Should I Break Up With My Boyfriend Because He Is Stunting My Spiritual Growth?

[WhatAmI]

Let me be honest - I love my boyfriend. He is an amazing person. However: I feel like the more I look into Leo's videos, and meditate, the more I realise that my true source of happiness is realising the Truth. 

My boyfriend does meditate but he doesn't take it very seriously. When I see him I have made an effort to make sure we meditate, but the issue is that maybe 5-10 minutes of meditating together, he starts to be suggestive and we just end up having sex. Whilst it is nice to have sex - It's just not fulfilling because I know that deep down, what would have made me happier is if we meditated for half an hour like we planned.

I have told him that this is bothering me but I don't think he gets it. I don't want to be annoying and continue repeating myself because he is smart enough to comprehend me. this issue has been going on for months.

I don't feel like he is making enough effort to meditate on his own. its just bothering me because I don't see us lasting if we aren't progressing at the same rate.

Reasons why I feel like I shouldn't break up with him:

1. Instead of meditating, he is better at practicing mindfulness in daily life than me. I often find that I am so caught up in progressing with meditation etc that I neglect important things such as planning for a future, and succeeding in a career. I find it hard to work on my career/studies because I would just rather meditate. As a result - I am struggling to pay for things and always am stressed about money because I don't put much effort into improving my career. Being with him has taught me that it is important to have a career because it will take away a lot of stress within this physical life, as being an adult unfortunately involves having to pay rent/groceries/bills. Instead of having this idea that "i should be meditating" instead of studying, he reminds me through setting an example, that happiness is found with engaging in the present moment.

2. He is extroverted and better at engaging in this physical human existence. I have existential crises VERY OFTEN as a result of meditation and self inquiry. Because he doesn't meditate as much, he doesn't really get caught up in the emotions that come with ego death and is able to just BE in the moment. 

3. He practices unconditional love for me. Here I am, complaining that he is not good enough, but despite my faults, he does love me. He finds it easier to experience 'oneness' with others, whilst I find it easier to sit in 'nothingness'. He teaches me that connection is one part of spiritual growth, whereas the path that I often go down is that everything is nothing and nothing is everything etc.

Reasons why I should break up with him:

1. He doesn't watch any of Leo's video's that I send him because they are 'too long'. This bothers me so much because its like whats the point being together if we can't even talk about deep content.

2. He doesn't take meditation seriously and just wants to live in the moment. He doesn't do self-inquiry, just mindfulness meditation. 

3. He wants us to have a future living together, have a family together etc one day. I am just not sure that that is my path. I just want to pursue spirituality deeper and that having a family to raise is just a waste of time. I feel like if I continue being with him, it might disappoint him one day because I can't give him the future he wants and he won't be happy with a future that I want (which is basically just to pursue truth all day every day but Im not sure how I can make this a full time lifestyle but its what I would want one day)

I have expressed my opinions about the possibility of us breaking up. Because in reality, we don't NEED each other. We are complete on our own without needing another person. He has always convinced me that we are helping each other grow/develop and that no one is perfect.. Im just not sure. I want to be certain before I bring it up again.

Any thoughts would be appreciated.

 

 

[ADD]

I don't think you should leave him because you take meditation more seriously than he does. He hasn't yet reached the point in his life to wake up to the meditation path as much as you have. Don't try to convince him to meditate or watch Leo's videos. The urge to meditate has to come from within. Don't try to change him. It will just cause more misery for both of you. Only thing you can change is your own attitude. Why does it bother you he doesn't watch Leo's videos? Could it be possible for you to accept the fact that he doesn't share as much interest on personal developement as you do? The key principle of meditation is accepting what is. You should be grateful he is practicing meditation. People who meditate are an fraction of the popularity. You can talk deep conversations without Leo's vids, be sure you don't make Leo in to a religion of yours. As you grow spiritually, your whole perception of world will change dramatically. You can't know yet if someday you find out you want family aswell.

From my point of view, there's no real problem in your relationship. The problem lays in your mind. Try to meditate on it and see what happens.

All our problems are in the end in our minds, not in the life in itself. 

What you said in the end makes a healthy relationship= you don't need eachother. 

