Always A Required Stream Of Result.. So Little Time To Heal

[Espen]

I just collided with another car this morning on my way to high school. I am 18 years old and almost on my way to college. I called up my dad who said immediately "I bet its your fault". My girlfriend left me from a 3 year long distance relationship. It feel like a part of me was shot and kill and left to bleed out on the side of the road as if its not worth the time to call an ambulance. 

My Dad just told me to join the marine as if he rather see me dead then to be his son. 

Moments in school i have a burning desire to pay attention to quadratic functions; however the my eye drag off to my phone or iPad. 

I have tried self help, started a meditation club at my school, did cross country and track and field for 3 years, while still having friends. Its just now i am having thoughts of taking rope and wrapping it around my neck. When in reality i just want to help others with their parent telling them they are trash and garbage. They will never make it in life. 

I know its my response ability to create the life i want to create. Its to the point were my brain is telling me to end the trouble; However, another side of me want to read, gain knowledge, and to help others. I am in a world fill with required results and if you take a second to breath, you will be left to bleed out. I need some advice or just someone to relate. Thanks for anyone who took the time to listen. It means a lot.

[Espen]

Sorry for the grammar and miss spellings. My brain is mixed with emotions right now.

[Ayla]

@Espen

I hear you. I see your pain. 

It's perfectly OK to feel like you do. 

Please listen to these videos: 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[FindingPeace]

On 24/02/2016 at 3:18 PM, Espen said:

My girlfriend left me from a 3 year long distance relationship. It feel like a part of me was shot and kill and left to bleed out

Having a girlfriend won't fulfill you.

On 24/02/2016 at 3:18 PM, Espen said:

My Dad just told me to join the marine as if he rather see me dead then to be his son. 

You have nothing to prove to your dad.

On 24/02/2016 at 3:18 PM, Espen said:

I am in a world fill with required results

and there are no 'required' results in life.

Your life is about you. You are the centre of it. You're not here to prove anything to anyone else, or to serve anyone, or be anyone's bitch. Nor are you here to follow arbitrary 'rules' and social norms that you think are required of you.

On 24/02/2016 at 3:18 PM, Espen said:

I know its my response ability to create the life i want to create. Its to the point were my brain is telling me to end the trouble; However, another side of me want to read, gain knowledge, and to help others.

So take the responsibility and create the life. Read, gain knowledge and help others. Do it. create a vision of what you want to become and work out what you need to do to achieve that.

On 24/02/2016 at 3:18 PM, Espen said:

Its just now i am having thoughts of taking rope and wrapping it around my neck.

I know the feeling. But what I did was start doing some inner-work. I worked my way through all of Leo's videos (and I can recommend the best ones to get you through this point), and I also spent time introspecting, self-analysing my own issues, my past, my present, my future.

My username is FindingPeace because that is exactly what I did find after doing the inner work. And I still am finding. I am now in a far more constructive frame of mind to make better choices for my future any my happiness.

The way you feel right now can be overcome quite easily. And it's just a feeling, it isn't reality. It a collections of thoughts, limiting beliefs, expectations etc Some of which probably need tweaking. It's a bit like being short-sighted and not realising it. You can't see the world clearly at all. But when someone gives you a pair of glasses everything becomes crystal clear. You see the world with a detail you never saw before.

Stay in there and stay tuned to this forum and Leo's videos.

Edit to add: two of Leo's videos that turned my life around were "How to stop being a victim" and "Responsibility verses Blame". Also "What is happiness" and "The happiness spectrum" are good to get your head around. There are many more..

Edited February 25, 2016 by FindingPeace

[Guest]

9 minutes ago, FindingPeace said:

Having a girlfriend won't fulfill you.

You have nothing to prove to your dad.

and there are no 'required' results in life.

Your life is about you. You are the centre of it. You're not here to prove anything to anyone else, or to serve anyone, or be anyone's bitch. Nor are you here to follow arbitrary 'rules' and social norms that you think are required of you.

 

Amen! This is so true, also you can find a new girl any day. Really girls are nothing special, there are 10 of them around every corner waiting for you. There is another bus every 15 minutes if you will

 

Edited February 25, 2016 by The Alchemist

[Pallero]

To me, it sounds like it would do you good to move to live on your own. Start creating the life you want.

It won't fix your problems, but it might give you some time and space to think about what you really want and to realize that this is your life, not someone else's.

I'm sorry that you are having such a hard time. But it's normal and it will pass. Give it time and give yourself some positive nurturing and attention. Do things that relax you and bring you joy.

[Kelley White]

15 hours ago, Pallero said:

I'm sorry that you are having such a hard time. But it's normal and it will pass.

@Espen when it gets to the point of feeling overwhelmed... I agree with @Pallero, You have had some traumatic things happen and its normal to grieve.   We grieve losses and grief is a process.  It will pass.

I regret that your father made such a harsh statement to you.   I agree with @Ayla I hear and acknowledge your pain.

I understand the conflict of feeling that life goes on and seeks results from us even though trauma or tragedy can occur.  It can be challenging to give ourselves permission to take down time.   I myself struggle with this very thing.

I understand what it is like to feel so much pain you have thoughts of self harm.  You are 18, I have a 100% success rate from such thoughts since I was 14 and I'm 53.   Please don't make a permanent choice based upon a temporary emotion. 

On 2/24/2016 at 7:18 AM, Espen said:

read, gain knowledge, and to help others

Sometimes....this right here? Keeps us from doing things that are self harming and actually makes us feel better.  Hold on to that feeling right there to get you through.   I sincerely hope you are feeling better.