Got Rejected, Any Further Advise?

[Marinus]

Hi folks, so last Friday I told a girl I got to know that I like her and she reacted very confused and surprised. I felt relaxed though and I don't regret it. We know each other for 4 weeks, but I wanted to get it out of my system to get clarity about my position to her. In class she does things like looking at me multiple times and I see this in my peripheral vision. She told me that she isn't that fast with liking someone and that she wants to be friends. I'm so confused, because she gives mixed signals and stuff. In the evening of the day I told her that I like her I got a message that she had a good time ( I took her on one of my comfort-zone challenges).

• So I wonder, how can I deal with this stuff?
• I'm not waiting around, but what could be a proper way to deal with my current situation?
• Can time really help to make her feel comfortable around me or is this just a polite way to reject someone?
• And why would she send me a message like that? (we don't really text much)

By the way, she doesn't really have friends in college except me.

Edited November 12, 2017 by Marinus

[ElenaO]

Why don't you ask her directly why has she texted you if she said she isn't interested?
Perhaps, she's afraid to lose you as a friend. Also women often like when men like them, so maybe she wants to get your attention even if she's not interested. Just my own thoughts. Doesn't mean that that's the case for you.

[Marinus]

@ElenaO This might be very likely. I think I wasn't fully authentic. Maybe if I treat her like a friend that things will change. 

[Spiral]

Did you say "like" or any other word? that makes a huge difference. Either way girl are misleading, they might have huge crush on you and still say that they don't like you. Girls won't tell you they want to sleep with you even if you ask, 10 minutes later you're in bed with them.

Also what do you mean by "like". You like her company, you want to get some of the good stuff, or do you have feelings for her?

To avoid the friend zone in the future, be more direct and sexual from the start. Nice guys, normally don't get the girls.  I flirt with everyone guys, girls family. Sounds really strange but it is funny for everyone involved, because they know that i'm not serious. 

[ElenaO]

3 minutes ago, Marinus said:

@ElenaO This might be very likely. I think I wasn't fully authentic. Maybe if I treat her like a friend that things will change. 

Do you think you could be just friends?
Also, wanted to say that it's awesome that you've had the courage to tell her about your feelings! Unfortunately, this seems to be a rare phenomenon. 

[Toby]

4 weeks is enough time to judge if you want to get to know somebody or not. Just tell her you are not interested in wasting your time.

[Marinus]

@Spiral Thx I agree with what you say, something inside me says that she was surprised and didn't know how to deal with it. I won't invest my mental energy in the idea of being a couple. I think I'll e able to follow your advise, since rejection was one of my biggest fears and it did me more good then I expected. I also decided to unleash my dark-side, which means I won't be that nice anymore.

@ElenaO Open mindedness is one of my signature strengths, so yes. If I have difficulties with this, it will be a nice point to do personal development work on. I wonder, because this is rare, could this make a great impression? I decided to be even more open as friends, instead of running away.

@Toby I indeed tell her that right away. I even told her that she might be making a huge mistake, because I develop myself. Maybe this shows balls or it was just very rude and selfish.

 

 

 

[Girzo]

48 minutes ago, Marinus said:

I even told her that she might be making a huge mistake, because I develop myself.

If you have said then it was just weird and uneccessary.  I know that from your point of view it might seem like a bold thing to say, but for external observer it looks like a way of justifying yourself. And that's not sexy at all. You know, all that "I am not good enough" notion is a big no-no.

[Marinus]

@Girzo I agree, I just couldn't shut my mouth. I had the intention to make an apology about, because she makes her own choices. Do you think this is a good idea? 

[Akshay]

@Marinus Search "Coach Corey Wayne" on YouTube and see what went wrong in your relationship! 

[ajasatya]

3 hours ago, Marinus said:

I even told her that she might be making a huge mistake, because I develop myself.

pride entails suffering, young padawan.
too much of you, you still think. thus ready, you're not yet.
neediness, i can sense.
*sniff* *sniff*
penury, i SMELL!

[Shin]

You're just needy, and being needy is the most disgusting trait to have if your goal is to attract women (which shouldn't be your goal anyway).

Also, a relationship will never make you happy, not if you aren't already happy all by yourself, this can't and will never work.

EVEN IF YOU GOT THE PERFECT GIRL, it still won't make you happy, not for very long ...

The only way a relationship can work, is not only to be really masculine as a guy, but see through your ego bullshit and not letting it poison the relationship (assuming you find a girl who's healthy mentally).

So stop wasting your energy chasing something that not only won't work, but will make you miserable in the process.
Find happiness from within, THEN if a relationship comes, you can go with it, before that, it's just a dream that will never come true.

