helge said:

I am addicted to beauty

@Helge Bravo!  That is the hugest step right there! 

Lets talk about what we are really talking about here...objectification.   Western countries are saturated with it.   It is natural for us to want to have beauty around us, its healthy actually.   Of course we want to be attractive.  That's evolution.  Does it impair your functioning? 

Are your friends a good measure?  Are you addicted?  Is it OCD?  I don't know?  I'm asking.   Is it beauty you are addicted to or being unattractive you are fearing?  Again...I don't know I'm asking?

On 2/24/2016 at 9:29 AM, Helge said:

Have you any advice how to overcome insecurities and stop caring how I look like?

Meds/no meds; Therapy/no therapy:  My default, when in doubt check with a licensed professional and go from there.   No right or wrong. 

I know both men and women with body dysmorphic issues.   Beauty and culture seem to have strong links as well.   Having worked in retail ready to wear and the fashion industry I can assure you most folks have something about themselves they feel insecure about.

These insecurities can come from numerous experiences.

On 2/24/2016 at 9:46 AM, Emerald Wilkins said:

Here are some questions for you to ask:

-Do I want to be attractive, to attract a mate? If so, that makes sense. Do you feel inadequate for that person, if you are deemed unattractive? This could be fear of rejection. Then explore your past and feeling regarding fear of rejection.

-If it doesn't have to do with attracting a particular person and you just want to be attractive in general, ask yourself why. Why is it good to be attractive? What value does it hold for you?

-Do you have any fantasies relative to others finding you attractive? If so, what happens in the fantasy? How do people react to you in the fantasy?

-Do you want social approval for being attractive? If so, what kind?

-What is your perception of unattractive people? Do you think it makes them less worthy of some sort of attention?

-Describe to yourself your self-image and ideal persona.

When you inquire into these questions, it can reveal a lot to you about your own insecurities. Most are based upon unconscious attitudes and beliefs that you hold about yourself and others.

@Emerald Wilkins Love this inquiry process, I've used it myself.

 

On 2/24/2016 at 9:48 AM, AHappyTeddyBear said:

First World Problems....Anyone ?

@AHappyTeddyBear, I don't by observation find this truthful.  Sam Harris does an eloquent job of pointing out how some eastern cultures can objectify with covering in the same fashion that Western cultures can objectify with uncovering.  Beauty, issues related to cultural perceptions of beauty are global by my observation even in indigenous cultures.  

I do however agree that if you frame it in the context of assuming that a non first world country would have more challenges of a higher priority, gratitude can get you beyond just about any situation in a pinch.

On 2/24/2016 at 1:46 PM, Natasha said:

 Check out Leo's 'Using Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs to Self Actualize', 'How to Stop Judging Yourself', and 'How We Lie'. Those are great resources to help you change perspective.

@Natasha, I agree there is good information in both of these videos.

 

On 2/25/2016 at 0:06 PM, Helge said:

But later when we went to school, suddenly he just wanted to be with the 'cool kids'. He didn't want to be around me anymore and when I was around him he made fun of me and tried to antagonize everyone against me. I felt so so hurt and cut him out of my life. But after that I couldn't find a new best friend, I just couldn't have a deep relationship again even though I wanted it... So after that when someone bullied me and told me that I was ugly I felt really hurt because I felt alone, unsupported and weak.

@Helge, I feel you on this one.  I can remember being told I was ugly most of my elementary and junior high school "time."    I actually paid for modeling school at 14 to figure out if I was really ugly.   It's awesome you can identify some of the early sources.   I wish you the best of luck with this.   It sounds like you are already making progress.

[AHappyTeddyBear]

3 hours ago, Kelley White said:

@Natura Sonoris I just found this to be so truthful. 

@Helge Bravo!  That is the hugest step right there! 

Lets talk about what we are really talking about here...objectification.   Western countries are saturated with it.   It is natural for us to want to have beauty around us, its healthy actually.   Of course we want to be attractive.  That's evolution.  Does it impair your functioning? 

Are your friends a good measure?  Are you addicted?  Is it OCD?  I don't know?  I'm asking.   Is it beauty you are addicted to or being unattractive you are fearing?  Again...I don't know I'm asking?

