Girls Have Dating Easier?

[Hardkill]

Guys, I can't help, but feel like girls or women have always had dating much easier than guys do. They don't have to do nearly as many approaches to find a guy, let alone find and keep the kind of guy they want. They also can get laid anytime they want. Yes they can get pregnant, but guys also have to be worried about that too due to the child support laws, regardless of whether or not he is in a relationship with her to any degree. Furthermore, they generally have a higher social IQ than men do so they can learn much quicker than guys can regarding dating and relationships. Don't even get me started with hot girls because they know that they have to put in very little to no work in getting the best guys they want. Even the hottest girls, who are too intimidating to be approached by the vast majority of guys, can get easily connected to the highest status and/or coolest guys.

Being good looking as a guy doesn't do much for your odds at being successful with dating, sex, and romance, even if you are extraordinarily handsome and well-built (like myself, not to brag) because the vast majority of women aren't nearly as visual as men are. 

If a guy wants to score the best quality and hottest women then he either has to be very lucky or naturally gifted at it or a well-known hero or work very hard at improving his social/seduction skills tremendously. Men with asperger's syndrome and/or major anxiety issues especially have to work incredibly hard to the bone and go through an incomprehensible amount of torture and suffering to improve his perceived status and/or his charisma to the point of transforming into a whole other person whose level of social skills are the complete opposite of what they were when he was an aspie (assuming that's even possible for such a social loser to achieve).

Also, women don't get rejected nearly as much as men do.

So, what do you ladies and gents say about all of this?

 

Edited November 13, 2017 by Hardkill

[YaNanNallari]

9 hours ago, Hardkill said:

They don't have to do nearly as many approaches to find a guy, let alone find and keep the kind of guy they want.

Why approach and look for people if you don't want to?

When guys are good they have an easier time approaching and choosing who they want to be with. I think it's easier for guys to also keep someone they want as well. Even if it's easy for hot girls to find high status guys, the ones who really care about looks aren't the self-actualizing ones.

Personally I can't be bothered to play the game of very low consciousness relationships. (I also can enjoy sexual energy by myself or without dating someone) What is there to even gain out of it that would be superior to just doing the consciousness work?

[Spiral]

Girls have an easier time getting a guy, although often have trouble finding one they like/want.

Edited November 13, 2017 by Spiral

[Shin]

Irrelevant.

Why would you care in the first place ?
Because you don't get as much sex ? If you're half as good looking as you said, Tinder is your friend.
Because they can get a relationship very quickly ? Yes and ? You think a relationship will make you happier ? Again, if you're half as good looking as you say, you know it's not true, well if you're honest with yourself of course.

So why do you care ?
Ask yourself this question FOR REAL, and untill you get a very very BAD feeling in the stomach, don't stop, because you didn't tell yourself the truth untill then.
Then you will know, and don't be foolish, the answer to the problem won't be to be more successful with women (or whatever the answer), the real solution will be to look at that pain untill it totally dissolves and become a non-issue.

[aurum]

@Hardkill

It's not that some of your observations aren't accurate. It's just that it doesn't matter.

Really ask yourself this: if you had an amazing sex life or the perfect girlfriend right now, would you still give a shit?

The answer is no. 

Also notice how your mind is also conveniently leaving out details, like the fact that girls have tons of their own issues with getting a great boyfriend / husband. Or that maybe this is actually a beautiful blessing because it's a chance to grow yourself.

You don't see that because that it would ruin your victim story.

What are you actually afraid of?

[Hardkill]

14 hours ago, aurum said:

@Hardkill

It's not that some of your observations aren't accurate. It's just that it doesn't matter.

Really ask yourself this: if you had an amazing sex life or the perfect girlfriend right now, would you still give a shit?

The answer is no. 

Also notice how your mind is also conveniently leaving out details, like the fact that girls have tons of their own issues with getting a great boyfriend / husband. Or that maybe this is actually a beautiful blessing because it's a chance to grow yourself.

You don't see that because that it would ruin your victim story.

What are you actually afraid of?

Believe it or not, I would still care because I am very insecure.

