How Did I Do For My First Day Of Cold Approach?

[stevegan928]

Setting: Daytime at the mall.

Goal: Cold approach 10 girls in a "man to woman" fashion. 

Result: Approached 3 girls, quit, on my way to my bike I see 1 more girl getting off work so I approach her as well so make it 4. 

Things I did good: Kept a smile on my face, made okay eye contact, was man to woman. 

Things I did bad: Only approached 4 girls, didn't know what to say, made many excuses not to approach some girls. 

Conclusion: All I seem to know how to say is "Hi I saw you walking and wanted to tell you that you that you look very pretty today." Also the first approach is in fact very hard, harder than I thought It'd be, I also get really good at making up excuses when I'm out gaming. 

Most girls seemed under-aged so maybe It's best not to do daygame on the weekends at the mall? I'll be 21 soon so hopefully If I continue with this it'll get a lot easier when I can do nightgame. 

My main goal with this right now is just to grow and push my comfort zone, I'd say I did that tonight so I'm proud of myself even if I only approached 4 girls. In the near future my goals will be just to approach more girls than the day previously.  

Edited November 19, 2017 by stevegan928
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[stevegan928]

Also I must add there was one girl I approached who seemed really scared and actually told me she doesn't speak English LOL. I just laughed and as I turned around this tall black woman scowled at me, actually scared me a little because her and all her friends could've maybe beat me up if they wanted to. 

 

[Girzo]

You did like shit. Is that what you wanted to hear?  But it's cool that you write it down. I actually regret not having written a report after every night I went out on. Because I suck now more than in the beggining and there were times when I was doing pretty good. You know, the thing is to feel that magic of approaching, then it becomes like a breeze.

Good mood and setting are a must if you are not extraverted. I recommend doing a warm up and training game everyday in front of mirror, it will help with fear of approaching and not knowing what to say later on in a conversation.

[stevegan928]

11 minutes ago, Girzo said:

I recommend doing a warm up and training game everyday in front of mirror, it will help with fear of approaching and not knowing what to say later on in a conversation.

I do a bit of that, I mostly do self love & acceptance exercises in the mirror but also a little bit of practicing game. But I mostly only practice opening with good posture and having an authentic smile while letting my intentions known. Hah, that's likely why I have nothing to say after 3 sentences. Practice makes perfect I guess.  

[SFRL]

@stevegan928 keep up the good work?

When you want to get good with women you need to get a lot of reference experiences. Keep at it! 

[stevegan928]

@SFRL Thank you, In the past I watched a lot of pickup vids, I was addicted to RSD and took basically zero action. Now that I'm taking a bit of action, I find myself wondering how anybody applies their theory in the pressing situation of actually talking to a girl. So right now I'm just trying to get comfortable and maybe later I'll start re-watching some vids to learn how to get past "you look very pretty today".  

[aurum]

Nice work. You took action and got some lessons. Now rinse, repeat until you’re where you want to be.

28 minutes ago, stevegan928 said:

find myself wondering how anybody applies their theory in the pressing situation of actually talking to a girl

You don’t. Things are generally happening too fast for the conscious mind, which is why we need to make it instinctual for you. You get that through massive repeition and getting out of your own head.

 

 

[JoJo]

I'd like to say that I've seen this 'cold approach' idea mentioned on this site a few times and, as a woman, I find it abhorrent.  You're talking about women like items on display to satisfy your ego and making them unwilling participants in some sort of challenge you're setting yourself.  You actually mention approaching underage girls (in England we call them children) and scaring one girl and you think it's funny?  Do you have any idea what it's like for women to be constantly harassed whilst they go about their day to day business?  They're not out looking to meet guys or for dates, they're just going about their daily business, yet you seem to think it perfectly okay to interrupt them, give them unwanted attention, frighten them and then sit down to analyse what happened from a view point of how 'well' you did it?

Please stop to think for a minute about what you are doing.  Imagine being female and try to imagine how frightening it can be to have strangers (who are usually physically stronger and bigger than you are) coming up to you like that.  Imagine how, at best, it's annoying and how, at worst, it's frightening and can spoil their day.  What if one of those women you approached was raped a few months ago and today was the first day she managed to pluck up the courage to go out shopping again?  What if someone had just lost their mum, or their husband, or their job, or is just going through some other awful life experience that you just made worse in order to boost your ego a bit?  What if she's married and her possessive husband sees you approach her and then beats her later on because he thinks she wanted it?  Please stop to think about what you're doing, and please keep in mind that women aren't stupid enough to think you are some knight in shining armour that was so dazzled by their beauty he just had to speak to her, they are fully aware that you are just wandering up to anyone in the street like a dog on heat.  It doesn't make women feel good to know they are one of many and just another piece of flotsam in a man's wandering eye.  I don't know why sexually harassing women is now being touted as a good idea but please trust me when I say it really isn't.  Women aren't here on this earth to give men opportunities to boost their egos, practise their 'pick up' skills, or as eye candy to improve your day.  Please start thinking about the human beings they are and treat them accordingly.

[Shroomdoctor]

@JoJo Dude, really? "harrassing"? He is just talking to them. If they don't want to talk, its fine. He just wants to get to know them. And belief it or not, many girls actually really enjoy that. 

I am really annoyed at those people trying to talk down to guys who get the balls to actually go out and meet women. Because often times, you can crush the self-esteem of that guy and he will never try again, feeling like shit all the way.

Going out and trying to approach women in a honest and authentic way is not objectifying them at all. Its the opposite. Its treating them like human beings and not like gods on a pedestal.

