Negative Thinking For Mindfulness & Purging?

[stevegan928]

I posted a bit about this on the dating sub-forum but this part I feel pertains to consciousness so I'll ask about it here. 

I'm going through my first breakup and one way I've been dealing with it is by bringing up thoughts that make me feel emotional pain and then applying mindfulness directly to the pain. For example we just broke up and now she's dating a new guy, she's told me she really likes him and they've started having sex. This brings me very deep emotional pain to think about, so I bring it to mind, visualize her having sex with someone else, and then I apply mindfulness to the negative emotions and feelings that this stirs up in me. It's very painful, but these thoughts are gonna come up from time to time anyway, so I figure I should learn to deal with them, learn to love them in fact. I know some say It's bad to think negatively but does the same apply to mindfulness and emotional healing? I would assume not. 

I've been trying other things as well like imagining her being with someone else and feeling genuinely happy for her and her new man. I imagine myself meeting her new man and being nice to him in a genuine way and maybe joking around a bit with him. Maybe even imagine her and him having sex and genuinely wishing that she's enjoying herself immensely (that ones extremely hard). I've also been crying and venting to her although she accuses me of wallowing in my own self pity but I disagree, It feels really good to cry. I've also been doing cold showers with mindfulness since discomfort x mindfulness = purification.

Do you all think I'm dealing with this correctly? I'm trying to use this as an opportunity to grow but I've never dealt with this level of emotions while knowing about consciousness. In the past have dealt with hardships but I dealt with them in an unconscious manner usually. I'm just trying to make sure I don't make the same mistake again in this situation. 

[Pierre]

You are desperately in love with this woman. You have to break free before you can do any spiritual work. Accept the pain, and move on. Trust me, I know what I'm talking about.

[beaucoup]

Now, this may sound like utter Bullshit, but notice in your direct experience that you are actually not longing for/loving her.

To do that, first of all notice what she is. She is merely an idea in your head. Just a thought, a concept. 

So there is this idea you have of her (which maybe stirs up some mental images etc.) and then there is this intense hopeful emotion, maybe a sense of desire or longing, you may also call it love, that you have attached to this idea. You have probably done so because of cultural indoctrination and so on. 

However though, notice that this love, or maybe this longing for love, that you are experiencing has nothing to do with her. You just practiced associating it with her so much that you cannot disentangle the two anymore. You personified and canalized this feeling of love onto her and you have probably done so because of cultural indoctrination.

One way to realize that the notion you have of her and this intense emotion are actually independent from one another might be to imagine that she is dying, right now. It might really make you give up that attachement. And maybe then you realize that what you were actually longing for never was her. It was merely this emotion that you have projected onto her. 

And then you can investige further. What is this emotion? And so on ... 

[ADD]

5 hours ago, Pierre said:

You are desperately in love with this woman. You have to break free before you can do any spiritual work. Accept the pain, and move on. Trust me, I know what I'm talking about.

Saying that shows you actually don't have a clue what you are talking about. Lol

There is no such situation in life that has no time for spiritual work. "Dry practicing" meditation on problems by purposefully thinking about negative thoughts can be helpful. It's easier then to see how the negative feeling fillls up your body and allso not to get lost in the thought. If you practice this, then when the negative thoughts come up by surprise, it will be easier for you to see them as thoughts and beaware of them instead of falling in to the misery and continious cycle of negative thoughts and feelings. The key is not to be afraid of the thoughts and feelings. Don't try to avoid them. Focus on the feelings not the thoughts. Accept them with love.