I am afraid that I will never get good with women no matter what I do because I’ve failed countless times with them. I fear that I be single or have to settle with someone mediocre for the rest of my life.

[Shroomdoctor]

Just now, Hardkill said:

Believe it or not, I would still care because I am very insecure.

I am afraid that I will never get good with women no matter what I do because I’ve failed countless times with them. I fear that I be single or have to settle with someone mediocre for the rest of my life.

Dude, really. This is like your 100th post on how you suck with women. Instead of whining you might want to look at the causes of why it doesnt work. And you will clearly see that your neediness is 90% of the equation. Work on that. 

I might not be the best guy to say that, as I still deal with the same issue, but at least I am not moaning about it the whole day. I am improving myself and I am starting to let go of the neediness while at the same time starting to go out to meet women., Hell, I wasnt even able to talk to one on the street, yet. I know that is kinda lame, but you know what? I don't care. I'm trying and I know as long as I keep going I will improve. Like with everything else in my life. 

But you know what won't improve your chances? Crying about how evil women are and how they have the totally unfair advantage.

[Hardkill]

21 minutes ago, Marco_the_Ape said:

Dude, really. This is like your 100th post on how you suck with women. Instead of whining you might want to look at the causes of why it doesnt work. And you will clearly see that your neediness is 90% of the equation. Work on that. 

I might not be the best guy to say that, as I still deal with the same issue, but at least I am not moaning about it the whole day. I am improving myself and I am starting to let go of the neediness while at the same time starting to go out to meet women., Hell, I wasnt even able to talk to one on the street, yet. I know that is kinda lame, but you know what? I don't care. I'm trying and I know as long as I keep going I will improve. Like with everything else in my life. 

But you know what won't improve your chances? Crying about how evil women are and how they have the totally unfair advantage.

You don’t know for sure if you’ll ever improve. Believe me, I’ve tried practically everything there is. I am practically at the end of the line with getting any help with women. I just don’t see how or why I should feel very optimistic about my future dating, sex, romance life. I feel like I am just going through the motions and deceiving myself that it will happen.

Even when I feel pumped and full of confidence I still get ultimately rejected by the ones I want.

It’s impossible for me to figure out where I am going wrong. There are virtually an infinite amount of variables to factor into play. 

Why should I have faith in myself?

Edited November 14, 2017 by Hardkill

[Light Lover]

@Marco_the_Ape why are you being so condescending and rude? He is just asking a question, the normal response would be to post something you deem helpful, or not to post anything at all. Isn't that what this forum is about, to help people who are stuck and lost, instead of telling them off for not being a master at something yet?

[Shroomdoctor]

31 minutes ago, Light Lover said:

@Marco_the_Ape why are you being so condescending and rude? He is just asking a question, the normal response would be to post something you deem helpful, or not to post anything at all. Isn't that what this forum is about, to help people who are stuck and lost, instead of telling them off for not being a master at something yet?

@Light LoverI know I might have sounded a bit rude. Its just that sometimes all the advice in the world won't get you out of your victimhood and you just need to actually start facing your demons instead of talking about the unfairness of the world. My answer wasn't meant in a mean kind of way, as I know exactly what he is experiencing. 

I had the same outlook on these things for years, and I would want to yell things at myself that are far less nice if I had the chance.

 

 

2 hours ago, Hardkill said:

You don’t know for sure if you’ll ever improve. Believe me, I’ve tried practically everything there is. I am practically at the end of the line with getting any help with women. I just don’t see how or why I should feel very optimistic about my future dating, sex, romance life. I feel like I am just going through the motions and deceiving myself that it will happen.

Even when I feel pumped and full of confidence I still get ultimately rejected by the ones I want.

It’s impossible for me to figure out where I am going wrong. There are virtually an infinite amount of variables to factor into play. 

Why should I have faith in myself?

@Hardkill Why should you not have faith in yourself? There are countless examples of people going from being the absolute looser with women to abundance. Why do you think you can't achieve it? Maybe it will take years, maybe you have to kick youself in the butt a hundred times and fail. But that is worth it isn't it?

Have you read books on the matter? I strongly suggest "The way of the superior man" and "Models". Maybe that will give you starting points?

