unhealthy lifestyle

[AHappyTeddyBear]

Hello folks !

I'm 17 years old and from germany.

My main problem is as stated above my current lifestyle which I always wanted to change but I just really could'nt.

I feel like I'm stuck in the digital world, like playing video games and watching youtube videos ( basically browsing the internet ) 

This has caused me to lose all my best friends and I think im lagging behind in all aspects of life. Everyday I wake up and go straight to youtube and watch silly videos that dont help me become the strongest version of myself. Then I play video games for the rest of the day. Everytime I have a problem or struggle to solve a problem I immediately seek help from others, which means that I am not independent. I also have a weak mentality, really.  I cry about literally anything. While my ex best friends are out partying and meeting new girls I just sit home and do nothing, so I get fed up with my own thoughts, which are mostly negative. At this point, I do not know how to handle the situation, I do have some friends at school but it feels like I can't do anything outside school with them, as they also play video games or have their own group of friends. I also can't pick up any new hobbies as I already go to the gym and dont have enough money to go after a different hobby. I'm sick and tired of the same daily routine that brings nothing but negativity into my life. My problem is just finding friends and socializing in general. 

Thank you for reading and understanding!

[Guest]

Hey friend, I feel ya. This sick cult of funny youtube videos and videogames obsession really does ruin peoples lifes. How about you make a 30 day challenge to stop watching funny videos and do something usefull instead. After the 30 days are over you simply keep the habit, and later you even stop playing videogames.

It's amazing that you go to the gym, that's how I started too. I come from a similar place like you. As for socializing, you are at the right place. You can start by meeting like mindet people on the internet, and later, when you do more in real life, you will meet more people there too. 

Anyway, don't try to do too much at once. Take babysteps, one at a time. Eliminate one shitty habit and replace it with a healthy habit, and after your done with that replace another habit.

I'm from germany also. 

Question: Do you have the desire to meet a girl?

[AHappyTeddyBear]

24 minutes ago, Coach Vito said:

Hey friend, I feel ya. This sick cult of funny youtube videos and videogames obsession really does ruin peoples lifes. How about you make a 30 day challenge to stop watching funny videos and do something usefull instead. After the 30 days are over you simply keep the habit, and later you even stop playing videogames.

It's amazing that you go to the gym, that's how I started too. I come from a similar place like you. As for socializing, you are at the right place. You can start by meeting like mindet people on the internet, and later, when you do more in real life, you will meet more people there too. 

Anyway, don't try to do too much at once. Take babysteps, one at a time. Eliminate one shitty habit and replace it with a healthy habit, and after your done with that replace another habit.

I'm from germany also. 

Question: Do you have the desire to meet a girl?

Yeah, I kinda do want a gf, I suppose ? Its just that I don't know how to approach a girl and I really lack the confidence to speack properly, let alone keep a long lasting relationship , he he... Aside from that there isn't much else that is bothering me, except maybe the way i look ? I've gone past that though... 

[Guest]

2 minutes ago, AHappyTeddyBear said:

Yeah, I kinda do want a gf, I suppose ? Its just that I don't know how to approach a girl and I really lack the confidence to speack properly, let alone keep a long lasting relationship , he he... Aside from that there isn't much else that is bothering me, except maybe the way i look ? I've gone past that though... 

There is only one way: Just go out and do it. I can give you a thousand tipps that will help you, but they are still useless if you don't go out and practice. I suggest you commit 100% to studying this issue and solving this problem. You need to take action. 

Assume a good posture, chest out, shoulders back, hands hanging free at your sides, not in pockets, head up straight. Look girls in their eyes and DO NOT look away before they do. Also smile, and then talk to them. Practice. You will fail a thousand times, but it's still worth it. At the end, you will know how to talk to girls. Good luck bro.

[Dombey]

Ok, first of all, congrats that you're conscious of your problems and realize that actions needs to be taken!

