Obsessive thoughts literally ruining my life ?

[Charlotte]

I've been on the path of PD work solidly for around 3 month's. In this time I've managed to come a hell of a long way. The one thing I cannot seem to get a grip off is my obsessive thoughts, they have turned into an OCD disorder. I've suffered with insecurities for as long as I've been conscious of my thoughts. These insecurities stem mostly around my personal relationships (boyfriend). 

 

I've had an assessment from a therapist and they have agreed I need high intensity CBT. The waiting list is a loooong wait and in the meantime I'm suffering... Suffering bad. 

 

I won't go into too much detail about the thoughts per se because I feel they are unnecessary. The fact they arise and I feel I have zero control over them is what matters. 

Does anybody have any self help tips or techniques I can try? I've tried most things with minimal results. 

 

Any help would be greatly appreciated. 

 

Charlotte X 

[Ascend]

It's hard to say much without knowing the details/quality of your thoughts. I myself suffered from pretty bad ocd, and believe it's caused by shame/guilt and also fear. Have you tried being aware of it and stepping back to watch as an observer?

[Charlotte]

55 minutes ago, Ascend said:

It's hard to say much without knowing the details/quality of your thoughts. I myself suffered from pretty bad ocd, and believe it's caused by shame/guilt and also fear. Have you tried being aware of it and stepping back to watch as an observer?

Thanks for replying. The details and quality? Well to be honest, I'm embarrassed to go into much detail, I know there stupid, put it that way. I've had some good in depth thinking about my thoughts and they seem to based around my partner lusting after other women, not so much... "Oh he's going to run off with another women" they don't even cross my mind, it's more lustful based. Also I've noticed when I talk to anybody about them (my mum or whatever) I have picked up on the fact I say a lot of "I don't want to be made a fool of" or lied to or humiliated. 

 

It's more the case of is he staring at other women or thinking of someone else in bed type thoughts, they are the tip of the iceberg to be honest. 

 

Yes I've tried observing but it still seems to have some 'meaning' to me, I still become attached to them so to speak, I've tried everything to become detached from them with no luck. 

 

When your mention "quality" of the thoughts, what do you mean by this sorry?

[Shin]

I know you're not gonna like this, but this is how it will be resolved.

Think intentionally about how your boyfriend could cheat on you, the worst kind of ways, then don't focus on the thoughts that will appear.
Focus as fuck on the emotion in your body.

Everytime it happens when you don't want to think about it, then feel that the emotions fully, and don't try to escape it.

The goal is to accept the emotions so fully in you, that they will eventually dissolve.
It can takes some days/weeks or months, it all depends how much you are ready to go into your pain.
The more you resist it, the longer the pain will stay.

The only magic pill that exist is this technique, every other techniques are temporary fixes, and most of the time it only makes it worse (alcohol/drugs etc ...).

 

 

Edited November 22, 2017 by Shin

[Colin]

@Charlotte This has been holding me over as of late. It is super passive, super easy, and super powerful.

It is also connected to  Leo's life purpose course in a way. 

I lay down and listen to one of these youtube videos daily. Best not to multitask while listening. Best to focus and to feel what is being said. Also best not to listen while upset if possible. Best to relax.

It is reprogramming your subconscious mind!

Listen as little or as much as you like. 

This will be a year long or multi year process.

Daily repetition is key!

 

 

 

 

Edited November 22, 2017 by Colin

[Charlotte]

7 hours ago, Shin said:

I know you're not gonna like this, but this is how it will be resolved.

Think intentionally about how your boyfriend could cheat on you, the worst kind of ways, then don't focus on the thoughts that will appear.
Focus as fuck on the emotion in your body.

Everytime it happens when you don't want to think about it, then feel that the emotions fully, and don't try to escape it.

The goal is to accept the emotions so fully in you, that they will eventually dissolve.
It can takes some days/weeks or months, it all depends how much you are ready to go into your pain.
The more you resist it, the longer the pain will stay.

The only magic pill that exist is this technique, every other techniques are temporary fixes, and most of the time it only makes it worse (alcohol/drugs etc ...).

 

 

"I know your not gonna like this", wrong @Shin I absolutely love it! Any work I can do to get myself out of this shit hole I'm going to throw myself at, wether it's hard or not I don't care, I'll persist trust me. 

 

So let me get this straight... I'm going to picture and think about my worst nightmares with regards to my partner. I'm not going to focus on the thoughts but the emotions that come with the thoughts... I'm going to feel them to fuck, accept them so much that they dissolve. 

 

How often do I do this? Is it a daily practice? How long do I do it for? Also how do I accept them? Do I just say something like "Ok, your there, so what?" Embrace them?

 

Any practice that includes me going through emotional pain will only make me stronger, I'm ready!! Your a legend shin, from the bottom of my heart... THANK YOU!!! ?

 

13 minutes ago, Colin said:

@Charlotte This has been holding me over as of late. It is super passive, super easy, and super powerful.