And btw. probs for going out and actually trying. In that regard you are far further than me. Cool, right?

What have you tried exactly? I'm curious. 

Edited November 14, 2017 by Marco_the_Ape
tagging

[JoJo]

With respect, it sounds to me that you are approaching this in the wrong way.  The situation you describe in your opening post makes it sound like some sort of competition you want to win at and where you think you won't because women have an unfair advantage?  It also sounds as if you're categorising women when you talk about the hottest or the best quality? The woman for you will be the hottest and the best quality, in your eyes, but it sounds as if you have certain types in mind that you want to date?  Apologies if I have misunderstood what you are writing but, as a 44 year old female who has never met a guy she wants to stay in a long term relationship and hasn't been on a date for four years (or had sex in much longer than that!) then I would strongly disagree with your feeling that women have an easier time of it

Personally I would focus on yourself and work on feeling more comfortable with who you are.  From what you wrote, it sounds as if you have an image in your head of how 'guys that get dates' should be and that you aren't that?  Again, apologies if I've misunderstood that.  And while you are working on feeling more comfortable with yourself, I would try spending time with women in a non dating situation as much as possible - sport, art classes, cookery classes, whatever - so that you can start to see that women (and men) don't fit into categories of hot, not hot, good quality, poor quality and so on.  People are really complex and I think the problem with dating (and the reason so many people struggle with it) is that everything happens really fast - she looks hot, I ask her out, she says no, it's over.  Whereas if you meet women in other ways and get to know them a bit you can get a sense of whether you might click with someone on a day to day level and build up a bit of a rapport before asking them out, or being introduced to some of her friends, who might be more people you want to get to know.

There isn't some sort of magic combination that women go for in a man - this height, that job, looks like so and so off the telly (actually that's not true, there is for some women but I doubt they would be the sort of people that hold your interest for long).  Personally, it's people's minds that do it for me, how compassionate they are, how self aware, etc etc.  And there's no way of knowing that without getting to know someone.  I can't tell any of that stuff from a guy's height or whether or not he works out or the kind of job he does.  So those things, to me, aren't important.  Which doesn't mean to say I don't ever look at a guy and think "Wow, he's handsome".  But it's an observation rather than an essential on a check list.

So, to answer your original post - no, I don't think women have an easier time of it than men.  I think people who are comfortable with themselves and are willing to take time to get to know someone have an easier time of things.  And I think some people just get lucky and meet someone special really easily.

Anyway, good luck!  I hope that didn't sound critical as I didn't mean it to

[NEW11]

On 11/13/2017 at 7:07 PM, aurum said:

@Hardkill

Really ask yourself this: if you had an amazing sex life or the perfect girlfriend right now, would you still give a shit?

Woah. That almost sounds like "if you were rich, would you still care about poverty?". Yes, yes I would. It is still important if people who you love, love you back because of what you are, or because of what you have, and it is still important for others to find love as well. I mean maybe your problems are over, but what about your friends, your brothers, your children? Would you have them living in a world where dating is easy because people genuinely look to find the one that is truly compatible with them, or would you have them living in... this world?

If both of us played a game of chess, but you started with an unfair advantage, because you stole my horses, then it might take me 10 hours to beat you instead of only one. So yeah, I still care even if I beat you in the end, because I lost those extra 9 hours.

Anyway, I have no opinion on the "dating field" thing, I was just reading through the post and this argument bothered me.

Edited November 15, 2017 by NEW11

[Toby]

No, they don't have dating easier.

[BjarkeT]

Some of the things that seems to worked for me that i have observed is to just try to be freindly and make her comfortable around you and try to make her laugh but also show that you are interested (i guess that if you go directly in without even getting to know her she knows very little about you and you are pretty much just a stranger to her)  but you also have to make a move instead of waiting for her to make one(if you are having difficulty to approach her it might be approach anexity)

something else that might be holding you back could be limiting belief(maybe also some other belief other than those mentioned) such as natural talent and that woman doesn't seem to have any trouble (i am sure both are just wishful thinking as you don't have to look hard to the first one find an explanation for what's really happend than just it's just natural talent at least i have found this to be true in terms of natural talent in learning and that you probably don't have to look so far if you are in a group of a lot of people to find girls who also have trouble just as much as you)