Second, don't compare yourself to your ex-best-friends. They're exes, for whatever reason, it doesn't matter now. Maybe down the line you can recontact them when you're in a better place where you feel good about yourself! You're 17 but you don't have to go out all night partying, laying girls. I always was a homebody, reading and learning or playing games! My first relationship was when I was 20, which was very late "compared" to others. That's completely fine! They do their lives, you do yours! I don't think anybody is in a position to judge others, but the same goes for them too in regards to your lifestyle! There is no correct or wrong way to live life, and it's by no means a competition, it's a journey with ups and downs!

Don't see the devil in video games or internet! The devil is how you use them! The excessive, compulsive behaviour is the devil here!

The fact that you seek help isn't the problem. The problem is that you reach out to others in order to reach validation. And also, who do you seek help from? Reach out to a mentor, someone who's willing to take you under their wings, and help you out. Someone you look up to, someone who you can learn from! This forum can be a mentor! Also try to seek help in your local area from professionals! It may take some effort and work to find the help you need! But they're out there!

As for tips for fighting against these unproductive behaviors.... track your time you spend on the internet, know what you're dealing with, since we have a tendancy to underestimate those things!

Install ad-ons or software to block websites where you spend too much time on! E.g. StayFocused for Google Chrome. You don't even have to go directly cold-turkey, you can reduce your time on these website gradually (like blocking those websites afters 2 hours of use, then 1h45, 1h30 and so on)! If you spend 3 hours on those websites watching cat videos let's say.... you'd still have 13 hours left in your day to live a normal life!

New hobbies don't have to cost money! The local library has a very small fee (or is even free) and you can read all you want, and learn new things! There's a page, Goodreads, where you can track your reading and socialise with other readers! It makes you feel good about your efforts and hobbies! You can volonteer or help out stray animals! Even if you don't have a lot, you'd be suprised at how much you can still give to the world! Learn how to use internet or youtube in a new way, learn new things, or put positive content out there for others!

Yesterday I got to talk with a stranger, a young girl, because I bought out 2 cans of bad quality tuna for a stray cat (cans I'd have thrown out otherwise)! This left me with such a positive feeling afterwards, helping out a scared stray cat with food (my goal will be to catch it and give it to a shelter) and talking to a stranger! It takes just so little to make yourself feel better....

There's a book I recently read, "Willpower" by Baumeister (and someone else, can't recall now), which helped me understand more about my willpower! How it is depleted, how to refill it (with glucose), and stay of the bad habits! Habits- start a small positive one and keep it going every day! One day it'll become automatic! I'd never thought I'd recycle, but it has become a habit now, and I still work at it (I don't recycle glass yet)!

And friends/romantic relationships... don't beat yourself up with it! Your old friends won't help you if they don't understand that you don't want to game that much anymore/want to stop! You can't force them to understand, and if they won't, sorry, those aren't friendships you should run after, they'll frustrate you after time! Work on yourself, try to be the person you'll want to have as a friend. Sounds cheesy maybe, but concentrate on you for a while, the rest will come either automatically, either it'll be another aspect to work on once you sorted out your bad habits first! One small thing at a time!

Edited February 7, 2016 by Dombey

[Boss]

Your school must have some free activities/clubs you can join to meet new people and try new things right?

You're only as big as your options. And you're making it sound like internet and gym is all you have. There is much more to the world than those two things. Its up to you if you want to take action and see for yourself.

[Gurunext]

I will not even attempt to solve a problem... around your age it tends to get worse till age of 19. I am 20 and I carefully analyzed what I went through at that point what I call the worst point in my life. There are simple principles that you have to worry about:

1. The state that you're in is fine. The only thing you need to worry about is how not to lose, do woes than you can. Only make careful decisions that clearly make your life better in some way. This already have been suggested by replacing your habits and challenging yourself. Note that this can be destructive, you can do something radical but be prepared to return to the state that you were in with some new experiences and opportunities to change the way you live.

