Letting Go Of Attachment

[Leo Kaminski]

Hey guys, it's my first post on this amazing forum. I am on this journey for about 10 month now. Recently I feel I am hitting on the first deeper fears of mine. It's about letting go of someone (more about overcoming the attachment) very important in my life. Actually it's not that I really have to let go of the person, but I notice the attachment, which is getting in my way of being full love. 

When I first noticed the attachment, I was kind of excited to overcome it. It is about one month ago and it was emotionally, the most painful time on this journey. Back than I got stuck in a circle of judging myself, because I tried everything (Meditation, Self-Inquiry, watched a lot of content etc.) to let go of my fears and attachments. This drained my energy so much that I slowly hit in a depressiv direction. I thought of myself as being responsible about myself and my fears at this time, which actually lead to the enormous amounts of judgement (about myself). 

Last week I had my first rude awakening, in which I noticed my ego being involved in the whole judgement and actually being the root for it. So the last week was easier and light hearted again. The whole situation, stretched about one whole month, just showed me how off track I can get. I was so deceived and off track, but thought that this was the right way to go about my situation. 

Now I am a little scared by the attempt of overcoming the fear and letting the attachment go again, but I feel comfortable with really letting it go and not trying this stuff. For that purpose I feel a huge opportunity coming up for me. One week from now my first Vipassana retreat is going to start. I feel that being aware of the fear now, as not being directly connected to myself but to my ego is freeing, but at the same time I feel the strength and power of emotions that the fear creates in me. So even if it isn't so present anymore, nothing happened about it's power. As I am heading for the Vipassana, I just wanted to ask, whether someone has a non-judgemental advice for me, about how I can set myself up properly to really work through all this and finally letting go of the attachment afterwards 

Thanks for reading

Leo