What Just Happened...

[Waifu Yandere]

I don't know if what I experienced is a medical condition, an effect of sleep, or something related to spirituality but hear me out.

I experience sleep paralysis quite regularly for some reason and each time it happens is when I'm about to fall asleep. The sudden awareness of falling into sleep brings me a great deal of stress for no apparent reason. Every time it happens, I refuse to fall asleep...and force myself to wake. This definitely feels like an automatic instinct outside of my control until now. During such events I've never seen any demons, shadows or other common figures that other people experience. The same thing happens to me when I'm on the verge of death in my dreams and I force myself to wake up which requires immense concentration and will power. Just recently, I felt like my awareness has improved quite a bit due to my daily meditation which may be the catalyst of these events.

Last night something surreal happened to me which I'm still quite unsure of what exactly has happened. Just as I was falling asleep, sleep paralysis kicked in again. But this time instead of me being aware of falling asleep, I was aware of the fact that I was aware of falling asleep and for the first time let go of my instinct of forcing myself to wake up and decided to just let it go and see what happens out of curiosity since I had never done that before. What happened next is beginning to confuse me more and more as I rethink about it. I searched online and don't see others with sleep paralysis experience the same symptoms which is why I'm asking here hoping for an answer. That moment I decided to just let it flow, my body suddenly started to morph and twist. At the same time my body was shivering with goosebumps which I presume would be induced by fear? But it didn't really feel like fear, more like a discomfort to a new situation which I'm experiencing. My body then started to levitate while it began to...melt? (I'm trying my best to describe here). Soon my spatial awareness of my body disappeared completely. I could see nothing and most of the time hear nothing. There were occasional voices that I heard which I think is a common sleep paralysis symptom but most of the time it was silence. Despite all this, I was aware of everything as I was still conscious. While this was happening I felt this incredible feeling which I cannot describe, the sensation felt exhilarating and went through my entire body to the point of being arousing even though I could not sense it. The thing is, part of me wanted to stay in this state but the other half wants to wake up due to the discomfort building up from this surreal experience. This whole thing lasted at least 15-30 mins (rough estimates). In the end, I decided to wake myself up and this time, it was quite effortless. 

A few days prior to that I experienced something similar but much less extreme. While lucid dreaming, I for the first time allowed myself to die instead of forcing myself to wake up. What I experienced was basically a very toned down version of the above which makes me think they are connected somehow. As I type this I'm beginning to think this was an ego trap disguised as a "alternate consciousness". But I also doubt this statement because the experience I had was too powerful to be overlooked which begins to confuse me. What exactly has happened. An ego induced state of mind? Pure consciousness of the mind? A sleep paralysis symptom? A medical condition? Thanks for your time.