It is also connected to  Leo's life purpose course in a way. 

I lay down and listen to one of these youtube videos daily. Best not to multitask while listening. Best to focus and to feel what is being said. Also best not to listen while upset if possible. Best to relax.

It is reprogramming your subconscious mind!

Listen as little or as much as you like. 

This will be a year long or multi year process.

Daily repetition is key!

 

 

 

 

@Colin Can't thank you enough for this, I'll pop this into my routine as well. 

 

Thankyou Thank you Thank you!

[Ascend]

9 hours ago, Charlotte said:

Thanks for replying. The details and quality? Well to be honest, I'm embarrassed to go into much detail, I know there stupid, put it that way. I've had some good in depth thinking about my thoughts and they seem to based around my partner lusting after other women, not so much... "Oh he's going to run off with another women" they don't even cross my mind, it's more lustful based. Also I've noticed when I talk to anybody about them (my mum or whatever) I have picked up on the fact I say a lot of "I don't want to be made a fool of" or lied to or humiliated. 

 

It's more the case of is he staring at other women or thinking of someone else in bed type thoughts, they are the tip of the iceberg to be honest. 

 

Yes I've tried observing but it still seems to have some 'meaning' to me, I still become attached to them so to speak, I've tried everything to become detached from them with no luck. 

 

When your mention "quality" of the thoughts, what do you mean by this sorry?

 

So it seems it might stem from a fear of being made a fool of, humiliated etc. Get to the core of it, identify your deepest fear in that regard. Then I second what shin said, you can be mindful/allowing of the sensations as they appear in your body. 

[Shin]

Quote

How often do I do this?

As long as the pain is there.

Is it a daily practice?

Maybe not the days you go see your boyfriend, or later in the day if you see him before the evening. 
I say that because at first there is a high risk you'll probably be very pissed at him.
The goal isn't to make you break up with him, quite the contrary.

How long do I do it for?

I would say one hour per day, like that it's not too much to be hell, but enough to deal with this as soon as possible.

 Also how do I accept them?

You just have to feel the emotion without judging it, and if you judge accept the judgment.
At first it will be hard because you will focus on your thoughts too much. 
Always remember to focus on the emotions only.

The emotions are just an energy to feel, the thoughts are a story that add mental suffering on top of it, and the too usually swing at each other.
If you can stop the swinging and just focus on the emotions, then it's just an negative energy to endure, which is far less awful than your mind wants you to believe it is.

You need to understand (and not only conceptually), that your ego is using pain as a way to stay intact, because ultimately it does not exist.
So it needs stories to make itself believes it is real, the problem with that is that it's only negative ones. 
Once you really got that, there is no more negativity added in you, you refuse negativity to enter in you, whatever happens, and then life become very very fun and beautiful  

So basically, whenever you feel an emotion that isn't pleasant, do this, life will never be the same if you can live without all this bullshit in you  

I'm ready!! Your a legend shin, from the bottom of my heart... THANK YOU!!

The thing is, you're thanking yourself, you'll understand in some months/years  

 

@Charlotte

 Also read this: 

 

Edited November 22, 2017 by Shin

[Charlotte]

On 22/11/2017 at 6:28 PM, Ascend said:

 

So it seems it might stem from a fear of being made a fool of, humiliated etc. Get to the core of it, identify your deepest fear in that regard. Then I second what shin said, you can be mindful/allowing of the sensations as they appear in your body. 

Apologies for my late reply... Testing day yesterday.

 

For reasons I can't get to the core of them, I've traced all the way back to my first encounters with these feelings/thoughts and I can't find anything in relation to them. The only thing I may think that is the cause of this is suffering with my weight all my life, I used to be 'curvy' in high school, was bullied, I was bullied from my brother at a very early age (probably a very important and significant age when I think about it, (8/9/10+), so no matter what shape I am, I have and will always be EXTREMELY insecure with my weight. I then began to think about the insecurities leaking into my relationships from an early age, which then led me into a snowballing thought pattern of is my partner looking at other women etc. Fast forward many years, my last relationship ended awfully! We were together 5 years, engaged. Found out he was living a double life with another women and he was also a MASSIVE compulsive liar, this traumatic experience along with everything else I've mentioned, I believe has left me the way I am today. 

 

I'm sorry that turned out to be so long ?

On 22/11/2017 at 6:44 PM, Shin said:

 

@Charlotte

 Also read this: 

 

Wow, brilliant advice and tips @Shin, I know you say I'm thanking myself but still... Thank you. I'm not feeling very good at the moment, had an awful day yesterday, left me feeling quite disappointed with myself, thought I'd turned a corner with negative emotions but I became angry and stressed, mixed with tiredness, I lost control... this has left me feeling poop ? I'll definitely get started on this tomorrow, really appreciate it ❤️ I'll look into shadow work also, thanks for the suggestion.

