Father Lost His Father. Now He's Mad At Me For Talking About "the Truth".

[Guest SirVladimir]

My grandfather just died and my father is pretty sorrowful and clapped out. Since I started doing personal development - and it's not that long on a life scale (as I'm only 17) - I changed. Seems like I can't grieve for people - like it wouldn't bother me. An observer of my emotions. That's why he is mad at me. I showed very little emotions and instead told him about enlightenment, ego's concept of death etc. Quite a minute explanation, nothing detailed. I even directed him to Actualized.org. 

He said I'm an idiot. A close-minded attitude; rejecting any possibility of answers for "life" questions.

Would you do anything? It's up to everyone to decide. I'm not to convince anyone.

EDIT: You're right, everyone. I made it sound too harsh and sudden. I should - and I WILL - show him love and compassion. Perhaps I misjudged the situation altogether. Thank You.

Edited November 9, 2017 by SirVladimir

[Ian]

If I may, I would like to share a rule of thumb that Matt Kahn states a lot.

"If you wouldn't say it to a five-year old child in pain, don't say it."

At this time, your father does not require your wisdom. Your truth is simply your perspective on life, and nobody else needs to know about it, unless they ask you for it (which I'm assuming you've done here by posting on a forum!). Be honest with yourself, and you will find less of a need to talk about your truths with others.

What your father requires now, more than ever before, is your heart-centred love. Listen to him. Comfort him. Be there for him. If you find yourself unable to give such love, then be honest with yourself and accept that, and work on loving your own heart first.

Such adversity and chaos is the perfect time for you to strengthen your bond with your father. Show how much you care for him, and then maybe, when he is ready, he will ask you for such wisdom.

Tread softly

Edited November 9, 2017 by Ian
Missed a word

[Michael569]

Hope you don't mind me saying that but that was a pretty dick-ish move. No offence..

As much as you have developed, you still have to consider that majority of people around you are just not at the same level and never will be. The last thing someone who is grieving will want to hear is that all existence is pointless and that grievance is just ego driven response. Sometimes people just need to be listened to and shown compassion and understanding even if it means doing something you are not comfortable with. For a coexistence with other members of society, you have to get at their level from time to time unless you want to go live in a cave, hunting for food somewhere in Peruvian mountains. 

For the usual person a concept of no self and enlightenment is so foreign that you would teach a toddler to understand genetics before having them grasp these concepts. As much we think we are developing and growing here, I would say most of us on this forum still do not grasp the concept of enlightenment, no self and no existence. 

just a food for thought

 

[Dan Arnautu]

@SirVladimir 99% of people won't even entertain the idea of enlightenment. Expecting your father to do so is unrealistic, especially in such a hard moment for him. You will need to learn to think as you like, but still behave like others (as the author Robert Greene says). In the past, being too far from the tribe's mentality could have gotten you killed. 

Just think about the moment when Darwin came up with the theory that humans evolved from monkeys. A lot of backlash and death threats came his way. You need to learn to keep low key around people less psychologically developed. Don't expect your parents to change their ideas about life. They won't change unless they want to.

Finally, as you continue to grow, you also need to work on not losing the common touch.

Edited November 9, 2017 by Dan Arnautu

[Elisabeth]

You're an idiot. When someone is in deep sorrow, you should be present with them and showing compassion, not linking websides. That's what good human connection is about. I don't care if these websites talk about deep existential Truths, it's still just concepts - wrong time wrong place. 

P.S.: I know you're doing your best to be supportive while also in pain. Please be gentle with yourself and the people around. 

[Spiral]

Leo guru the creator of monsters

[Forestluv]

@SirVladimir In these situations, I generally share about how the deceased person contributed to my life. Or, I invite others to share how the deseased person contributed to their life.

Timing is important tho.

[Moreira]

Conservative old people wont accept the truth, because their mind is unable to understand these concepts. don be so hard with the OP, when I was younger and my grandma died I also tried to convice my family into thinking that death is a lie.

[Guest SirVladimir]

You're right, everyone. I made it sound too harsh and sudden. I should - and I WILL - show him love and compassion. Perhaps I misjudged the situation altogether. Thank You.

[Leo Gura]

@SirVladimir You can't lay on the nonduality lectures on a wounded, grieving ego. In a situation like that, you apply compassion, then you bring up nonduality LATER, once he's not emotional.

The whole point of an emotional reaction is that the mind is resisting reality. So of course at that moment the last thing it wants to hear is a nonduality lecture. That's like talking calculus at a mule.

[Girzo]

In moments like these I like to look at myself and examine if I really am that detached or just repressing my feelings. Non-dual techings are good at hiding this disconection, not solving it. Maybe taking a look into Shadow Work or bioenergotherapy would be beneficial for you. It was a case for me, maybe it will also be for you.