Toxic People

[Jay Brown]

I hate the fact my co worker copies what i do and then act like nothing is wrong with it, 

 

for example i order coffee, he'd be looking at it and then he wants to order it, i wear a sweatshirt he wears a sweatshirt but not the same day no cause then it would be a coincidence after he sees me, like m some sort of an idol for him but when we talk he brings his own intelligence in which is worthless to me, i dont want to be rude so i ignore his out of the blue questions and comments, he wants to look better than me in front of the seniors and i do the same but my problem is why the fuck does he copy me and when he does my blood boils, please tell me how do i stay calm and just do my work and get the fuck home.  

[Rufus]

I had such problems at office jobs for years, and I have been acting like a miserable victim until I realized that I needed to change myself so I can change others.

This is the office environment, it wouldn't be any better if you move to another company in any other country as well.
They only way I had to solve these childish acts was by showing these people unexpected acts of kindness, and solidarity, and most importantly honesty.
I took that guy to have some coffee (on me) and chat about (that thing that I don't like), honesty is the magical trick that will humble the shit out of these people, be straight in your talk, and be clear to show them that you DON'T hate them, just accept them not just hypocritically but also fully from your heart. and it's challenging I know, I have been there myself  

I even when I spoke to that guy he looked so scared of my honesty and kindness, and he kept apologizing and he said that he wasn't conscious about  his doings. 

When you are being honest, you will make it feel so wrong for them to lie and find sneaky excuses. within my experience honesty is the most power weapon in psychology, you can literally talk and convince anybody of anything if you just speak honestly from a humble heart.

Try to react positive to these people, and make your positivity stronger than their negativity, don't become a slave to their vibrations, try to raise your personal vibration and to embrace them to your energy instead of forcing their toxic energy on your and become their slave. when you raise your vibration, you give them no choice but to willingly choose to become your cute rabbits. they will have no choice but to become honest with you from their side as well, and both of you are going to be genuinely happy with each others even if that person may not be the type of people you like to hang out with.

To develop a sense of honesty and kindness towards someone who doesn't share the same vibration with you can sometimes take quite some time, give it time but you need to work on changing yourself and how you feel first before your talk to them.

if you couldn't make yourself stronger for a reason or another, or that person is completely closed minded, you try to minimize your interactivity with him, if he has any authority for you, try to plan a way out of the company or department you are working in. but don't remain a slave.

[Fishy]

Well you should let go of it, why does it matter if he copies you. Don't make it a problem.

[Natasha]

That's what narcissists do. He is looking for a reaction from you. Don't give it to him and he will have nothing to feed on, and will most likely move on to his next source of narcissistic supply.

[FindingPeace]

18 hours ago, Fishy said:

Well you should let go of it, why does it matter if he copies you. Don't make it a problem.

I agree. In fact, take it as a compliment. You don't have to engage with this guy, just leave him to it.

[Electron]

The reason they are toxic is not because they are toxic, but because you interpret their actions as toxic, and that's what brings you misery. The toxicity is arising because of the meaning you are giving to their actions. So its you who is going against yourself by associating bad labels to whats happening around you. And therefore if you change yourself, those judgements will vanish and the people will appear lovely.

[FindingPeace]

5 minutes ago, Sigma said:

The reason they are toxic is not because they are toxic, but because you interpret their actions as toxic,

There's actually a profound truth to this. I have discovered this myself over the last year or so.

People only appear toxic because we allow their behaviour to influence us in undesirable ways. Whether it's emotions, thoughts, beliefs or actions we allow them to influence, ultimately we are letting them 'bother' us.

The truth is that they are just people being people, just as we are ourselves. We are all different and we are all bound to conflic with one another's world views from time to time. But how we interpret or respond to that conflict is down to our own psychology. Our own insecurity, anxiety, agenda and ego. And many more aspects besides.

One way to see people as less toxic is to develop acceptance of other people and of reality in general. Accept that they are what they are, they do what they do. There is no controlling it. Take responsibility for how we interpret them and respond to them. Take responsibility for how we let them affect us internally.

There were people in my life I previously saw as very toxic. And they don't have a healthy, functional effect on people. And didn't on me. But as I learned to accept that they are what they are, and become less reactive to it, I still 'label' them as toxic but they can't actualy 'hurt' me anymore because I have taken responsibility for my own reaction to them. I am independent of them.

To modify one of Leo's sayings: "I am completely independent of the opinions and actions of others."

 

[Jay Brown]

On 2/24/2016 at 10:17 AM, Rufus said:

you give them no choice but to willingly choose to become your cute rabbits.

I ate his sandwich today (manipulated him into giving it to me) Thanks everyone

Edited February 26, 2016 by Jay Brown

[MIARIVEL]

@Jay Brown Nothing can really bother you in this life unless you allow it to. However, I have been in a similar situation, I grew up with this girl who was also named Mia, we were good friends, she is the same age and she always wanted to do what I was doing, wear similar clothing to me, I always thought she was trying to outshine me and steal my friends, my style, I believed she wanted to be me and have my life lol. 

However, I realised how silly that sounds. Its not a game of who looks better wearing what dress or a competition or who's better (my opinion). I don't feel in competition with anyone any more because I have learnt to be comfortable with myself. Everyone has something to offer in this world and yes so many people try to be someone else or something they are not, but that has nothing to do with you. 

You are your own wonderful person and if anything, take it as a compliment. You don't have to be friends with him or even acknowledge him if you don't want to, but just don't let actions of another ruin your mood and if it does, fight it and challenge the way you think and interpret a situation. Change your thoughts towards someone else so it does not put you in a mood that doesn't serve you. You have too many things you need to get done than to worry about other people.