Maintaining Awareness

[step1]

Over the past couple of days I've noticed a few things - If I don't put full effort into my meditation session, I pay for it over the following 48 hours in the sense that I become less aware of my ego and its games.  For a good part of the last couple days my ego has been steering the ship and I've been unaware of it until now.

The other thing I've realised is that I can't get traction on non duality awareness all the time..  And the kind of initial peace that I had after realisation (although there was a degree of fear that came with this) has now worn off... 

I'm starting to feel like the traction can't be forced, and it will just pop up now and again so long as I'm doing self enquiry and contemplating reality.  Its a bit disappointing as I was in another world a few days ago, even if I was a bit scared.  It was peaceful.

Anyone else experienced this?  Any tips? 

[Grasshopper]

Throughout the day, notice your breath anytime you can remember to. That can help knock you out of a low-awareness state.

[Azrael]

44 minutes ago, step1 said:

Its a bit disappointing as I was in another world a few days ago, even if I was a bit scared.  It was peaceful.

After my first 120 minutes strong determination sitting I woke up for three weeks and felt completely peace the whole day. No terrifying thoughts, no bullshit, just pure concentration + relaxation. I was so effortlessly concentrated I merged most of the day either with what I saw in front of me or with every situation I was in with somebody else.

I thought: "This is so nuts, fuck enlightenment. This is enough. I completely feel free. I am it." I even cried sometimes because it was so nice or laughed, didn't make a difference.

After that 'till now I am always mixed up by my feelings, feeling shitty, feeling concentrated. Sometimes I'm going back in cycles to that state I described. 

But here is the thing. This is all just progress. These are all phases of the journey and you'll go through a lot of them. I tend to develop a kind of "I don't give a fuck" attitude how my mind currently does its thing - whether all is nice or everything is shitty. If you are conscious enough you can begin to see through that.

But your ego won't go without battles . Btw, you = ego. Doesn't make a difference. "My ego" is just talking to you. So, lay back and have fun watching it. There will probably come  a lot of phases you haven't encountered yet.

Cheers to you,

[WelcometoReality]

@step1 Then put effort in it. The surrendering of effort comes naturally. You can't force it, because then it will only be the effort of surrendering.