[stevegan928]

@JoJo Although I don't fear for my life, I'm vary scared to do pickup, It's the main reason I'm doing this, to push my comfort zone, not to get laid, seldom did I even have any sexual thoughts in this process, all my energy was going towards building up the courage just to talk to a girl. The girl who was scared probably didn't think I wanted to hurt her, she was probably just disgusted by the needy energy I was carrying and wanted to get away, I understand. The last thing anyone would call me is scary if they've ever seen me in person. 

I understand it may get annoying for some woman to get approached by random dudes all the time, I also wouldn't doubt I put a damper on someones day by doing this. But my question to you is do you know a better way for me to get over my fear of talking to women? I would genuinely like to hear what your advice to me would be. I already stopped masturbating and watching porn, I hear that helps, but nofap alone only gets you so far.   

[Spiral]

Most guys don't even get this far so awesome man!

Ps. Happy mans day! 

Edited November 19, 2017 by Spiral

[JoJo]

@Marco_the_Ape He's not just talking to them.  He's walking up to, in his own words, under age girls, and commenting on their appearance.  He's doing it for his own benefit, not for theirs.  They've given him no indication they want to speak to him, or have him speak to them.  There's no conversation taking place and no indication from the women he's approaching that they want a conversation to take place.  That's harassment.  He scared one girl, by his own admission.  That's harassment.  He's not approaching women in an honest and authentic way, he's set up his own ego boosting experiment and is using these women, without their knowledge or their consent, as part of that process.  That is objectification.  Ask yourself if you would do this to a man in the street?  And then ask yourself why.  If it was just 'talking' you'd be just as happy to do this to a bloke.

[Pelin]

@stevegan928 I wouldn't probably continue a conversation that starts with me looking pretty. Maybe in a bar, if I go there as a single woman, it means I want to meet someone, too, but not in a mall. I think public transport is a good place to start, you could maybe talk about the bus schedule, something that she's reading, small talk. Not suddenly "I think you look pretty". If you only do that because the girl is really pretty and you want to lighten her day, that's okay. You say that and she thanks and you walk away. But if you say that for pickup, I honestly don't see how the conversation will go. Practice with small talk, with the girls at the bar, or at your school or workplace. 

[Shroomdoctor]

@JoJo I do think that mindset is narrow-minded.  I won't however continue this discussion, as I can't see any argument I make penetrate through your beliefs, which is okay. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. I do think however, that your beliefs are toxic to both men and women.

[JoJo]

@stevegan928 Thank you for your reply.

I understand completely that meeting people and dating is difficult, and that it's difficult to start a conversation with someone, particularly if you find them attractive as it can feel intimidating and we always seem to focus more on the way we come across when we are trying to impress someone, which you would be with someone you like, so I get that completely.  If you want to push your comfort zone - which again, I understand completely - then I would try doing it in other ways in order to increase your confidence - through your work, trying a new sport or interest, spending time with different people across different age groups and so on.  I think the more you find you can (a) talk to a wide range of people in a wide range of settings and (b) the more you have to talk about (so you don't get tongue tied around someone new) the easier you will find it, in general, and the more your confidence and self esteem will grow.

Please don't make excuses about scaring women.  The fact that she was scared surely shows you that this isn't a good idea.  It doesn't matter what it was (or wasn't) about the situation that frightened her but seriously, you must have women in your life - mum, aunty, sister, etc - you surely wouldn't want them frightened or think it was okay?

My point is that talking to women is no different to talking to men.  You talk about hobbies, interests, work, travel plans, day to day happenings, sport, films, etc.  Opportunities for conversation arise every day, in shops, on the bus, at work.  You can practise making small talk with lots of people, not just people you think are attractive, in order to make it easier to do, which in turn means that when you are talking to someone you do find attractive you won't find it quite so intimidating.

I do appreciate that it's difficult but I think it's important to build your confidence and self esteem without frightening other people.

[JoJo]

@Marco_the_Ape I appreciate you not wanting to continue the discussion and you are right, there is nothing anyone can say that will make me think scaring people is okay.

[xist]

your the fear monger

[SFRL]

On 11/18/2017 at 10:24 PM, stevegan928 said:

@SFRL Thank you, In the past I watched a lot of pickup vids, I was addicted to RSD and took basically zero action. Now that I'm taking a bit of action, I find myself wondering how anybody applies their theory in the pressing situation of actually talking to a girl. So right now I'm just trying to get comfortable and maybe later I'll start re-watching some vids to learn how to get past "you look very pretty today".  

@stevegan928 like Leo said in his last video: "The map is not the territory". 

RSD videos are good. But at some point you got to go out there and actually do it. Those 4 approaches were more valuable at this point then let's say watching another 10 videos. 

Keep at it and don't let other people discourage you. It's your life man. Live it with some passion! 

Edited November 20, 2017 by SFRL

[Max_V]

@SFRL @stevegan928 I agree. Having the courage to actually go out and talk to random girls, you have my respect man. 

Don't let other people discourage you, keep up the good work!

Edited November 21, 2017 by Max_V

[Spiral]

While going up to girls who are underage might not be the best approach, going up to girls that are not underage I think is fine. If I went up to a person asking for directions, clearly I'm simply doing so for my own selfish reasons right? Now will I care if someone does that to me? No, I won't even remember two days later. I'm would probably be happy to help.

What does underage mean in this case? Under 18? Under 15? Under 21?  

18+ girls is absolutely capable of dealing with other people in this type of simple interaction.