Meds/no meds; Therapy/no therapy:  My default, when in doubt check with a licensed professional and go from there.   No right or wrong. 

I know both men and women with body dysmorphic issues.   Beauty and culture seem to have strong links as well.   Having worked in retail ready to wear and the fashion industry I can assure you most folks have something about themselves they feel insecure about.

These insecurities can come from numerous experiences.

@Emerald Wilkins Love this inquiry process, I've used it myself.

 

@AHappyTeddyBear, I don't by observation find this truthful.  Sam Harris does an eloquent job of pointing out how some eastern cultures can objectify with covering in the same fashion that Western cultures can objectify with uncovering.  Beauty, issues related to cultural perceptions of beauty are global by my observation even in indigenous cultures.  

I do however agree that if you frame it in the context of assuming that a non first world country would have more challenges of a higher priority, gratitude can get you beyond just about any situation in a pinch.

@Natasha, I agree there is good information in both of these videos.

 

@Helge, I feel you on this one.  I can remember being told I was ugly most of my elementary and junior high school "time."    I actually paid for modeling school at 14 to figure out if I was really ugly.   It's awesome you can identify some of the early sources.   I wish you the best of luck with this.   It sounds like you are already making progress.

Im so fucking tired of those mental illnesses everyone is having and posting on here because they have never gone through real suffering, pain and were so fucking spoiled as kids. FFS if you seek help for something like this then I just know that this person drifts through life like pieces of fuckign shit. Wonder why 3rd World Countries never have these problems?  THEY DONT. And they only exist in westerner countries ? Much like cancer and that other shit that came from fast food and various other things. We just get so spoiled that ppl become complete freaking pussys. Every Individual has an ability to restrict his mind and not go further. maybe this person just needs a good fucking beating so she gets her consciousness back and realisez how much of a fuckign kid she is. GROW UP. How the fuck are any of you even taking this serious, its still mindfucking me to this fucking day. Just stop with your neurotic behaviours and stop beign a total cu** mate. thats my advice for this spoiled kid. <------------------ Pls go ahead and hate me all you want now  

[Key Elements]

Don't allow others to put any labels on you - it doesn't matter beauty or not. There is a saying, "Labels are for canned foods." I've been labeled a "religious person" just because I looked into Leo's enlightenment clips and looked at two "different religions." Labels are ridiculous. It's not you.

In real life, find friends who will accept you as you are and not put any labels on you. Try to find out who they are first before you call them friends. Watch out for labels, esp those who have no idea of who you are and constantly labels. Try to let go of the people who are not important in your life. Cut off people who are toxic. (From experience, the most toxic ppl are the ones who like to label and gossip about you and/or your family. This includes all family members, including in-laws.)

As for loved ones such as family members, try to be as independent and detached from them as much as possible if they label, even if you're living under the same roof, but still love them unconditionally. Leo talked about detachment as having no one to fulfill your needs-it is the ultimate attractiveness-check out the clip. I'm talking like this about the family because in the end for most people, it is the family who will help you when you need it the most, not a friend. There are exceptions - the friends who help are called BFFs or family friends. They are extremely rare, so be careful who you put in this category. 

Edited March 3, 2016 by Key Elements

[xXxXx]

On 25.2.2016 at 10:27 PM, Natura Sonoris said:

Can you see our relationship to your surroundings, for example , your mother , your girlfriend and lets say dog, that all you know about them is actually is what is inside your mind ? Really have deep thought about it. Everything you know about your girlfriend, her every word, every moment, they way you see her is being influenced based on past experiences and beliefs.  

So my point and prepare because this is real mind fuck , when you see your girlfriend, your mother, or a dog or whatever, you are actually only seeing you  It is just illusion that you are seeing someone else. So when you have a argument with let's say girlfriend and you have a fight... you both for example have different views on each other. You both see yourself in each other which means that you cant deal with some part of identity that you recognize in each other. 

If you hate someone or smt, it is just you have one part of your personality. And now for the most important part. If you now realized that when you see other people, you actually only see you, do you see how really important is how you see yourself ? If you see yourself as someone who cant be loved, how you expect the part of you see in other person love you ?  

This.. is deep stuff, thanks for sharing!

