Disturbing First Do-nothing Meditation

[Shroomdoctor]

Hey guys,

As I have mentioned in earlier posts, I have done meditation focusing on the breath for a year now. A few minutes ago I have tried my first do nothing meditation for 30 minutes. I think it was the first time I did not control my thoughts. And boy, shit hit the fan.

 

At first, my mind was going crazy screaming "I can think what I want! Finally" then it went into some sexuell contents and then just jumped over the place. After like...15 minutes, things got really disturbing. This childish voice popped up inside my head, which kinda did feel like it was me but not really. And it prompty started sprouting the most disturbing secrets and thoughts I have ever thought. All the while a second voice, which sounded like my adult save was like: "Okay. Let it all out. Im not controlling shit right now." and after like 10 minutes of crazyness, the adult save started talking about its views of the world.

I am kinda disturbed, relieved and terrified right now. Is this...normal? Leo said that the mind would test its limits at first, but boy I did not expect that.

[Shin]

The first time I did it, I raped all my family, tortured them, and killed them.

So I guess you're fine lol

[Shroomdoctor]

Okay, that calms me down. 

[ADD]

Meditation can be scary, for me in the start it brought up all the shit i had just been putting aside in my life. Things i hadn't dealt with. Things in my life that weren't aligned with the deepest values i had inside me.

I went to 8 months of deep depression and anxiety disorder as i first started meditation. My mind was so strong i couldn't keep meditating and got lost. It was absolute hell.

I saw from direct experience how mind can create a living hell for you.

Kinda gives you motivation for finding the inner peace within. Before the mental breakdown was also like many people here seem to be just chasing enlightenment like an lottery jackpot, unable to see the life is right here already no need to archieve anything. Just surrender to it. You can experience it right fucking now.

The very painful phase in my life had the most valuable meaning for waking up my conciousness.

[Vitamine Water]

Oh boy, that is just the beginning. 

Two days ago I felt like I was meditating upside down while falling, eyes started rolling up.

You're fine. 

Edited November 20, 2017 by Vitamine Water

[Torkys]

That's why I love it. Flat out purification for ya. (Mental) "authenticity"  is the source of (mental) purification. Keep going!