 

 

Edited November 13, 2017 by Shin

[YaNanNallari]

Don't play the awkward "I like you" phase if possible. Be sexual and sense from her what she's thinking and feeling. This way you can know if she likes you without asking and you can always express that stuff later on. If it's not a match it's not a match.

[Toby]

There was even a report (assuming it was true) of a woman online some years back in a forum where she told that Eckhart made a move on her (in England after his shift) and - although she liked spending time with him - rejected him. So, it doesn't matter if someone is "enlightened" or not, clear in his intention or not, needy or not (could even be that you are awake AND needy) - there is always the other person that can say yes or no. Nothing to take personal.

[Marinus]

@Toby Thank you!

I don't really want to play games, I just want to be open and authentic.

[poimandres]

21 hours ago, Marinus said:

 

• So I wonder, how can I deal with this stuff?
• I'm not waiting around, but what could be a proper way to deal with my current situation?
• Can time really help to make her feel comfortable around me or is this just a polite way to reject someone?
• And why would she send me a message like that? (we don't really text much)

Find another girl/pay her way less attention. It's counter intuitive but I promise you the results will be telling. One of two things will happen, she will want you, or you will get over get faster.

Listen to what you said here: "Can time really help to make her feel comfortable around me or is this just a polite way to reject someone?" If she doesn't feel comfortable around you she wouldn't hang out with you, so there's one conclusion you can draw from this. 

If she's giving you mixed messages, that is the message. 

Edited November 13, 2017 by poimandres

[Moreira]

Never tell a woman that you like her. Never. If you do it you're done.

Masculine energy wants freedom, femenine wants to catch the man who is free.

Your neediness is telling her, please catch me. This kills all attraction.

You have to suggest that maybe one day she will catch you, give her the illusion, but never admit it.

Show her how cool you are and then she'll want to spend time with you. Then go for a beautiful travel that will raise her emotions, then and only then you can ask her to be a couple or compromise.

Edited November 13, 2017 by Moreira

[Marinus]

@poimandres So the message is mixed signals? 

@Moreira I decided to treat her like I treat my friends, which will be very different, because I don't really want much from my friends and they respect me. I'm indeed going to show her my cool side, at the moment I took back what I said and she commented that her ex-boyfriend told her the same thing. I told: 

9 hours ago, Marinus said:

I even told her that she might be making a huge mistake, because I develop myself. 

She told me she felt complete with him (which I know isn't true love). So maybe this was a good move?

Any way, I can now see from her perspective and I seem to be desperate and needy indeed, which I by the way feel. So taking a break from this nonsense is the best option for now I think.

[Shin]

50 minutes ago, Marinus said:

@poimandres So the message is mixed signals? 

@Moreira I decided to treat her like I treat my friends, which will be very different, because I don't really want much from my friends and they respect me. I'm indeed going to show her my cool side, at the moment I took back what I said and she commented that her ex-boyfriend told her the same thing. I told: 

She told me she felt complete with him (which I know isn't true love). So maybe this was a good move?

Any way, I can now see from her perspective and I seem to be desperate and needy indeed, which I by the way feel. So taking a break from this nonsense is the best option for now I think.

It it's nonsense, you're just confused about it, as we all were and as most people still are.
Love as society describe it in movies and shows is a very poor substitute of what love really is.

"True" love is way beyond that, and it isn't about one or several people, it's about everyone and everything.
You aren't seeking love at that point, you ARE love.

And it's nothing mysterious, and it's not behind the scene, it's there everywhere and at anytime.
If you get very still you can experience that, it's not hard, it just require courage and patience.
 

[poimandres]

1 hour ago, Marinus said:

@poimandres So the message is mixed signals? 

@Moreira I decided to treat her like I treat my friends, which will be very different, because I don't really want much from my friends and they respect me. I'm indeed going to show her my cool side, at the moment I took back what I said and she commented that her ex-boyfriend told her the same thing. I told: 

She told me she felt complete with him (which I know isn't true love). So maybe this was a good move?

Any way, I can now see from her perspective and I seem to be desperate and needy indeed, which I by the way feel. So taking a break from this nonsense is the best option for now I think.

Maybe, maybe not (probably so, if I had to guess). What I'm saying is that she's sending you a message via mixed signals. You just not taking the hints. If you said you liked her, but she didn't reciprocate, she's not going to flat out reject you. Generally, they will send you soft rejections and it's up to you to read the signs and put 2 and 2 together.

Sounds like you on the right track mentioned above.