[Anlib]

Look at Leo's recent video. The solutionis not to make yourself more beautiful, it is to look deep in to yourself and past to see what emotionall trigger is there in the first place, that makes you obsess about it. 

 

My guess is that it comes from a relational trauma wich can be very subtle. Look at what your parent's values are. Do they think it's important, if so, try to distance yourself psycologically from your parents and try to see them from a diffrent angle.

 

[Key Elements]

@AHappyTeddyBear

I could totally understand what you're saying. Except, I believe, "1st and 3rd Worlds" would probably not be the terms to describe it. Many "3rd Worlds" are now "1st Worlds," but many people are not aware of this.

The terms would be Group vs Individualistic stages of the Graves model. It ends in a group stage (notice that? turquoise?). Have you ever heard of the saying, "it takes a village to raise a child?" In other words, it takes more than mom's and dad's efforts to raise a child properly - to be "world class citizens" and serve humanity - to be balanced and capable of doing this. If a child let's say grows up in a society where there is a lot of crime, or there is more than a 50% divorce rate, then the parents/family members have to try extra hard to guide their children. Family (especially) and society are critical to a child's development. 

Edited March 3, 2016 by Key Elements

[Kelley White]

On 3/2/2016 at 10:25 PM, AHappyTeddyBear said:

Im so fucking tired of those mental illnesses everyone is having and posting on here because they have never gone through real suffering, pain and were so fucking spoiled as kids.

Hi @AHappyTeddyBear

Thank you so much for responding.  No one's going to hate you. LOL 

So aforementioned statement?  Is this really truthful?  Is it truthful that "everyone" (all or nothing) is having/posting here "because they have never gone through real suffering, pain and were so fucking spoiled as kids?"  I just have not observed this to be true so I am wondering what facts or data you are basing this perception upon? 

On 3/2/2016 at 10:25 PM, AHappyTeddyBear said:

Wonder why 3rd World Countries never have these problems?  THEY DONT.

Again, I don't find it true that other cultures whether indigenous or other wise experience issues with this.  From my study and direct observation the issues merely manifest In other ways

 

On 3/2/2016 at 10:25 PM, AHappyTeddyBear said:

And they only exist in westerner countries ? Much like cancer and that other shit that came from fast food and various other things.

I highly encourage you to look at Forks over Knives; the majority of the research comes from China, one of the only countries to create cancer maps and be capable of providing doctors with data to determine direct causation and correlation between diet, ecological issues and cancer.  The problem, as you can plainly see, was not limited solely to Western Countries.  I do agree however that many of the diets of many Westerners can be unhealthy. 

 

On 3/2/2016 at 10:25 PM, AHappyTeddyBear said:

We just get so spoiled that ppl become complete freaking pussys.

I don't think this is wholly truthful.  I think some people are pussies and some people are not.   I am not certain if there is a causation and a correlation between being spoiled and being a pussy.  LOL  Do you have documentation or is this a personal theory?

 

On 3/2/2016 at 10:25 PM, AHappyTeddyBear said:

maybe this person just needs a good fucking beating so she gets her consciousness back

You don't sound like a happy bear; I've never heard of this therapeutic approach, I've seldom as either a person or a law enforcement officer seen such conduct lead to anything positive.  In some countries its actually a crime.

 

On 3/2/2016 at 10:25 PM, AHappyTeddyBear said:

How the fuck are any of you even taking this serious, its still mindfucking me to this fucking day. Just stop with your neurotic behaviours and stop beign a total cu** mate. thats my advice for this spoiled kid.

Sounds like the whole "mental illness isn't real, pull yourself up by the boot straps argument."  By the way?  Being a cu** is actually worshiping the Goddess for her beauty and fertility.    

On 3/2/2016 at 7:10 AM, Key Elements said:

In real life, find friends who will accept you as you are and not put any labels on you. Try to find out who they are first before you call them friends. Watch out for labels, esp those who have no idea of who you are and constantly labels. Try to let go of the people who are not important in your life. Cut off people who are toxic. (From experience, the most toxic ppl are the ones who like to label and gossip about you and/or your family. This includes all family members, including in-laws.)

@Key Elements  I think you have made some excellent points here.   I have personally been finding success doing some of these same things.  Thank you so much for sharing this.

