LSD and utter meaninglessness

[Wyatt]

3 months ago I dropped 120 micrograms of LSD. This was my 4th time taking acid, but my first time for the purpose of growth and development. All of my trips previously had been amazing, showing me how great my life could be if I lived with a high-intensity and gratitude at all times. Life is a wild circus! I learned a lot from them without really even trying, and enjoyed my experiences. This trip was VERY different.

Admittedly, I took them in the wrong setting. I was with a good friend at a somewhat crowded beach, and I was the only one dropping the tab, my friend wanted to but woke up that morning not feeling great so he decided not to. About 45 minutes after taking the tab I knew something wasn't right. My stomach had a terrible aching pain, I had a hard time focusing, my friend was talking and listening to music but I couldn't find any joy in it, holding onto coherent thoughts was impossible, and my sense of time was completely thrown out the window. I thought if we left for the beach, I would enjoy it enough to pull myself out of this very strange sensation. Long story short, DON'T DO PSYCHEDELICS AT THE BEACH unless it's really empty. Just the social pressure of having to control my actions and words, for the kids and grandparents, was terribly frustrating.

I tripped for 14 hours. There was an idea that kept on recurring for hours in many visual, auditory, and sensational forms: everything is completely and utterly meaningless. Down to the very bare-bone of it. During the trip, this was an awful and horrible thing to see, and it brought me physical pain and emotional anguish. All those goals you're working on? As meaningless as a child building sandcastles. All of those high-consciousness beliefs of love and morality that you view as transcendent? Completely meaningless. All the satisfaction and suffering you feel in your lifetime? As meaningless as it gets. I've heard this said before in Leo's videos and on this forum that this life is truly meaningless, but I didn't really understand the extent to which it's really meant!

My questions is: If this is really true, why did I feel so afraid and depressed viewing it? Is there really any benefit working towards accepting this? Where can my life go from here?

Thanks in advance for your wisdom

[Leo Gura]

@Wyatt Why did you have a stomach ache? What did you eat before-hand? How long was it before your meal and taking the LSD?

If life is so utterly meaningless, why are you depressed about it? That's meaning! Notice this point very deeply.

You felt afraid and depressed because most of the stuff you do is a house of cards built on top of an illusion of meaning. So when that rug is pulled out from under you, of course you get depressed. The solution is to slowly dismantle your house of cards. Make your actions and motivations more authentic, more in line with nature.

It's like you're a donkey chasing a carrot on a stick, and then one day you realize, "OMG! I was never going to get that carrot! Those bastards!"

How would you behave and structure your life if you weren't chasing carrots any more?

[cetus]

8 minutes ago, Wyatt said:

My questions is: If this is really true, why did I feel so afraid and depressed viewing it?

@Wyatt   I remember the first time I had that realization. Yea, it ain't pretty. It took me a while to fully except just how much the ego colors reality . Ego assigns meaning to reality.  Reality just "is".

 

 

[cetus]

2 hours ago, Wyatt said:

Where can my life go from here?

Chop wood. Carry water.

[Wyatt]

@Leo Gura had an orange and a multi-vitamin 2 hours before dropping the tab, I know an empty stomach is standard procedure. I can see how interesting my life would be if I didn't feel the need to chase other's carrots, but living a life without ANY meaning is hard for me to imagine. It seems like, the more deliberate and conscious I am of the meanings that I assign, the more control I'll have of where my donkey hooves take me

[AleksM]

@Wyatt @Leo Gura @cetus56

Existentially speaking, every situation, environment you find yourself in is meaningless. This doesn't mean you have to live a meaningless life, it means you have total freedom to define this meaningless however you wish, because meaning is subjective, the same thing can mean different things to different people.  The greatest gift Creation has given you is that you can assign the meaning to the situation and environment you find yourself in. 

You felt depressed and afraid of the insight because this is a threat to your ego. Ego wants to maintain it's rhythm by sticking to something that is positive for it's reinforcement. The good thing is that your True Self is not the ego, and You can redefine what is good and what is bad, however you want, because to your True Self everything is equal. Only to the ego it is not. Your True Self is what's redefining the good and bad based on personal experience. The ego lives in a different reality that has no contact with this reality ( it is interconnected and it affects this reality, but the ego does not know what actually happening right here and now), it just wants to maintain it's self. Beliefs are self-reinforcing, proof finding mechanisms but after they become strong and established, it doesn't mean you are not able to change them. Changing the definition will be a threat to your current established ego, but the True Self will stay still and indifferent. 

[Nahm]

Too much too soon, not enough respect for your psychedelics, not enough foundation in practices, too much resistance, too much ego. Old people & kids don’t make for good trip sitters. You can let it go now or keep punching yourself in the balls. Up to you. You’re free, remember? The reason to keep going is a love you can’t even imagine. Don’t fuck yourself more by pretending you can. You can’t. It’s coming though. You will. Ground in your practices. The blank canvas is the most beautiful. GET BUSY LETTING THE LOVE THROUGH. GET LIVING. YOUR LOVE IS REAL AS FUCK AND YOU CAN CONNECT TO IT ANYTIME - YOUR LOVE CAN DO ANYTHING. One tiny tiny tiny gesture of love today, a genuine thank you to the gas station guy, asking someone, really, really, how are they doing? LEARN TO PUT YOURSELF ASIDE AND LISTEN. Give just a little help  to someone who is trying, really fucking trying hard...these are the bread crumbs to the love you seek. Home. 

[WaveInTheOcean]

On 27/11/2017 at 2:13 AM, Wyatt said:

 As meaningless as a child building sandcastles.

Yet, my friend, why does an innocent little child like to build sandcastles then?

"If life is so utterly meaningless, why are you depressed about it? That's meaning! Notice this point very deeply."

Leo has a brilliant point here.

Become mindful that you are actually alive as a human being. It is a mysterious miracle, when you think deeply about it. 
It's also fascinating that you can realize life is utterly meaningless while simultaneously becoming depressed about it.

Edited November 28, 2017 by WaveInTheOcean

[Nahm]

 

[snowleopard]

@Wyatt  I'm not sure that there is intrinsic meaning in the phenomenal construct -- i.e. Buddhism's 'emptiness' includes being empty of meaning.  But I don't intuitively feel that this is as nihilistic as it initially seems. Because, paradoxically enough, as others here have said, it allows for the unconditional creation of whatever meaning one may read into it, and thus the meaning of it all is to create the meaning of it all, which now seems the most profoundly meaningful reason of all. And if taken full circle, it is seen as emptifullness, all that is ... That which one is in essence, which needs no meaning other than to be That which manifest this wondrous dream, and then seemingly wonder what it all means.

[Stevo]

My first comment on this forum!  Very cool to see someone with a similar experience.  I had an LSD experience on Thursday.  Spent the next day writing.  I quote, "the meaning of life is meaninglessness."  It wasn't distressing to me at all.  The vision I had for my response to that meaninglessness was to embrace life as much as meditation, to develop sexuality, and appreciate the feminine.  

Another concept I saw was that there is no reuniting with relatives in the hereafter.  It was no big deal to me, but contributed to my feeling of meaninglessness.  

[tecladocasio]

@Wyatt

On 26/11/2017 at 11:13 PM, Wyatt said:

 All those goals you're working on? As meaningless as a child building sandcastles.

But look at the child and see the intensity and joy in building the castle , doesn't matter if there is meaning or not ...