 

My girlfriend doesn't even meditate but i'm not leaving her because of that. When she has PMS she projects her bad mood on me, i use that as my meditation practice. Staying present while she is completely unconcious. She will soon calm down as i give her my deepest compassion. True love is accepting another as he or she is, not trying to change him/her. You can only change yourself.

[Nahm]

@WhatAmI If someone else is stunting you, you have misunderstood what spiritual growth is. 

[pluto]

Sometimes we meet people just so we can learn how to let go. Sometimes we meet them to awaken them to truth but if they do not apply what you teach its pointless remaining in a relationship with 2 completely different focused lifestyles. Plant seeds and move on. The Universe takes care of everything else

Same for friends, family, work ect.. If they show interest but do not apply instead rely on you to always be there to do everything for them then they are just unawarely using you and will drain your energy aka Energy Vampires. You must show them the door, they must enter it themselves. Don't waste your life continuously trying to help them if they do not want help or are willing to change for the better, its not worth the suffering and you can lose yourself in the process of helping everything else.

Always remember to focus on self and make that #1 priority in life, once others start to effect you, back to self work and cut everyone/everything else out. My problem was I'm too kind and too forgiving i completely forgot about myself in the process of trying to help everyone else find truth within themselves that i ended up distorting the eternal enlightened state(so to speak) from almost all the time to merely here and there.

2 cents

 

[ajasatya]

@WhatAmI based on your words, he seems to be way more mature than you.

16 hours ago, WhatAmI said:

He doesn't watch any of Leo's video's that I send him because they are 'too long'. This bothers me so much because its like whats the point being together if we can't even talk about deep content.

contradicts with

16 hours ago, WhatAmI said:

in reality, we don't NEED each other. We are complete on our own without needing another person.

and now the big one:

16 hours ago, WhatAmI said:

He wants us to have a future living together, have a family together etc one day. I am just not sure that that is my path. I just want to pursue spirituality deeper and that having a family to raise is just a waste of time. I feel like if I continue being with him, it might disappoint him one day because I can't give him the future he wants and he won't be happy with a future that I want (which is basically just to pursue truth all day every day but Im not sure how I can make this a full time lifestyle but its what I would want one day)

this is a real mistake.

you can travel the world. you can talk to anybody. you can live with the most enlightened beings. and you'll be running in endless circles.

Truth and enlightenment are not separate from you. where do you want to go? are you scared? do you think you will find Truth hiding somewhere underneath your carpet?

if you stay with him, you will suffer. if you break up, you will suffer. did you ask for Truth? so get ready because your world might get a little blur for a few months.

Edited November 19, 2017 by ajasatya

[Leo Gura]

@WhatAmI I think you're trying to drag him into your spiritual path too much. Do YOUR work by yourself! You don't need to do it with him. When you two are together, do fun stuff. Then when you are apart, you do your serious spiritual work.

Once in a while you can meditate together, but that doesn't have to be a constant thing.

Make sure you're not seeing him too often. Once or twice a week is good enough. This gives you plenty of me-time to do your inner work, and it also keeps the relationship fresh. Too much time together ruins it.

BTW, best reason ever to never see a person again

Quote

He doesn't watch any of Leo's video's

Conversation at bar:

Guy: "Hey, baby, you looking fine. Wanna go home tonight?"

WhatAmI: "Do you watch any of Leo's videos?"

Guy: "Who?"

WhatAmI: "Get lost!"

[Ascend]

You do know mindfulness is also meditation right? Sometimes it can be the best form of meditation.

[WhatAmI]

Thanks for your input everyone. It hit me, from reading your advice, that I am trying to change him. I have also forced him into meditation related  events that I am interested in, and because he loves me, he does go sometimes, but sometimes doesn't. 

He has his path and I have mine.

I'm going to meditate independently and do my own practice. Without having to force him into it. And ill try meditate before seeing him so I will become unattached to the idea of us meditating together. 

To me, the ultimate couple goals is successfully meditating together. Maybe that could happen for us one day but it's not meant to happen at this point in life and that's okay. 

I feel better now, thanks again

[WhatAmI]

Definitely will see him less often, that's a good tip.

[Shin]

You don't realize yet how much he will be interested once he can sense how much happier you will be (and how much "luck you will have).

There is really no need to drag people in, people will naturally follow if you're deep in it yourself.

[Afonso]

@Leo Gura hahaha got some good laughs from reading that

[Thinh]

Best conversation at bar