Edited November 14, 2017 by BjarkeT

[Hardkill]

13 hours ago, JoJo said:

With respect, it sounds to me that you are approaching this in the wrong way.  The situation you describe in your opening post makes it sound like some sort of competition you want to win at and where you think you won't because women have an unfair advantage?  It also sounds as if you're categorising women when you talk about the hottest or the best quality? The woman for you will be the hottest and the best quality, in your eyes, but it sounds as if you have certain types in mind that you want to date?  Apologies if I have misunderstood what you are writing but, as a 44 year old female who has never met a guy she wants to stay in a long term relationship and hasn't been on a date for four years (or had sex in much longer than that!) then I would strongly disagree with your feeling that women have an easier time of it

Personally I would focus on yourself and work on feeling more comfortable with who you are.  From what you wrote, it sounds as if you have an image in your head of how 'guys that get dates' should be and that you aren't that?  Again, apologies if I've misunderstood that.  And while you are working on feeling more comfortable with yourself, I would try spending time with women in a non dating situation as much as possible - sport, art classes, cookery classes, whatever - so that you can start to see that women (and men) don't fit into categories of hot, not hot, good quality, poor quality and so on.  People are really complex and I think the problem with dating (and the reason so many people struggle with it) is that everything happens really fast - she looks hot, I ask her out, she says no, it's over.  Whereas if you meet women in other ways and get to know them a bit you can get a sense of whether you might click with someone on a day to day level and build up a bit of a rapport before asking them out, or being introduced to some of her friends, who might be more people you want to get to know.

There isn't some sort of magic combination that women go for in a man - this height, that job, looks like so and so off the telly (actually that's not true, there is for some women but I doubt they would be the sort of people that hold your interest for long).  Personally, it's people's minds that do it for me, how compassionate they are, how self aware, etc etc.  And there's no way of knowing that without getting to know someone.  I can't tell any of that stuff from a guy's height or whether or not he works out or the kind of job he does.  So those things, to me, aren't important.  Which doesn't mean to say I don't ever look at a guy and think "Wow, he's handsome".  But it's an observation rather than an essential on a check list.

So, to answer your original post - no, I don't think women have an easier time of it than men.  I think people who are comfortable with themselves and are willing to take time to get to know someone have an easier time of things.  And I think some people just get lucky and meet someone special really easily.

Anyway, good luck!  I hope that didn't sound critical as I didn't mean it to

Well, I’ve try meeting girls through building rapport many times, and each time it failed. No matter what I do, no matter what I try will always be one or more steps behind most people. I feel like a freak. Yet, I don’t deserve this. 

I can’t believe u have never found someone for a serious relationship ever at your age. You must have secluded yourself from the rest of the world or something.

Edited November 15, 2017 by Hardkill

[zenjen]

No, girls do not have it easier, it is just difficult in different ways. Like having to gauge the intentions of men in order to not be taken advantage of, or dealing with creeps, there’s no scarcity of those. That’s why women choose to stay single until they find a guy with seemingly good intentions who they are both emotionally/physically attracted to. Guys who fit that standard are not always easy to find.

My best advice would be to take a break from women for awhile and focus on yourself and building your self confidence. Having a hot girlfriend would only be a very temporary fix for your self esteem. You sound like you are in a state of desperation, and girls can definitely sense that and it turns them right off no matter what you look like, to be honest.

[Hardkill]

5 minutes ago, zenjen said:

No, girls do not have it easier, it is just difficult in different ways. Like having to gauge the intentions of men in order to not be taken advantage of, or dealing with creeps, there’s no scarcity of those. That’s why women choose to stay single until they find a guy with seemingly good intentions who they are both emotionally/physically attracted to. Guys who fit that standard are not always easy to find.

My best advice would be to take a break from women for awhile and focus on yourself and building your self confidence. Having a hot girlfriend would only be a very temporary fix for your self esteem. You sound like you are in a state of desperation, and girls can definitely sense that and it turns them right off no matter what you look like, to be honest.

