Enlightenment And Relationships

[Frankie]

Hi Folks,

as an follow-up to my other relationship thread in this forum I'm wondering if it's possible to have an relationship when being enlighted or on the path to enlightenment. The question arose on the simple sentence:

I love you.

You all know that this isn't true.  At least intellectually we know that neither the "I" nor the "You" exists. So maybe there is love around or not but it cannot be fixed at one person. When your partner is saying "I love you" and you respond the same to him/her you're faking it or you know that you are still attached to him/her and must let go this attachment to get further on your path.

So having a partner appears to be not a really good starting point for achieving enlightenment or am I wrong?

 

[werlight]

You can definitely have a partner. Enlightenment is not about abandoning your humanity. It's about accepting it fully ! 

I will use the following metaphor to try to explain what I mean.

Imagine yourself as a great pianist. All your life you have played what you think were all the notes in your piano. Highs and lows. And you have learned to play amazing music.

When you remember who you are (become enlightened)  you become aware that your piano is much larger than you thought. You can play incredibly beautiful notes that you never even knew existed. Initially, you will want to spend as much time as possible exploring the new notes in your piano. Its normal. But don't forget the other notes. Every note is equally beautiful, not only the new ones !

Play all your notes. Fully embrace your humanity, as well as your divinity, all of who you are, and make amazing music to be enjoyed by everyone around you.

Claiming we are only our spirit is as wrong as claiming we are only our body. As long as we are human we are both and both are equally important and equally beautiful.

Stay close to everything that makes you human. Embrace your family and friends. Hug and kiss your loved ones, express your love and joy. This will bring you happiness and peace. Your life and everything in it, is a gift of love for you. So enjoy it !

[Rufus]

You can love and stay on your spiritual path if you truly accept your partner as is.

Most of the spiritual people I know pick to either live with someone who can accept, or stay single. 
If the partner is causing troubles and slowing down the spiritual progress, it's better for both to break up.
Staying single grants a great amount of freedom so one can focus on the spiritual path because it reduces the chances of conflicts and obligations.

If somebody was so lucky to be in a serious non-egoic love (acceptance) between both sides, where there are complete honesty and mutual interest in spirituality, that can be very beneficial for the progress of both sides. although this is so rare.

[FindingPeace]

This is a question I ask myself.

Technically an enlightened person should see the world and their partner as an extension of themselves. So in theory, you should be more accepting and at peace with your relationship and partner regardless of whether they are on the same page as you.

On the other hand, trying to reach enlightenment takes a lot of slowly shedding the illusory beliefs that we have. Which is not easy when around others who keep imposing those beliefs and lower awareness concepts on to you.

It's a good question. I've yet to find a good answer..

[Frankie]

Thanks for your answers @werlight @Rufus ! I think I understand your point but isn't

love = attachment = suffering ?

At least if I think of "romantic" declarations of love ("can't live without you",...). In the buddhistic sense Nirvana is the state where all suffering ends - so there can't be any holding on to attachments of any kind. If the equation above is true then there could be no love in Nirvana as well ....

 

[Rufus]

16 minutes ago, Frankie said:

Thanks for your answers @werlight @Rufus ! I think I understand your point but isn't

love = attachment = suffering ?

At least if I think of "romantic" declarations of love ("can't live without you",...). In the buddhistic sense Nirvana is the state where all suffering ends - so there can't be any holding on to attachments of any kind. If the equation above is true then there could be no love in Nirvana as well ....

 

Egoic love is so different than Spiritual love, spiritual people have no excessive attachment to each others. there may be some strong non-conditional emotions shared between them, they are just emotions and sexual instincts, spiritual people realize that emotions and sexual instincts just comes and goes as a natural state of all human beings, and they are so honest to admit that to each others. a romantic spiritual love within my understanding (and I deem as perfect) is made of deep and honest understanding between the couple, they have no problem to joyfully accept that they don't no longer has feelings. no cheating, no lies, no sneaking around, it's up to them next if they want to continue living to together to support each others, or to break up, they will remain in a default sense of compassion, but no excessive attachment. no heart-breaking and drama.

Edited February 24, 2016 by Rufus

[Gabrielle]

I am currently delving into this realm of my life. Obviously this will depend greatly couple to couple.

When I watched Leo's video on having great sex for females, it hit a cord for me.

Prioritize yourself. If you are not meant to be with a certain person forever, don't let that stop you from investing yourself in the many fruitful aspects of a relationship (getting good at sex is just one of countless examples).

I have been hurt by my current love, and there are weak moments I would be consumed with thoughts about the past or concerns for the future and I'd act out, now those moments are lessons. I think but don't know, that a certain level of disconnect is needed. I also think but don't know that I find this not only healthy, but ideal.

All in all, relationships can simultaneously be our livelihood as well as merely a tool for self development. Regardless, it is what you make of it. I'd advise you to really challenge yourself and see how honest you can get with this person. Somebody on the path to enlightenment will be easily held back by relationships... but allow your love time to see you and your beautiful intentions for what they are, first and foremost. Give them the chance to show you who they can be, just as you are doing for yourself. A couple committed to enlightenment should ideally know what is best for their fate. Love at the very least is a way to experience this short life. Honor love in all forms and above all be true to yourself.

Love & Light

Gabrielle

Edited February 25, 2016 by Gabrielle

[werlight]

On February 24, 2016 at 2:52 PM, Frankie said:

Thanks for your answers @werlight @Rufus ! I think I understand your point but isn't

love = attachment = suffering ?

At least if I think of "romantic" declarations of love ("can't live without you",...). In the buddhistic sense Nirvana is the state where all suffering ends - so there can't be any holding on to attachments of any kind. If the equation above is true then there could be no love in Nirvana as well ....

 

@Frankie The key is that enlightened people don't need a partner to feel complete. They already are complete. They are in a relationship because they want to be in it, not because they need it. The motivation is different.