 

(Sorry for my late reply)

[Charlotte]

@Shin I've started this practice today 

 

Also done some journaling and realised this is something to be learnt from, not dwelled on ?

[Shin]

38 minutes ago, Charlotte said:

@Shin I've started this practice today 

 

Also done some journaling and realised this is something to be learnt from, not dwelled on ?

How was it ?

 

[Charlotte]

3 hours ago, Shin said:

How was it ?

 

Still learning but I have a new sense of freedom, tested it out with small frustrations but the emotions didn't stay long enough for me to actually feel ?

[alyra]

I always say, patience and effort. Effort to try again, patience to try again. wait, was that good enough to explain patience is basically, having hope that things are moving some where, and being able to exist with compulsions yet knowing that u must wait, and so you wait. you do, and you wait, and this is patience and effort. and over time, what you can do, it scales up, increases, you can do more, and you can do it easier. you just need the patience to let that happen, and the effort to practice it every step of the way.

[Ascend]

22 hours ago, Charlotte said:

Apologies for my late reply... Testing day yesterday.

 

For reasons I can't get to the core of them, I've traced all the way back to my first encounters with these feelings/thoughts and I can't find anything in relation to them. The only thing I may think that is the cause of this is suffering with my weight all my life, I used to be 'curvy' in high school, was bullied, I was bullied from my brother at a very early age (probably a very important and significant age when I think about it, (8/9/10+), so no matter what shape I am, I have and will always be EXTREMELY insecure with my weight. I then began to think about the insecurities leaking into my relationships from an early age, which then led me into a snowballing thought pattern of is my partner looking at other women etc. Fast forward many years, my last relationship ended awfully! We were together 5 years, engaged. Found out he was living a double life with another women and he was also a MASSIVE compulsive liar, this traumatic experience along with everything else I've mentioned, I believe has left me the way I am today. 

 

Interesting, so at least you have an outline of all the things you need to clear. I can attest that it does work, I completely eradicated a severe case of OCD I had. However, I still have other stubborn problems remaining, but it's a journey and you have to keep going   I've had a similar experience (with a pathological liar girlfriend), that's definitely traumatic for sure and the source of some fears.

[d0ornokey]

Good luck. It's really important to keep pushing and trying to figure out how to accomplish it. It's not a matter if you can do it, because you're a human being with a plastic brain able to rewire itself. It's a matter of how. I used to have severe OCD too and it's decreased A LOT due to personal development work. Truly I wish you good luck and I know you can overcome it

 

What's helped me: 10 min meditation habit, daily intense exercise, neurofeedback, disidentfying with my thoughts 

Edited November 26, 2017 by d0ornokey

[Charlotte]

On 25/11/2017 at 7:21 AM, Ascend said:

Interesting, so at least you have an outline of all the things you need to clear. I can attest that it does work, I completely eradicated a severe case of OCD I had. However, I still have other stubborn problems remaining, but it's a journey and you have to keep going   I've had a similar experience (with a pathological liar girlfriend), that's definitely traumatic for sure and the source of some fears.

Apologies for the late reply I've been sick ?...

 

Wow so glad to hear it works for you! I'll definitely keep going with it. 

 

It really is traumatic isn't it. It's how WE handle it though.

On 26/11/2017 at 4:02 AM, d0ornokey said:

Good luck. It's really important to keep pushing and trying to figure out how to accomplish it. It's not a matter if you can do it, because you're a human being with a plastic brain able to rewire itself. It's a matter of how. I used to have severe OCD too and it's decreased A LOT due to personal development work. Truly I wish you good luck and I know you can overcome it

 

What's helped me: 10 min meditation habit, daily intense exercise, neurofeedback, disidentfying with my thoughts 

Apologies for my late reply I've not been too well.

It is very important to keep pushing, your right. Thank you for your input and well wishes with regards to my issue. I'm glad to hear yours has decreased. Thank you also for sharing your routine ?

[Ascend]

@Charlotte Did the writing on your hand wash off?

[Charlotte]

@Ascend LOL ? Yes but as it's my first day of being tonsillitis free it's going back on. I always seem to fall off my self development path when I get sick ?

[Ascend]

On 12/4/2017 at 3:43 AM, Charlotte said:

@Ascend LOL ? Yes but as it's my first day of being tonsillitis free it's going back on. I always seem to fall off my self development path when I get sick ?

Hmm inward resistance maybe? JK, I won't analyze that much

But yeah, get back on the self-improvement horse. I've been doing it with persistent tension lately. Takes a lot of repetition but chipping away at it.

[Charlotte]

On 05/12/2017 at 5:59 PM, Ascend said:

Hmm inward resistance maybe? JK, I won't analyze that much

But yeah, get back on the self-improvement horse. I've been doing it with persistent tension lately. Takes a lot of repetition but chipping away at it.

Trying to get back on, I'm just confused with it all again, don't know where to start ? my heads up my backside trying to deal with Christmas and personal development ?