 

On 3/2/2016 at 7:10 AM, Key Elements said:

As for loved ones such as family members, try to be as independent and detached from them as much as possible if they label, even if you're living under the same roof, but still love them unconditionally. Leo talked about detachment as having no one to fulfill your needs-it is the ultimate attractiveness-check out the clip. I'm talking like this about the family because in the end for most people, it is the family who will help you when you need it the most, not a friend. There are exceptions - the friends who help are called BFFs or family friends. They are extremely rare, so be careful who you put in this category. 

I am working on this very thing and also finding it successful.   Healthy boundaries.

 

16 hours ago, Key Elements said:

The terms would be Group vs Individualistic stages of the Graves model. It ends in a group stage (notice that? turquoise?). Have you ever heard of the saying, "it takes a village to raise a child?" In other words, it takes more than mom's and dad's efforts to raise a child properly - to be "world class citizens" and serve humanity - to be balanced and capable of doing this. If a child let's say grows up in a society where there is a lot of crime, or there is more than a 50% divorce rate, then the parents/family members have to try extra hard to guide their children. Family (especially) and society are critical to a child's development. 

I have been meaning to take the time to look at this entire graves model as I am unfamiliar.  I do agree with the observation it takes a village to raise a child.  Sometimes it takes re-parenting by committee to heal an adult.   (A Peter Walker Concept from his book http://www.amazon.com/Complex-PTSD-Surviving-RECOVERING-CHILDHOOD/dp/1492871842

Thank you so much for your comments.

 

[Martin_M]

Hello Helge,

I am a man too and gay moreover which relevant to my body image issues. These causes very big pain as they touches my very deep sense of my self esteem. There were even time I felt super beautiful but than I say a eventual picture of my face and felt so ashamed of myself: how somebody can see me as attractive and among the gays this is so important. We judge another gay men all the time. Some rejection and "hands off" experience were so painful for me. Leo touched these things in some videos but not in complexity (as he is not gay, cannot fully understand).

Martin

[Falk]

On 24.2.2016 at 6:29 PM, Helge said:

I am addicted to beauty

I look into the mirror, in a window in the streets . EVERYWHERE I am I want to know how I look like and to make sure that my hair and style looks perfect. When it rains I dont want to go out because it could ruin my hair and sometimes before I go to a party I wash my hair three times before it looks the way I want. 

My friends are annoyed by my beauty addiction and I am so sick of it as well. But I can't stop looking into the mirror or thinking about how I am looking right now.

Have you any advice how to overcome insecurities and stop carring how I look like?

It is not what people look like , it is who they "are"

-don´t look in every mirrors (exept the basic morning hygiene thing)/ no selfies etc...

-think about what people do you like the most: you like people who look good or people who are nice and understanding and maybe wise...

-meditate and contemplate about the meaning of appearance and the value of personality (both are important) but don´t get one-sided

 

 

[Gianna]

See the hell of it. See the hell of being attached to your own beauty. Also, see the hell of being beautiful. I would be ignorant to say it doesn't get you a lot. But it is also a curse. Being beautiful is a curse just as much as it is a blessing. See the curse of being beautiful and it will stop your obsession with it almost immediately if you really get it. 

[vizual]

On 3-10-2021 at 2:24 AM, Gianna said:

See the hell of it. See the hell of being attached to your own beauty. Also, see the hell of being beautiful. I would be ignorant to say it doesn't get you a lot. But it is also a curse. Being beautiful is a curse just as much as it is a blessing. See the curse of being beautiful and it will stop your obsession with it almost immediately if you really get it. 

How exactly is being beautiful a curse?

[Nahm]

Going Prior.

It is easier to thread a camel through the eye of a needle, than for a beautiful woman to enter the kingdom. 

[RickyFitts]

2 hours ago, vizual said:

How exactly is being beautiful a curse?

Not being beautiful, I can only speculate - but I imagine you'd get lots of unwanted attention for a start, plus people are liable to have all sorts of preconceptions about you (like you're just a pretty face, for example) and will struggle to see past your physical beauty. I know it might seem like a great blessing to be beautiful, but it seems to me that it's very much a double-edged sword.