Yes it was Ayahuasca. It's grasping in the sense that it is seeking happiness through future enlightenment, instead of practicing unconditional love and acceptance of the present moment. It is hating the present moment, and wishing for a better future moment. I would agree with this last point. Ultimately, I know that my Ayahuasca experiences have caused a lot of trouble for me. I don't want to see someone else make the same mistakes. That said, the suffering and awareness of enlightenment has become very useful to me in many ways. So, I believe that it will eventually work in my favor.