Yeah, but girls usually find and keep the right awesome person for the faster than most guys who even get the chance to even get a 2nd date or more with an amazing girl for them. Women don’t nearly as much competition as men do. Hot women especially have virtually no competition for the right guy. 

Ive tried taking a break for months to work on my self esteem and it didn’t help me feel much better. 

Also, I am getting tired of people saying that “girls can sense whether a guy is desperate or not.” We are all needy to a degree. The idea of neediness being a turn off doesn’t negatively effect your chances with someone as much as most people think. I mean would you tell a person starving for food to stop being so desperate for food? No, of course not.

Also, if women’s intuition is so great that they can easily detect how needy a guy is, then why can’t they easily sense whether the guy is evil or highly manipulative?

[HII]

22 hours ago, Hardkill said:

You don’t know for sure if you’ll ever improve. Believe me, I’ve tried practically everything there is.

No you haven't. You didn't get yourself a job and you live with your parents.

22 hours ago, Hardkill said:

It’s impossible for me to figure out where I am going wrong.

Now you have it written right above.

22 hours ago, Hardkill said:

Why should I have faith in myself?

You could develop some faith in yourself by starting to live a more independent life.

Ask yourself this: What woman would want a man that cannot take care of himself and needs his mom to get him out of bed every morning?

[Greys0n]

girls with low self esteem date with douchebags and some even suffer because they beat them

so it's all relative

[NEW11]

 

On 11/13/2017 at 3:27 AM, Hardkill said:

Don't even get me started with hot girls because they know that they have to put in very little to no work in getting the best guys they want. 

I'll have some fun with this one. Try out this attitude - when you see a beautiful girl think to yourself "she hasn't succeeded in getting the best guy in this nightclub, because that is me!"

10 hours ago, HII said:

No you haven't. You didn't get yourself a job and you live with your parents.

I didn't read all the comments very carefully, but I think he said nothing about living with his parents. This seems to be a common thread among posts like this, always the "job + parents" argument. I've seen plenty of jobless people, still living with their parents, with hot intelligent women, way out of their league, and I've seen people with good jobs (engineers, CEOs, doctors, programmers, etc.) who are still single or have trouble with dating. If there is a correlation between having a job and relationship, I don't see it, and I'd be in doubt of any woman who cares about my job (it's an excellent job, I just don't plan to stay there, so if they care about the money aspect, then my interest in them would drop bellow 0 immediately).

11 hours ago, HII said:

You could develop some faith in yourself by starting to live a more independent life.

Independence and faith have nothing to do with one another. Sure, if you're the type of arrogant person who enter solves 5 problems in a maths course and thinks to himself "this is an easy course, I got this", then yeah, you will develop some faith. On the other hand you might be the type of person who thinks "these were only 5 problems, this doesn't necessarily mean that I'll be able to handle everything that this maths course throws at me". Life's just like that maths course. You can't be prepared for everything and you never know what comes next.

Best method: optimized trial and error! This means that you go and speak to girls, hang out with them, until you find one that you're compatible with. This will take a lot of time. If we would convert this to a simple maths problem, then imagine that in order for you to find a girl who is truly compatible with you, you'd need her to posses 6 traits. However, let's say those are 6 traits out of a possible 49 total traits, and each person has a combination of 6 or more traits from the pool. You see the problem? I'm confident that it's actually easier than that in real life. You have to keep trying. 

Why do I say optimized? Firstly, it's not just a random search, I mean if you're the type of guy who reads a lot of books, you'd be foolish to go out in a nightclub to pick up girls. Secondly, drop all your needs for this girl to be "hot" and possess qualities that have nothing to do with how compatible she is to you. Is she fat? Good, you'll start running. You can work on the details. Dreaming of finding someone who fits all your criteria down to every last detail is unrealistic. I heard many people saying "but I could find someone better, someone who is compatible with me and also isn't fat". Yeah, well guess what? Everyone can find someone better, if we all went for "better", there'd be around 20 couples in the whole world. My girlfriend is blind, yet I never desired someone "better". Actually even the thought of "better" disgusts me, I mean, it's not her fault after all.