Parenting- Undoing Cultural Conditioning

[Drsamy]

About one year ago I discovered spirituality and have made huge shifts in perspective and behavior. I am nowhere near where I want to be but do intellectually grasp a lot of new ideas in this realm. I  have an 11 year old daughter and 2 year old son. I have been an extremely unconscious parent for 10 of the 11 years, subscribing fully to the social conditioning that is so prevalent in American society. And their Father still is and has no desire to develop on any level.  I placed a ton of importance things, being a consumer, and what other people thought of me. 

The question I have is how can I help reverse the conditioning I cultivated with my 11 year old, and not allow society and family to cultivate pure unconsciousness in my 2 year old- without going off grid and living in isolation. My plan is to model conscious living as much as I can. I know this is their journey, I'm just hoping to encourage consciousness as much as possible, and give them less to 'undo' later in life. Any suggestions are appreciated.

[Nahm]

@Drsamy do the practices around them, so it’s common.  Be communicative and open with them with your experiences with your practices. Have your daughter meditate. Start small.  Maybe take a class together. She’ll like the time with you. You can show her no matter how old anyone is, love & fun are paramount and ever-present.  Your son will be just fine in that environment. You’re doing well, you know? Keep kickin ass. 

[Space]

@Drsamy I can't really offer too much advice but one thing I would say is that because your kids are still quite young there's still a chance to change their habits and their values etc. Have you've watched Leo's video on raising kids? That should provide you with lots of ideas.

 

[JoJo]

Personally I talk to my son a lot about where things come from - how much stuff is made in sweat shops, how people that work in retail shops often don't get paid proper wages or have good working conditions, how resources are taken from the planet faster than they can grow or form again, that sort of thing, as well as things like factory farming, chemicals in crops and just a lot of things that are all done to make more stuff, faster.  I've also always made him do chores for pocket money and he has his budget that he has to stick to, so that he gets his head around what you have to do in order to get 'stuff' and ask yourself if it's really worth all the effort.  It doesn't all go in; he has learning difficulties so a lot of it goes over his head, but he loves charity shops and counting up his money when he's saving up for something so there is some notion that stuff doesn't just magically appear and if you do need something you don't need to spend a lot to get it.

The other thing that I've always found good is to focus on how much fun you can have without spending a fortune or having all the latest gadgets.  If you're good at sewing you could maybe get your older daughter interested in hunting for bargains in charity shops and turning them into your own creations, or have a go at revamping some of your furniture or making something artistic and beautiful to go on the wall.  Whenever we 'need' something I tend to think, have we got something else we could use, could I borrow it, could I make it out of something else or do it in a different way so we don't need it?  Maybe your older D would like the challenge (little one can tag along and will just pick it up as they go along).  Perhaps there is somewhere that your older D would love to go and you could make a challenge to save the money by cutting back on stuff (and that could include things like saving on electric by watching less TV, for example).  Make it into a project - we can visit this place if we get x amount of money together, how can we raise it/save it?  Maybe she'd be up for selling some of her things she doesn't want anymore, or helping you sell some of your stuff?  Lots of projects, fun and fairly easy (or maybe more difficult if she prefers that?).  Don't feel bad or disheartened if it all falls flat; only a couple of days ago my son was moaning to someone that I keep trying to get him to do yoga   But yes, do what you can do, show them the possibilities but don't fall apart if they prefer to do something else.  It's a sticky old spider web and it's very hard to get out of but personally I find trying to make it fun and part of 'what we do' helps.  Good luck!

[SFRL]

@Drsamy I think a good start is to cultivate kids love for animals and nature. I think that often comes natural to them. And it's what this Earth needs from future generations. 

Also developing their love for History and the Universe. 

Once kids have cultivated a love for animals, nature, and History and the Universe it is hard to imagine that they will not develop an interest in Psychology and Philosophy. 

Maybe start an Aquarium, get some pets, also let them be creative, and let them read. 

Edited November 16, 2017 by SFRL

[Vaishnavi]

@Drsamy Hi! I know I'm inexperienced in the field of parenting but there are things I wish my parents had done for me when I was 11. Things would have been way more different. 

Beside physical exercise (sports preferably) I'd really recommend exposing your kids to the whole of life and feeding in their curiosity heavily. They're naturally curious given their age (maybe not your son but he will be in a few years) and appreciating and nurturing that curiosity can be very rewarding. And yes, encouraging them to find what they're passionate about overtime can be the best investment. For this (and I wish I've had this opportunity) expose them to different domains of life (music, art, books, science, craft, even something like public speaking) and see what interests them. Like help them try and experiment. They'll get a rich taste of all the different breads in the tray. And maybe with time, meditation. Guess you're smart enough to know that already 

Good luck! 

[Drsamy]

@Vaishnavi @SFRL @JoJo @Space @Nahm Thank you all! I love these suggestions! I also love that you took time to reply. Been looking for a community to be involved in and I feel really good here. :-)