2. This comes to another point: don't fall for social pressure. This especially true for men as they did not born with beauty in their hands that they can use for social interactions. In order to have a successful relationships you need to have something you've "grown", created and show it to attract people that like what you do. I view girls as partners that suppose to support a man reaching for big dreams. This is a reason why girls when they attach are unlikely to cheat, almost believing anything the guy says like a cult member, always hoping that "he can change".

2.1. The other aspect of the point is that social pressure usually is something you need to ignore in order to grow. It's highly distracting. In order to be great you usually have to isolate yourself and work on things non-stop... never giving up, never really stopping but letting yourself to slow down. Any interactions you would do with people without this deep commitment to work is not going to be valid. Anything your friends do is a huge deception. They likely waste time even more than you are.

Past this point I am not willing to discuss my principles. You can reach me through Skype: Kiskislegenda. This goes for anyone having problems with the reliability of these principles. Opinions are welcome but not going away from the topic.

[Black Flag]

On 2/7/2016 at 0:13 PM, The Alchemist said:

Look girls in their eyes and DO NOT look away before they do.

You must master the art of the staring contest. Even when the stare becomes awkward and creepy, DO NOT look away. Only the weak fall first.

@Dombey Thanks for mentioning the StayFocused app, I'll be using that from now on!

@AHappyTeddyBear At 18 I was in a similar situation to you. What I did was go into "Monk Mode" - look up a guide on reddit, I found it quite useful. 

[DreamSpirit]

On 2/7/2016 at 0:55 AM, AHappyTeddyBear said:

Hello folks !

I'm 17 years old and from germany.

My main problem is as stated above my current lifestyle which I always wanted to change but I just really could'nt.

I feel like I'm stuck in the digital world, like playing video games and watching youtube videos ( basically browsing the internet ) 

This has caused me to lose all my best friends and I think im lagging behind in all aspects of life. Everyday I wake up and go straight to youtube and watch silly videos that dont help me become the strongest version of myself. Then I play video games for the rest of the day. Everytime I have a problem or struggle to solve a problem I immediately seek help from others, which means that I am not independent. I also have a weak mentality, really.  I cry about literally anything. While my ex best friends are out partying and meeting new girls I just sit home and do nothing, so I get fed up with my own thoughts, which are mostly negative. At this point, I do not know how to handle the situation, I do have some friends at school but it feels like I can't do anything outside school with them, as they also play video games or have their own group of friends. I also can't pick up any new hobbies as I already go to the gym and dont have enough money to go after a different hobby. I'm sick and tired of the same daily routine that brings nothing but negativity into my life. My problem is just finding friends and socializing in general. 

Thank you for reading and understanding!

Sounds like you're locked in a pattern of unhealthy habits; video games are fun, but a waste of time and then at the end of the day you don't have that sense of satisfaction.  So challenge yourself to break this pattern.  When you first wake up, resist the urge to turn on YouTube.  Instead go for a long walk, take some headphones with you and listen to one of Leo's audios or something uplifting to set your mind in a positive direction.  Be willing to take long walks just to get out of the house.  Walk anywhere you want, go on a mini adventure...invite your friends if they're up for it.  

Walk to the park, watch the birds flying or walk to a Starbucks and watch how people interact with each other.  Then, once you're done walking, go to an arts and crafts store and buy a coloring book or a painting book and be a little kid again.  These are a couple of ways you can unplug from the digital world.  You'll need to practice resistance.  Ween yourself off of it and maintain a healthy dose of it, like an hour a day, but for you starting off, see if you can just go COLD turkey.  All it is, is a distraction to keep you from exploring parts of yourself that are inside of you waiting to be tapped into.  You've got some fascinating parts of your personality, things you might be REALLY into and passionate about, but you'll never knowing it allowing Youtube and video games to consume most of your time.

Practice discipline and unplug...see what else you might like to do.  I highly recommend going for a walk to start...it's a great way to clear your mind.