Starting From Scratch

[kieranperez]

I'm starting from scratch with all my friends and relationships. Several months ago or so I noticed that I pretty much am the one that only was reaching out to (those I thought were) my friends and how I was never being reached out to. I had (who I thought was) my best friend that I've known since birth who supposedly moved out here to San Francisco to go to USF just so we can be near each other while he went to college in yet, I rarely ever got texts or calls from him in terms of hanging out and stuff. It was always me going around reaching out to him and asking him to go to parties with him that I thought he wanted me to go to. However, when I noticed no one really would reach out to me despite how much I would reach out to others to hang out and what not I decided to put an end to it and see what would happen.

Never heard from anyone... and I do mean anyone. Including my best friend. 

Although it's tough to swallow that all the people I thought were my friends, including the one I've known for all my 22 years, I do feel a bit more at peace in a way. As much as this guy would tell me I'm his non-blood brother, best friend, and all this other nonsense and I don't hear a word from him because he's off hanging out with his other friends who supposedly he's not as close to as me, all that talk is exactly that. Talk. Before I would always shrug and be over it but now I've pretty much had it. This goes with those who've made up pretty much my entire social circle over the years. I don't want to be called a good friend and all this stuff but in reality you don't actually give a fuck. The more personal development I do and the more I learn to love solitude, the more I see this as just being such a silly game. Yeah, I'm hurt but I'd rather be hurt and have integrity then keep being a doormat and be lied to, whether people are conscious of their lies or not. 

With that said, I do want to develop a new higher conscious and more healthy fulfilling social circle. Inside though, to be honest, I'm resistant because given my shallow friendships, that's all I see this to be now. I don't really know what it feels like to have the opposite of that. Every time I talk with people now, which actually isn't hard for me as I'm still very outgoing, I still get this vibe that it's all shallow surface level conversations and what not and I don't want that nonsense anymore. Tips and advice on where I can from here and start over?

[supremeyingyang]

Hello.

On 11/17/2017 at 2:20 AM, kieranperez said:

Every time I talk with people now, which actually isn't hard for me as I'm still very outgoing, I still get this vibe that it's all shallow surface level conversations and what not and I don't want that nonsense anymore. Tips and advice on where I can from here and start over?

I were at the same point at the age of 16 and 21. What made a change was this: I signed up to a school of martial arts. But It could be also a chess or book club in your case. Maybe is it playing bass in a rockband for you, who knows? The benefit of this sort of activity is that you make something worth doing, while meeting people. That give your relationships more depth as it would have if you just sit in a bar and trink beer or play video games (not to say that these are per se bad).

Peace

Edited November 20, 2017 by supremeyingyang

[Marinus]

In my experience real friendship is possible even after having no contact for months straight. It doesn't mean my friends don't care, but their focus lies on other things. 

Our bond is so strong that time seems te be an illusion, even if we just meet for half a day once in several months. 

I myself are someone that doesn't text a lot, because I strongly prefer real contact. 

[ajasatya]

On 16/11/2017 at 10:20 PM, kieranperez said:

Tips and advice on where I can from here and start over?

listen way more than you speak.